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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be shocked that my nanny cant cope with looking after my children full time in the holidays ?

475 replies

demandingboss · 11/08/2008 13:22

Thats it really. We were away for the first 2 weeks.She has had them for 3 weeks and only has this week to go then she has a week off which is costing me a fortune to cover and then she has 3 days one week and 2 days the next and they are back to school.

Told me this am that she cant cope with having them 11 hors a day in the hols its just too exhausting and she spent all weekend in bed feeling poorly with the stress of it all.

She gets paid full time wages all year rund and has lots of perks ( and I maen lots ).

She seemed to be suggesting that they could go to holiday club so she could get on with some studying during the day!!!

I was so gobsmacked I just left and acme to work!

To be honest Im not expecting to get any replies to this as you will I am sure be too shocked to type!

OP posts:

pointydog · 11/08/2008 15:00

She sounds a bit rubbish.

clumsymum · 11/08/2008 15:01

I don't know what is normal for a nanny, I don't employ one.
But I do know that most employees need a measure of management, some more than others. Your Nanny apparently needs more than you are giving, so she is failing to meet your expectations. Maybe you are failing to meet hers (sorry) ?
But by planning with her you might be able to rescue the rest of the holidays.

And TBH they are YOUR children. In your shoes I would expect to have some input into how the kids would be occupied.

elliott · 11/08/2008 15:03

Ok I know your previous - I think you are letting yourself be taken for a ride and because you are busy, you don't want to rock the boat and go through the hassle of finding someone else. I sympathise, because I also overlook my nanny's weaknesses because I haven't got time to be more proactive, and also because she is good enough for what we want.
But, I think you need to either put up or shut up. It's clear she is taking the proverbial, and will continue to do so until you do something about it. So, tolerate her and bite your tongue or find an alternative!

clumsymum · 11/08/2008 15:03

Oh, and if you asked for a scrapbook (do you mean a daily journal) are you sure she knows what you mean, why you want it, and that you meant you wanted it "with immediate effect".

nannynick · 11/08/2008 15:04

If you had asked me to do a scrapbook, I would not know what you wanted doing. If you have explained in full what you want produced, then that's fine, but if you have been more vague, then I'm not surprised you have got nothing.

Have you made it clear what you want produced?

Perhaps call it something different - such as a holiday diary, or Our Outings Photo Album or something like that.

A nanny is an employee and does need management from time to time. Most nannies will be able to get on with little management, whereas others will need more input. Sounds like your nanny may be the latter kind - needs some additional direction as to what is required.

Why does your nanny not go in the pool - if I were your nanny, I would be in the pool!

Mentioning the pool reminds me of a previous message post, I would guess you may be the same parent. If so, then I think you need to consider the options available - if your employee is not up to scratch and won't improve following warnings, then you need to consider replacing them. Dig out the contract, go through the disciplinary procedure. It's not nice to do, but if you have a nanny who won't improve... you need to get someone else.
How long have you employed her for?

LynetteScavo · 11/08/2008 15:05

Tell her if I can look after a 9yo, 5yo, 3yo, (with no days of)and mumsnet at the same time, then she can jolly well move her butt into geer. What does she do while they are at school?

And I do it for free

clumsymum · 11/08/2008 15:05

great minds, NannyNick

cheesesarnie · 11/08/2008 15:06

i'll be your nanny(joking).whats up with her?whats in her contract hour wise ,holiday time etc?

Original poster

demandingboss · 11/08/2008 15:07

elliott you are spot on. There has been loads I have been unhappy about and if I posted it all on here you would think me a meak minded mouse. I spoke to a nanny agency this morning and the girl I dealt with an ex nanny herself was speechless at some of the things I said.

BUT i do feel she has given me know an opportunity to go back to her and open up the converstaion because I am not paying her to study and I am also not paying her full time wages and for holiday clubs !

OP posts:

cheesesarnie · 11/08/2008 15:08

if she doesnt know what kind of scrapbook she should ask.

Original poster

demandingboss · 11/08/2008 15:11

nanny nick i showed her what our previous au pairs had done in the holidays which is basically a book of photos and wrting by the children showing what they did all summer.

She does go in the pool sometimes.

She just cant be bothered and that comes across in her demeanour. TBH she has grown out of nannying as maybe some people do and its time to move on but coz its such a jammy deal I think she will stay until the bitter end. I will have to do the pushing Im sure.

OP posts:

poshtottie · 11/08/2008 15:12

I was a nanny/housekeeper and I did find it difficult to keep up the housework (to the mothers high standard) and look after the children, though I didn't miss the 6.30am start in term-time.

poshtottie · 11/08/2008 15:13

demandingboss, haven't you been complaining about her for months, why is she still there?

nannynick · 11/08/2008 15:13

You need to have a discussion with her, tell her you are not happy about x, y ,z and talk about how you can resolve that. She may also raise things she isn't happy with.

Certainly tell her that holiday clubs are not an option and that you need a full-time nanny, not someone who want's to study.

You have already spoken to the agency, so with luck they will be at least thinking about possible replacements, should you need to replace her.

nannynick · 11/08/2008 15:15

Yes I think you are right, I think you need to do the pushing.

Original poster

demandingboss · 11/08/2008 15:15

PT I am concerned of the upheaval for the children and also that we would struggle to recruit another one as we are in the country. But the agency this morning told me no problem...........but then they want a fee so they would!

OP posts:

Countingthegreyhairs · 11/08/2008 15:17

how often do you sit down with her at the end of the day and ask how it has gone?

does she get regular feedback from you?

she does sound as if she is taking advantage and doesn't have the professional attitude at all BUT it is demoralising to work in a role where you are just expected to 'get on with it' with no sounding block/recognition/constructive criticism etc etc

not suggesting you are actually doing that demandingboss just throwing out ideas ...

FabioFridgeFluffFrenzy · 11/08/2008 15:17

I think you might need to lose her by stealth.
Recruit a new nanny first, then give her the old heave ho.
Not sure about her employment rights though, so you may need to either sack her or make her redundant. Sacking might be cheaper. God knows you've got grounds.

And find out if your new nanny can start with a week's notice, in case current encumbant fks off in the night.

poshtottie · 11/08/2008 15:18

but by paying an agency hopefully it will make it easier.

Do your children love her? In my experience children move on very quickly so I think it won't be such an upheaval as much as you think.

elliott · 11/08/2008 15:18

But you've had her for some time now haven't you, so if you want to change things it is goign to be that much more effort because she has got used to a soft ride (a bit like cracking down on discipline with an unruly child - we're trying to do that one at the moment!)
But these things are not as bad as you think. I had to talk to my nanny about a couple of issues and it wasn't such a big deal. I know it would be nice if they were all completely self motivated and self managing but adly it doesn't always work out that way...so put on that hard hat, be clear what you want her to do and just do it.

rookiemater · 11/08/2008 15:46

You have no option but to discuss this comment with her. If you don't then she will think that you are validating her right to study in paid employment time. To make it easier you can do it under the "concerned boss" guise but you need to start upping the ante. Perhaps you could mention the scrap book, advise you are unhappy that despite requesting it to be put in place it is not there( verbal warning) confirm exactly what you want in it and state a date by which you expect it to be operational. As there isn't much of the school holidays left then give her a very short time space, maybe a couple of days.

If it does not materialise by then, I would think that constitutes fair notice of a written warning. If after that it does not appear, or it is different from how you anticipated, then seems to me like that is grounds for final warning.

Sorry I'm probably trying to tell my granny how to suck eggs. It is hideous trying to juggle working with managing the very people who are meant to be helping you. I put up with a completely rubbish cleaner for about a year just because she was fairly reliable about turning up and bought DS an Easter Egg. She ended up leaving due to personal reasons. Now we have the new one, I can't believe I put up with someone doing so little for so long.

Hope you sort it out soon, but unfortunately you do need to sort it out.

chickydee · 11/08/2008 15:52

It sounds like she knows she is onto a winner,she is paid an awful lot per week to do very little really, ok in the school hols she (should) be working for her money, but in term time she has it easy street!
If she can't cope with 2 older kids in the school hols, then she shouldn't be in this line of work.
I have 2 kids, 11 and 6, bt i am looking for a nanny/babysitting job,(I am fully qualified),and I have HEAPS of ideas (i need them) on how to keep kids happy in the hols!. It's really not that hard, especially if you have your own pool (This is just luxury!!!)
If I were you I would tell her straight, she is rubbish and taking the pee and for that money you could get soooooo much better (like me,lol).

Good luck,and I understand about you not wanting the upheaval and hassle, but she knows this too, thats why she's still there

Original poster

demandingboss · 11/08/2008 16:17

UPDATE

DH is at home. Nanny has been on her laptop computer all afternoon. Children watching TV , playing lego on their own and on their PSP's.

Whose blood is boiling other than mine ???

have told DH if he doesnt discuss with her right now I will sack her when I get home this evening or if I am late by text !

Surely no amount of nanny management requires me to explain to her that she shouldnt be on the laptop all afternoon ????

OP posts:

clumsymum · 11/08/2008 16:34

No you are right, but the kids won't get any harm from knowing how to entertain themselves for a while (altho here TV is not allowed between 9:00 a.m. and 4:00 p.m., and PSP/PC time is limited to an hour (sometimnes a generous hour) per day).

Is there no housework to do ??

citronella · 11/08/2008 16:45

Definitely taking the proverbial! I think you need a talk with her ( call it a midyear review or something) and reestablish her job description.
Bl**ming cheek!

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