AIBU to think that once you have paid your childcare, its not really worth working.? Is it that you just don`t want to look after your own kid. prefering to stick them in daycare as soon as the shine wears off, it really bugs me!

[discusturd]

Some go from 7-6 and never see there parents, I know I will get slated but in the nursery I work some kids hardly know who their parents are.

Hercules, I don't think I am superior parent. I don't understand how both parents can work f/t and know their child/ spend enough time with them. Why do it, unless you have to? What was the point of having them, to then only see them briefly at night and at the weekend.

I don't understand why anyone would be a sahm but I realise it doesnt make you a bad person or parent.

I dont question why you bothered going to school, doing exams, university, I dont ask how you live on one wage without depending on the state for hand outs, I dont ask who will pay your pension when you are old, how you intellectually stimulate yourself etc etc because those would be silly questions.

I enjoy having children but that doesnt mean I have to be glued to them 24 hours a day.

happyhoney; "for what its worth i think alot of people on here want to wake up and smell the coffee before it is too late."

Too late for what?

I did wonder what you meant by too late as well.

"I dont question why you bothered going to school, doing exams, university, I dont ask how you live on one wage without depending on the state for hand outs, I dont ask who will pay your pension when you are old, how you intellectually stimulate yourself etc etc because those would be silly questions.

I enjoy having children but that doesnt mean I have to be glued to them 24 hours a day"

To answer your questions that you are not going to ask. I did'nt study and think one day I'm going to have a DC and stay at home, after I had 1st baby I could not bear to be parted from her f/t but did have to work p/t - I will use my education when they are older. My DH earns good money and we are trying to be careful.I do not have any state benefits. I have studied since having DC - so have intellectually stimulated myself.

I am not glued to my children - one is at school anyway. I have things going on in my life.

At the end of the day being their for your children is more important than a lot of the things you mentioned. As long as we have enough to get by - most things can wait.

"I did wonder what you meant by too late as well."

FFS , your children are growing up by the day and will leaving home before you know it - was going to say growing in front of your eyes.............

Growing up and leaving home - isn't that a good thing? I thought our role as a parent is to equip our children with the experiences, love, skills and education to lead their own lives when it is time for them to fly the coop. Happyhoney, you should try to look forward to this day.

And contrary to popular belief, a lot of us working parents actually do see our children during the week (but not enough for happyhoney).

My point is I want to be there for them before they do and no, i don't think a parent should look forward to it - why would you? Oh yes because it won't make that much difference if you work f/t.

I can't wait until my kids leave home. I am counting down the years.
Happyhoney - you clearly have overwhelming feelings where you need to be with your children and close to them as much as you can. THat's great for you. I don't share those feelings. My children havent suffered as far as I can tell. They would have suffered I expect had I been at home with them all the time as I would have felt unfulfilled and bored.

WHat about your dh? WHy does he not the get the same opportunities you have to be at home?

GOing by your way of thinking, your dh must have a poor relationship with your kids.

I don't work ft. I am home by 4 pm Mon-Fri so actually I see almost as much of my schoolage dd as any parent of school age children, happyhoney, and have a very healthy pay packet and pension to boot.

how dreadfully patronising and rude to suggest one cannot make baby plans until one has popped

in RL parents
consider
wages
mat leave - how long
potential childcare options

given that one has to tell employer your plans and mat leave package

i worked all of that out, many others think about it too you know

did not wait until post natal ward to make plans

Specifically in preparation for my children striking out,
I am accumulating a nice nest egg which gives me the flexibility to subsidise their uni education, gap year, wedding, house deposit, IF I choose, as well as fund dh and my retirement so we do not burden them. It is not all about expensive hols, big cars and nice clothes. I want my dcs to have that extra edge over their peers when starting out.

DH and are both happy with the arrangement. If we both worked f/t our kids would suffer IMO. He has a great relationship with our DC, he works from home some of the week so he can help with school run etc and is totally dedicated to them when at home. Does your DH have a poor reltionship with your kids?

Blue, I am refering to f/t work and my kids mean to more to me than money although we are'nt doing badly - thanks.

Actually he has a great relationship with them. He did before he became a sahp and I'm sure he will once he goes back.
You see, it is possible to work and have a great relationship with your kids just like your dh.

"Specifically in preparation for my children striking out,
I am accumulating a nice nest egg which gives me the flexibility to subsidise their uni education, gap year, wedding, house deposit, IF I choose, as well as fund dh and my retirement so we do not burden them. It is not all about expensive hols, big cars and nice clothes. I want my dcs to have that extra edge over their peers when starting out. "

I have wealthy inlaws who have provided nest eggs for my DC and we have savvings accounts for them both - don't need to work to do that.

Now, I don't think either of us are totally dedicated to our kids when we are at home though. We both do other stuff as well.

I am guessing somewhere along the line someone had to work for those nest eggs.

Hercules - don't believe that's true if you both work f/t.

well happyhoney you are lucky enough to have a dh who earns enough to support all of you without you having to work.

I would say that the majority of families are not in that position.

What don't you believe to be true? That is both parents work full time neither can have a great relationship with their kids?

I know!!! And my point is that both parents should not work f/t unless they need to.

"I am guessing somewhere along the line someone had to work for those nest eggs. "

Yes, my FIL.