AIBU to think that once you have paid your childcare, its not really worth working.? Is it that you just don`t want to look after your own kid. prefering to stick them in daycare as soon as the shine wears off, it really bugs me!

[discusturd]

Some go from 7-6 and never see there parents, I know I will get slated but in the nursery I work some kids hardly know who their parents are.

On the whole doesn't everyone just do whats best for them and their family (thats dcs, dhs AND Mums)both emotionally and finacially. From the strong feelings on this thread it seems most of us doubt our choices from time to time anyway - I know I do. However, who cares what everyone else is doing?

Juuule - Yes, I know. I think I have said that before.

Happyhoney - Of course I want other people's opinions but I think your idea that me not having children somehow negates my opinion or my plans is laughable! How does it?

The whole jist of what I have posted in here is not 'this is what I am going to do' but this is what I plan to do - and please don't tell me I am a terrible parent if i do.

The original post was rude and unecessary and subsequent posts have suggested that women who choose to go back to work when they could easily survive without their wage packet are somehow cold, unloveing, horrible people who are damaging their children.

There's also been a feeling that those who 'have 'to do it are exempt from criticism but that most people who say they have to are just lying and too materialistic to care properly for their kids.

I am basically just saying I don't agree that this is true for everyone and some people do actually in the real world choose to go back to work because they want to and being a SAHM is not for them.

I have said all this without once having a go at SAHM's. Had I had a go at SAHM I could perhaps understand your defensiveness towards me.

"As I said before wait until you have baby prehaps then we will agree or not.I was planning to go back to work f/t after 1st DC but as soon as she was born I could'nt do it - we managed"

sorry but that didn't answer the question I put.

It was

"so are you saying then that mothers on this thread who do/have/will put their children into childcare and go back to work are not feeling proper mother's love and do not have a strong bond with their kids?"

Beanie,

I am not willing to discuss that with you as you are not a mother yet and you are trying to start an arguement by trying to push me on that. As i said come back when you become a mother.

I think that people should care, to an extent, about the effects that childcare has on children, particularly very young babies/children. Because if there are adverse effects then this may cause problems for the child as an adult and also cause problems for society as a whole when those children become the teenage/adult population.

I worry about the sort of society my children will have to live in.

I may be wrong but I get the impression that the govt also thinks along these lines which is why they seem to want to have a large influence in young lives from as early as possible so inching forward more and more free childcare for longer and longer hours. The govt answer to feckless parents?

However, what if the very thing they are promoting is contributing to problems in society?

I'm not saying it is or it isn't but I think it's worth looking into.

OMG - Absolutely flabbergasted at that Happyhoney. Not willing to discuss it because I am not a mother.

Perhaps someone else could ask the question and you will answer it then - seems a little rediculous because I seriously don't have to be 'speaking as a mother' to ask that question. Obviously you are not willing to give straight answers to straightforward questions.

I am utterly flabbergasted, seriously! not quite speechless but Jeeze.

Beanieb I don't believe that all mothers who put their children into childcare don't feel a 'proper' mother's love or a strong bond with their children. I've known too many who have done this who obviously have no relationship problems at all with their children.

Beanieb - it is irrelevant really if happyhoney feels that a mother doesnt truly love her children if she puts them into childcare. SHe has a very narrow view of what is right and wrong. It's untrue.

I also second custys comments about who is going to pay for mothers to stay at home?

Whoever it was that said reams and reams of tattle back that if I thought this thread was moronic I shouldn't post - I hope you're reading this thread now. What's going on, other than a few judgemental people spouting nasty, mean spirited condemnations of other women? Despicable.

Well said Juuule. I agree about the Goverment's responsibility and the longer and longer hours. We left U.K. because of the longer and longer hours. Where we live now everything shuts down by 2.00 pm max 2.30 pm. (offices, banks, shops..)Nobody wants or willing to work after that. The only people who work out these hours are those who work in the tourist industry and they are young people usually from u.k. who are here for the fun and the experience.
The general attidute here is 'i value my health and my family too much to work 12 hours'. And the mums/dads here instead of attacking each other, they demand family friendy work conditions.
They work in the morning, finish by 200 pm, collect children from nursery or school when is still daylight and then have the rest of day to spend with family and friends.
The same with women or men, families or childless emploees. Nothing to do with feminism, all to do with quality of life and good health.

sounds great tira

where are you living?

In paradise, Chelsygirl

The difference is the British government are looking at ways of making the working day longer by providing extended services in schools...and to a certain extent taking over the parenting role.

mrz,
the Goverment here suggested 2 yars ago to do this, and they suggested an all day school. People filled the streets with a huge march against the idea. (same thing happened in other european countries). They dont want it. They want to work to live and not live to work.
I looked the other thread (as boring as this) and someone said to another poster 'you are jelous of me because i work 12 hours'. Now, this is really sad

lol Chelsygirl

Beanie

"so are you saying then that mothers on this thread who do/have/will put their children into childcare and go back to work are not feeling proper mother's love and do not have a strong bond with their kids?"

What I am saying is that you do not have an informed perspective about this and therefore I am not prepared to discuss it with you. You will not understand what a women feels when she has a child until you have one. You are entitled to your opinion but really will not understand until it happens.If I want to discuss the above I will otherwise i'm not going to be goaded by you. You quite honestly want me to say something which will get some people riled which makes me think you want an arguement.

Hercules

Ditto

beanieb, you really don't want to trouble yourself with happyhoney's opinions.

You can plan to return to work as you intend. I did too. Then my dd was born with health problems and a clingy high maintenance one at that. I changed my plans and postponed my return from maternity leave from 6 months to 1 year and got my mother to live with us (huge compromise particularly from my dh's point of view) to ease her very slowly into nursery, fully intending to pull her out if she did not settle. To my surprise, she did . I went through a lot of hoops to get my company to give me flex working, despite my original plan to go back ft.

Even though I thought I would hate work and miss her (hormones, brain washing?), I actually did not because I felt she was happy at nursery. I have never looked back since. Work is now a source of fulfillment and stimulation in addition to the joy of my family.

My advice is if you know you want to go back to work, just execute it. If you feel childcare is not working, change it. If it is still not working, tweak your work arrangements. You will eventually find a solution that works for you, dh and dcs. Don't be put off by silly remarks like this OP or so-called research. If you treat your dcs as the barometer of whether something is working with them, they will be alright .

It is alright to plan and accept that you don't have all the answers until you cross the bridge. Hope to welcome you to the club soon.

Blueshoes - I think your opinion is a load of crap too.

It really is like a coven on here, if you dare to voice a view which is different to others you get ganged up on.

For the record I think everyone is entitled to make their own choices. I personally would not leave my baby in f/t childcare or with a g/p unless financially I had no choice. I would'nt work unless i had to for financial reasons, to keep my hand in a career etc.

I think that you can plan your return to work before having your first child but can not be sure until you have him/her.

I personally cannot understand why a parent would want to return to f/t work unless they hd to financial reasons.

These are my personal opinions which i am entitled to. For people to take offense implies to me that they have underlying issues about their choices.

This is a forum for discussion and debate not somewhere where we should all agree for a quiet life. ffs.

And for what its worth i think alot of people on here want to wake up and smell the coffee before it is too late. I like going to work f/t because I can have a bigtv, wine etc - OMG - that is like saying I prefer material things to time with my children and am happy to sacrifice bringing them up for these things.

Happyhoney - it's great for you that you enjoy being a sahm. I have nothing against people being a sahp. Can you not see that there are other ways to live that don't actually produce damaged children and that people who work outside the home can actually still love their children as much as you do and have a relationship with their children just as good as the relationship you have with yours?
It's not just about material things for many people who go to work. For many people it's far more than that.
It's fine if you don't feel the same way but that doesnt make you a superiour parent.

And going to work doesn't equal sacrificing children, really, it doesn't.