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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

.... to think that dh won't pester me about wanting to go out, I have said NO!!!

59 replies

HappyNewYearFeet06 · 13/08/2008 08:56

Ok, he plays badminton on a Monday night. However in a couple of weeks time their club plays host to a visiting club for the weekend and they hold a tournament. He asked if he could play in the tournament which is all day on a Sunday with meal afterwards and I said no. He then asked again about half an hour later and I said no. Since that day until now (approx. 6 days) he has asked every day and he gets the same answer 'NO'.

So, why does he keep on asking? Isn't it bad enough that I have 3 children that ask and ask and ask for things? Isn't NO enough?

Sorry, summer holidays getting to me and I don't need dh acting like the children do aswell!!!!

OP posts:
tiredemma · 13/08/2008 08:57

Why dont you want him to do the tournament?

CoteDAzur · 13/08/2008 08:57

Do you always treat DH as one of the kids?

Why does he need your permission to play in a tournament?

CvQ · 13/08/2008 08:57

why cant he go?you sound a bit unreasonable tbh.

VictorianSqualor · 13/08/2008 08:57

Why can't he go?
I'd probably do the same tbh, if DP told me I couldn't do something I'd be pretty pissed unless there was a good reason.

TheProvincialLady · 13/08/2008 08:57

Well stop acting like his mother then.

StellaWasADiver · 13/08/2008 08:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tiredemma · 13/08/2008 08:59

Dp plays rugby ( a lot, in the winter it takes up a whole weekend). I would never dream of telling him he couldnt participate. He is 33, not 3.

In the summer he switches to Golf. I dont have a problem with it.

Are you jealous of your DH?

OrmIrian · 13/08/2008 08:59

How strange that you ask for each others permission to do something.

Just out of interest why did you say no?

Love2bake · 13/08/2008 08:59

Let him go to the tournament.

OrmIrian · 13/08/2008 09:00

Ah I see it's not just me then.

IAmNotHere · 13/08/2008 09:01

He asked and you said no?

He is acting like a child.
Because you are treating him like one.

wingandprayer · 13/08/2008 09:01

Hvae you asked him why he keeps asking when you have given an answer?

If he gave you all of Saturday off to yourself so you could do what you want and then go for dinner with friends would that make a difference to you allowing him? Maybe it's worth asking him if he would just so he understands your reluctance? And then ask him the next day,and the next, and the next....

Original poster
HappyNewYearFeet06 · 13/08/2008 09:02

Because he will never look after the children for me if I want to go out for the day, so I have neve been out for the day without taking at least one child with me.

So I feel that it isn't fair for him to assume that I will look after them for him when he goes out often enough anyway.

I will stop acting like his mother when he stops acting like a child!!!!

OP posts:
tiredemma · 13/08/2008 09:04

why dont you go along to the tournamment with the children and watch him?

VictorianSqualor · 13/08/2008 09:04

He won't look after the children for you.

Why does he get a choice? Say to him, 'Sure, you can go, but I'm doing X on Y and you'll need to have the children'.

He's not having them for you, he is having them because childcare is 50/50 if you are both not at work and you are going to be busy.

Love2bake · 13/08/2008 09:04

Let him go and tell him that you are going to want to do the same later on in the year / or whenever.

OrmIrian · 13/08/2008 09:05

You need to make sure he knows why you are saying no then. Otherwise he won't get the message.

Original poster
HappyNewYearFeet06 · 13/08/2008 09:07

It is held at the local school in the gym and there is nowhere to sit out of the way and watch. Everyone sits on the benches around the outside of the court but you are literally only just off court. I am sure my 2 yr old would happily join in!! And the other 2 would get bored very quickly.

OP posts:
TheProvincialLady · 13/08/2008 09:08

You both need to sit down then and discuss the problem of your having no time alone. It's no good just getting into a I Want/You Can't Have situation which is only going to cause resentment on both sides. If you never get any time to yourself I can understand your not wanting him to go, but this isn't really getting you anywhere is it? And I agree, he wouldn't be having the children for YOU, because they are his children too and that is just what happens. Take it from that standpoint and see if you can negotiate from there.

CoteDAzur · 13/08/2008 09:08

A tournament is not the same thing as a day out shopping, by the way.

Why don't you say "Sure honey, go for your tournament, and I will need you to take care of them next Saturday while I buzz off to do xyz".

tootiredtothink · 13/08/2008 09:40

No, get him to have the children this Saturday before the match - if he can't do that then you can't have them on Sunday!

But yes YABU in not letting him go - I don't understand this asking for permission. Out of courtesy you check they are free to have the children but that's it surely?

msdemeanor · 13/08/2008 10:01

Another wierd marriage dynamic. Is there something you specially want to do one day? An exhibition you want to see? A friend you'd like to visit? A spa day you want to book? THen do it this saturday before the tournament and say, 'Of course I'll have the kids on Sunday - have a fab time. By the way, I'm going to visit my mate on Saturday and we're going out for drinks'. Sorted. Win-win.
You need to get to the bottom of this parent-child relationship you have though. It's not healthy.

ladymariner · 13/08/2008 10:09

Madness

SpookyMadMummy · 13/08/2008 10:25

Do you both ever actually sit down and talk??

It strikes me that if you want something you have to be prepared to negotiate in a marriage. You telling him what he can and cannot do is strange IMO. If you continue treating him like a child he will continue to act like one.

If he wants to go so badly, let him. Then negotiate something YOU want. Even if it means him looking after the children.

Sounds to me like theres not much mutual respect in your marriage.

clumsymum · 13/08/2008 10:33

what a marriage !!!!!