.... to think that dh won't pester me about wanting to go out, I have said NO!!!

[HappyNewYearFeet06]

Ok, he plays badminton on a Monday night. However in a couple of weeks time their club plays host to a visiting club for the weekend and they hold a tournament. He asked if he could play in the tournament which is all day on a Sunday with meal afterwards and I said no. He then asked again about half an hour later and I said no. Since that day until now (approx. 6 days) he has asked every day and he gets the same answer 'NO'.

So, why does he keep on asking? Isn't it bad enough that I have 3 children that ask and ask and ask for things? Isn't NO enough?

Sorry, summer holidays getting to me and I don't need dh acting like the children do aswell!!!!

[3andnomore]

Have just read the whole thread...and you need to do some talking together...because your relationship sounds quite shite, imo....

[bozza]

I think the answer really is to keep forcing the issue regarding you having time to yourself. And hopefully it will get easier. DH has the day off today to look after the children while I am working. He rang up just once, at lunchtime, to check what clothes 4yo DD should wear to help him emulsion the en-suite. So not bad really. But I think that he could have easily have gone the other way.... Him making life difficult for you if you leave him with the DC in a passive aggressive kind of way (reading between the lines) is not good enough.

[Neeerly3]

happynewyear, this is all ringing bells now - dh used to be like that too - stamp his feet and yell, like the two 3.5 year olds we now have! So yes walking out for me did work - I drove to his mums after he had left for work - I rang him from a layby just before the motorway said i'd had enough, i couldn't live like it anymore and needed time to clear my head and give him chance to think. He couldn't shout back as he was at work, so just said, fine. Later though he went nuts, effing and blinding, swore he had diswoned his mum because she 'took my side' which she didn't she was just looking out for her grandkids.

Anyway, i stayed from thursday til sunday, sometimes talking nicely and feeling like we had made headway then he would go out with his mates and get nailed and ring me at 2am calling me all sorts.

I went back on the sunday, quite apprehensive (it had never been my intension to leave forever, was just some time out), and he welcomed me with opened arms, we talked and talked like we never talked before....he made all sorts of promises (which I took with a pinch of salt initially as i was still sore), which 2 years later he has still kept. We get up on alternate mornings with the kids at weekends, as they are early risers and we both work full time....he has a lads holiday, usually ski-ing and i have a girly holiday, usually sun sea and sand in portugal. We do family stuff together and when the rugby season starts again in september, we will all be polling up to watch daddy play (weather permitting)......when he says i'm off out to so and so...i don't grump and ask why, or say no, you not going because i know if I say the same to him then he is fine with that too.

PLEASE PLEASE try to talk to him once more, maybe write everything down - how he makes you feel, how it is damaging your relationship and potentially you as a family. It's so worth it if you can come out the other side.

[TheProvincialLady]

Your relationship does sound pretty dire to be honest I could not live as you do.

How would he react of you you were to write down and confront him with the facts, eg how often and when he was out socialising and and how often you were looking after the children. And how often the situation was reversed. If he isn't prepared to give you any time to yourself you might just as well be a single parent...at least you would not have to put up with sulking etc.

I found the bit where you said he would be in for a shock when you told him that he was paying for the girls' shoes rather telling as well - why would this be a shock? They are his daughters and presumably your money is shared within the family?

[HappyNewYearFeet06]

Firstly he doesn't usually pay for the childrens shoes and they are expensive, as all of us mums know, yet he always grumbles when I tell him how much they are. I had dd measured at Clarks today and her feet are too narrow so they don't have anything so am going to take her to Startrite. Dd who is 5 has chosen what she wants for back to school shoes too.

I usually pay for everything the children and I need. He pays the bills and buys everything he needs, wants etc....

[TheProvincialLady]

Blimey you really are living like a lone parent. Don't you mind the fact that you pay for everything to do with the children and do pretty much all the childcare? I would mind a lot. I know every family is different but we just pool the money and spend as necessary and if there is any left over for luxuries then great, we spend it as we like. My DH knows that shoes have to be bought and that they cost (We were also at Clarks today!).

I hope you can get something sorted.

[FfreckleFface]

I pay/he pays - that sounds truly bizarre to me.

It also sounds as though you are making lists of fun things he has done to then use as amunition against him...I don't wish to be rude, but he isn't the only one who seems to be behaving like a child. Surely in an adult relationship you should be trying to help each other to enjoy yourselves, rather than making it a competition to see who can deny the other more?

You are being unreasonable, but I think you know that already, don't you?

[3andnomore]

Doesn't sound much like a real close relationship to me, tbh....
did he want children at all, or why would he be resenting them so much?

I mean, as your Kids are young it might just be worth hanging on in that relationship for now and bide your time...but, maybe you should make some kind of plans for the future...i.e. if you are a SAHM then maybe you want to look into what you could do in a few years and if you need to do courses, etc....so, that if you do break up, you are not in a bad situation without options....

[zippitippitoes]

what a miserable life

i would split as the cons seem to far out weigh the pros as you are