Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to keep the thing I was given on freecycle and not have to give it back?

72 replies

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 19/08/2008 13:20

Was given a wooden playpen on fc a few months back, immaculate, sturdy thing, built to last. Was very grateful to the people who gave it to us and chuffed with it.

Now they have emailed me saying can they have the playpen back when we've finished with it as the woman is becoming a childminder. They were lovely people but I wanted to keep the playpen for subsequent babies after ds has outgrown it (he hasn't yet, he's 12m)

I'm not angry about this but it has put me in a bit of an awkward position - I can't really ignore her email, but I don't know what to say! Aibu to want to keep it? I didn't know it would be a loan.

OP posts:
wheresthehamster · 19/08/2008 13:22

Just say you didn't realise it was a loan and have already passed it on.

MadreInglese · 19/08/2008 13:22

Cheeky mare!

Just reply that you'd be happy to return it when your children and grandchildren have outgrown it

Onestonetogo · 19/08/2008 13:23

Message withdrawn

emj23 · 19/08/2008 13:24

Surely Freecycle isn't a lending service? If they weren't willing to give it up they shouldn't have put it on there. I was under the impression that once you had given something to someone, it belonged to them.

Lauriefairycake · 19/08/2008 13:24

what are your choices?

  1. Lie and say you don't have it anymore and is with another grateful family?
  2. ignore email
  3. give her it back
  4. say you're still using it

go with what you feel comfortable with

very unfair of them to ask months later but they might just be chancing it in case you're not using it and not really expecting it back

MadreInglese · 19/08/2008 13:24

Or say that you've promised it to a pregnant friend.

CouldYouWouldYouWithaGoat · 19/08/2008 13:24

i would give it back tbh.

ilovemydog · 19/08/2008 13:26

The spirit of giving someone something is that it's theirs. But they're holding the fact that it was free over your head - it wouldn't happen if you paid for it!

Say something like, 'gosh, didn't know I was supposed to return it! I've already promised it to a friend/playgroup/(insert suitable excuse)

expatinscotland · 19/08/2008 13:26

i agree with wheresthehamster.

between this and the ebay threads i'm amazed at the cheek of some folks.

i'd tell her sorry but it's no longer available.

because that's the truth - they gave it away and now it's no longer available to them because they gave it to you.

Tobermory · 19/08/2008 13:26

i think they've got a bit of a nerve to ask for it back - they gave it away for heavens sake!

Be apologetic and tell a small lie - you're PG and need iot for next baby? or as wheresthehamster suggested, say you've already passed it on.

TheBlonde · 19/08/2008 13:30

Just ignore their email

slayerette · 19/08/2008 13:31

If they've said could you return it 'when you've finished with it' explain that you are happy to do so but can't promise when that will be since you don't know how many children you might have! And that they are welcome to wait for that unspecified date but might want to look for a new one instead.

I think if it has been given to you through Freecycle you are under no obligation to give it back. Just be polite but firm in your reply. I would never dream of asking for anything back which I have passed on to friends and family, never mind to a stranger through something as formal as Freecycle!

Lomond · 19/08/2008 13:33

I would ignore it! They have a bloody cheek!

deepbreath · 19/08/2008 13:36

YANBU. Doesn't it say in Freecycle rules that if you're offering an item it has to be given freely, no strings attached? Our local group doesn't allow loans.

You took this in good faith, and it's damn cheeky of them to ask for it back. Surely she will need a playpen before you'll be finished with this one if she is due to start as a childminder? Maybe you could suggest that they should post a wanted ad on Freecycle for another playpen?!

StellaWasADiver · 19/08/2008 13:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

falcon · 19/08/2008 13:38

YANBU to keep it and that's exactly what I'd do, they cannot put terms and conditions on goods they wish to freecycle.

RhinestoneCowgirl · 19/08/2008 13:39

Freecyle is for giving stuff away, so definitely YANBU. I have got rid of plenty of stuff and wouldn't even think of asking for it back, how odd...

Original poster
JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 19/08/2008 13:42

Yes I thought that was the rule, deepbreath. I once had an ad rejected after asking for a maternity tens machine to borrow for two or three weeks aroubd mty due date.

I think I will just tell her it's already been passed on to my cousin or something, thanks for making me feel a bit more assertive about it, didn't know if I was being unfair.

OP posts:
giraffescantdancethetango · 19/08/2008 13:42

yanbu suggest she looks for a new one...on freecycle

CaptainFabioHiltsTheCoolerCat · 19/08/2008 13:43

Tell her you planned on putting it on Freecycle when you had finished with it, in keeping with how it came to be yours.

Offer her first refusal when that time comes.

Point out it won't be for several years

Say you'll email her then.

Fkin cheek.

I may now have heard it all...

desperatehousewifetoo · 19/08/2008 13:52

I was about to say what Captainfab suggested i.e. that when you finish with it, you will give them first refusal but, you're really sorry, and don't know when that will be.

expatinscotland · 19/08/2008 13:54

Tell her it's no longer available.

You do not have to justify or give reasons other than this.

It is no longer available.

Sorry.

End of.

Please move on.

Then I'd block her on email and/or report her to the mods on Freecycle because that's not what it's set up for.

Hobnobfanatic · 19/08/2008 13:56

Couldn't she post a "Wanted" for a playpen. That way, everyone is happy.

blueshoes · 19/08/2008 14:27

I am not sure why the giver is being called cheeky. She is only asking, not demanding. And you are free to refuse and politely decline.

If my SIL gave me a playpen and months later said can she have it back, I would treat the request in the same spirit. In fact, I will try to honour it because I got it for nothing to begin with. SIL would have been doing me a favour at the time but her circumstances changed. All fair play.

In the same vein, you can also put up a wanted ad. You don't have to (and still keep the playpen), but you can.

expatinscotland · 19/08/2008 14:28

Because when you put stuff on Freecyle, you give it away.

Gone.

No, coming back months later and asking for it back.