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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to keep the thing I was given on freecycle and not have to give it back?

72 replies

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 19/08/2008 13:20

Was given a wooden playpen on fc a few months back, immaculate, sturdy thing, built to last. Was very grateful to the people who gave it to us and chuffed with it.

Now they have emailed me saying can they have the playpen back when we've finished with it as the woman is becoming a childminder. They were lovely people but I wanted to keep the playpen for subsequent babies after ds has outgrown it (he hasn't yet, he's 12m)

I'm not angry about this but it has put me in a bit of an awkward position - I can't really ignore her email, but I don't know what to say! Aibu to want to keep it? I didn't know it would be a loan.

OP posts:

blueshoes · 19/08/2008 14:33

Those may be the rules (I have given lots of stuff away on freecycle) but why get worked up over a minor request? It could be that the playpen is now sitting in OP's loft and she would be grateful to find another home for it - the giver does not know and can only ask.

Seems like the spirit of taking is alive and well. It seems strangely possessive to take offence. They are just THINGS.

expatinscotland · 19/08/2008 14:34

because it's cheeky to give stuff away and then ask for it back.

it's incredibly bad manners.

blueshoes · 19/08/2008 14:35

I have said before. They have not demanded for it back. They only asked for it back only when OP was finished with it. Nothing wrong with that.

OP has not finished with it. So say so. We are all adults.

expatinscotland · 19/08/2008 14:37

asking for it back is bad manners, blue.

it is.

it's trashy, IMO.

want another one, then ask for it or go buy it.

or don't give it away in the first place.

MarkStretch · 19/08/2008 14:37

I had a warning email from freecycle which went out to the whole group saying that freecycle was not for loaning items and they view this as rule breaking.

So it's definately not right for her to ask for it back.

It's bloody cheeky.

blueshoes · 19/08/2008 14:43

I can't feel strongly about this. If I gave something away and the recipient loved it so much, heck, they can keep it. I would be delighted my item was still being used.

I can see a need for rules on freecycle to avoid abuse by baser elements in society. But a simple request to return it once finished is small infraction in the whole scheme of things. It was not a loan at the start, but the giver's circumstances obviously changed. I think it is great she wants to be a childminder.

I can't see the worst in people from a simple request.

Freckle · 19/08/2008 14:45

There's no problem with this. Just say yes they can have it back when you've finished with it. You don't have to give a time limit, so they may get it back when your dc has finished with it or when dc6 has finished with it.

ilovemydog · 19/08/2008 14:48

I gave away some baby clothes to a friend..

Yesterday, at lunch, she gives them to another friend, and says she wants them back!

Either give it away and it's not yours, or don't bother.

expatinscotland · 19/08/2008 14:51

i give away loads on Freecycle because we live in a quite a rural area, diesel is expensive and there's only one charity shop in the nearest town about 13 miles away.

so it's a good way to move things on without having to take them anywhere.

but tbh i don't keep track of whom i gave the item to to be able to email them months later and ask for the item back.

we did give away some stuff that, a few months later, would have been helpful to SIL when she left her partner and was housed as homeless by the council.

but it never would have occured to me track down people we gave table and chairs, big slow cooker, chest of drawers, etc. to and ask for it back.

instead, we introduced SIL to her local Freecycle!

blueshoes · 19/08/2008 14:51

I thought the whole point of freecycle is to reuse things and find homes for them. Asking for items back is (I am told on here) a breach of the rules, but this request is only if recipient has finished with the item.

Not the most elegant thing, but it is still in the overall spirit of freecycle.

LittleMyDancingForJoy · 19/08/2008 14:54

I'm with blueshoes - but it all depends how the request was worded.

If it was a 'if you happen to have finished with it and don't want it any more, we'd love it back' type thing, then I think there's no harm in asking. After all, the OP might have been about to give it to charity or something.

The spirit of Freecycle is to stop things going to landfill or people having to buy new ones, so this makes perfect sense.

If it's more of a 'when you've finished with it, we want it back' then yes they're being cheeky.

s'all in the phrasing, I reckon.

TinkerBellesMum · 19/08/2008 15:11

Loans are against freecycle rules, freecycling has to be permanent. The reason is that it can cause problems if you agree to a loan and then the other person doesn't give it back, then they get brought into it. It's too complicated and hard to police.

If we're getting into wording, the wording in the OP (which granted is the OP paraphrasing as it's not quoted) is we want it back. That would be why she's being seen as being cheeky.

I'd speak to the moderators, personally, sending them a copy of the email.

If I needed something I'd given away I would ask on a Freecycle wanted ad. I'd hope I either got the same one back or a better one.

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 19/08/2008 16:04

What a lot of hot air over nothing.

Just email her ffs.

LittleMyDancingForJoy · 19/08/2008 16:10

well exactly. she asks, you say no, end of story.

Original poster

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 19/08/2008 16:23

Yep, I emailed her a couple of hours ago about it, thanks all for your help.

OP posts:

gagamama · 19/08/2008 17:36

Maybe she was thinking of putting an ad up for a playpen and thought "ooh, I wonder if JamesAndTheGiantBanana has finished with the one we gave her? I'll just check first! We did pay for it, after all".

No harm in that. I'd probably give it back myself but I can see why you wouldn't!

YANB(that)U

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe · 19/08/2008 17:39

Why lie?

Say you can understand she is asking on the off chance but you are still using it and don't want to have to worry about her waiting for it.

Aitch · 19/08/2008 17:41

perfectly fine of her to ask, imo, perfectly fine of you to refuse because you want to keep it for further children. she doesn't have dibs over it in perpetuity, but if your child was to be an only for whatever reason you might have been fine to give it back once you were finished with it.

TheHedgeWitch · 19/08/2008 18:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

tengreenbottles · 19/08/2008 18:57

TBH i would email her and explain that you had intended keeping it for future offspring . She probably contacted you thinking your LO would have outgrown it by now and so you wouldnt be needing it and it would save putting a request on freecycle for another .

Piffle · 19/08/2008 19:00

tell her you've just had triplets and need it!
Cheeky mare!

ipodtherforipoor · 19/08/2008 19:01

tell her its on Ebay!

warthog · 19/08/2008 19:02

you don't have to lie. just tell her the truth! you will still be using it for subsequent babies. end of.

Turniphead1 · 19/08/2008 19:15

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 19/08/2008 19:28

lol turniphead!! Oh, I just said I'd promised it to someone for their baby.

OP posts:

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