to be driven nuts by friends who pander to their dc's unreasonable requests?

[deaconblue]

examples from different friends recently
child 1 "I want to wash the baby's neck"
me "sorry darling but dd has a sore neck so only I can wash it"
her mother "don't worry darling you can wash mummy's neck instead"

child 2 " I want to get in the baby's buggy"
me "sorry but she's only just gone to sleep so you can't get in the buggy with her"
his mother "can he get in and I'll push it around so she doesn't wake up"
me "umm no"

If i have understood you i feel the same. I am a mum and childminder and i am FED UP of parents who just can not say "NO".
What the hell is wrong with parents just say "NO"!
I hear it every day kids having tantrums cause parent said no and then 5 seconds later parent gives in and say's yes.My 2 are teenagers and know when i say no i mean no and guess what no tantrums!

There is nothing wrong with parents who can't always say no and/or stick to it.

I think that's been the problem. For years, the kids have gotten what they want by throwing trantrums. Now, it's just too easy for my friend to just roll over and let them do what they want. They're in their early teens now and I can see it's gonna be a real rollercoaster for her soon....

BA - That will just make the problem far worse and will be of no benefit to the child - just an easy life for the parent or so they think............

My mum really annoys me when she does it with dd.

Dd will ask if she can have a chocolate out of the fridge. Mum will fetch one, dd screams that she didn't want that one. Mum will fetch her another one, she'll take a bite and decide she doesn't like it, Mum will fetch another one. On it goes while im protesting that shes behaving like a spoilt brat. Then mum will turn on me in front of dd and tell me what a cruel mother I am, so we then have words.

Dd also wants to be picked up by mum every morning on the way into nursery. I've now said no, because mum has a bad back/bad joints and can hardly walk at times. Mum doesn't even give me the chance to distract dd with something else and will pick her up. Twice now she has nearly fallen over with dd, once when she had pulled her back and was already in pain and once when her leg gave way. I cant even stop her from doing it as she would physically wrestle dd from me (it has been known).

Of course, when dd is home she expects the same treatment and when it doesn't happen all hell breaks loose!

sorry imnotmama but yes there is.Parents who cant say no are weak,why cant an adult say no to a child,they are after all THE adult.
The children in my care are well behaved they know that sometimes if they ask for something ie: ice cream if they have been good i will say yes but they also know if they have been naughty they wont get anything and i have no tantrums nothing they accept it.But when parent does same they have tantrums and parent gives in.
Children need clear boundries and rules.

sorry imnotmama but yes there is.Parents who cant say no are weak,why cant an adult say no to a child,they are after all THE adult.
The children in my care are well behaved they know that sometimes if they ask for something ie: ice cream if they have been good i will say yes but they also know if they have been naughty they wont get anything and i have no tantrums nothing they accept it.But when parent does same they have tantrums and parent gives in.
Children need clear boundries and rules.

Kittycats - I too am a childminder and I agree. It has caused me problems in the past with CM children as they are not used to being told no. Example; CM child does not want to wear appropriate clothing ie coat when cold - parent just gives in /I am not letting any child in my care come to any harm - they will wear the coat and can scream all they want - have had this.

Thanks for saying I am weak.

Great news.

Have you ever seen those road wars/street wars/sky cops type programmes on sky? Where they follow the police round with a camera and watch them dealing with anti-social behaviour and car crimes? What strikes me about the attitude of so many of the people who are stopped (not just male, not just youths), is that they have obviously never been told "no" in their lives. Makes you think.

sorry posted twice
Turniphead i agree if the child was mine he'd of been off that bike in seconds also.

Fantastic.

Shall I book their asbos now?

The worst behaved kids I've ever seen are the ones who are given kneejerk, unthought-out "No's" for no good reason, all the time.

One person's pandering is another's negotiation. One person's pointless control-freakery is another's firm boundaries.

How d'you know the woman involved isn't constantly saying no and just fancied saying yes for a change? Why does it drive you mad? I could understand if she was constantly allowing appalling behaviour, but one incident isn't really enough to drive me mad, unless I'm feeling a little tetchy to begin with.

Imnotmama next time you feel like giving in tell your self "im not letting a child tell me what to do im the adult"
thats worked for me and i have used it ALOT on the children i look after.

Thanks but no thanks.

my mil is bad for this.I don'tgive into tantrums..no means no, but if I say no in front of her,for eg to a biscuit before dinner, she used to sneak them into kitchen and give them one. has now stopped as I told her kids wouldn't be going round unless she followed my rules.
Now she looks after my dn from every day while sil works, and all dn has to do is pout to get her own way. And mil moans to me about how spoilt she is and how my ds's never threw tantrums like dn does.....

i'm notmamagbutsheloves me

Why?

Message withdrawn

"There is nothing wrong with parents who can't always say no and/or stick to it."

I don't understand.

ST
"That's what my HV has told me to do..."

And IMHO HV's quite often talk crap.

sunnytimer - I think you have a good point.

However, I'm guessing you are new to MN because it really isn't sensible to mutter the second sentence again. Ever.

Message withdrawn

picking your battles is one of the most important things in parenting imo. Especially, if like me, you suffer with depression and are finding your child hard to cope with.

Not all HVs speak shite - there are some decent ones out there.