To be shocked that my nanny cant cope with looking after my children full time in the holidays ?

[demandingboss]

Thats it really. We were away for the first 2 weeks.She has had them for 3 weeks and only has this week to go then she has a week off which is costing me a fortune to cover and then she has 3 days one week and 2 days the next and they are back to school.

Told me this am that she cant cope with having them 11 hors a day in the hols its just too exhausting and she spent all weekend in bed feeling poorly with the stress of it all.

She gets paid full time wages all year rund and has lots of perks ( and I maen lots ).

She seemed to be suggesting that they could go to holiday club so she could get on with some studying during the day!!!

I was so gobsmacked I just left and acme to work!

To be honest Im not expecting to get any replies to this as you will I am sure be too shocked to type!

DB did state further down the page that she has planned a meeting with her nanny this evening.

Hi DB!

Note to self: If you want loads of responses, post on AIBU

This situation has been simmering away for quite sometime - given this and previous threads, I would be doubtful if she is ever going to step up to the mark. Hope tonight goes well, what is your plan? - TBH I would be giving her notice. I like the suggestion of getting an au pair plus.

FWIW I think that the pay, terms and conditions are quite a good deal. I'm amazed by all the posts saying that 11 hr days for a few weeks in the summer is exploitation.

Many parents can't bear there own children for any length of time it seems so I would not be surprised at someone unrelated to them feeling the same

DB I don't think you're being unreasonable.

I think you know yourself, your nanny has no motivation for her job. She is doing it for the cash and her studies are her primary concern.

For yours, and your children's sakes, it seems to me that you'd be better to let her go, and find someone who has the motivation to be the nanny your children deserve.

I have read the whole thread, and I know there's more to it, but I do think that's the crux of the matter. So why keep flogging a dead horse??

He life, the fact she can't manage her own cash, her housing needs etc etc are none of your conern. You need to separate your empathy for her as a person, from your responsibility to your children and your role as her employer.
If she's earning £1200 a month after tax, and has unlimited use of a free car and diesel, all household bills and food paid for, then she should have a bloody massive savings account by now! If she hasn't, then is that really your problem?? Don't mean to be harsh. But I think that's the reality. You're responsible for her life and she's responsible for her own.

The working relationship between you doesn't appear to be working. She can't be thick skinned enough to believe that she's fooling you into thinking she's doing her best. she clearly isn't.

JN's post right back at the start: " JudgeNutmeg on Mon 11-Aug-08 13:43:43 " showed that with a bit of energy and imagination your children could have a great time during the holidays. IMHO, I think you need to cut your losses and find someone who thinks like that.

sorry, should preview - you're responsible for your life, of course, and she's responsible for her own

Meeting called for 6.45pm tonight. I have said that briefly we want to discuss;

1. Her comments that she cant cope with looking after the children for 11 hours a day in the holidays.

1. DS's challenging behaviour

1. Time for her study.

DH and I have agreed that she will be told that 1. is the job and if she cant cope then she must consider whether she is up to the job and can combine it with another 3 years study. We have agreed between ourselves that we are not prepared to make the childrens care fit her agenda.

That we think 2 is in part linked to 1 as she is not planning enough challenging activities for the children and that 3 is not acceptable in the holidays during the hours of 8 and 7 when she is being paid to look after the children and again is linked in part to 2 and the comment she made that she wasnt able to get on with studying becuase DS was unable to entertain himself.

She has a weeks holiday next week and I will suggest she thinks whilst she is away and we have a review when she gets back.

What do you think ??

Augh! This thread is driving me nuts! It is not about whether or not the OP should be
a) working,
b) feeling guilty for doing so,
c) re-thinking whether or not she should have had children if she wanted a career,
d) worry about whether or not her kitty is adequate,
e) more specific about her scrapbook requirements

etc. etc. etc.

Should her full time, live in, perfectly well paid (sorry everyone...) nanny be able to cope with two children (who are not in nappies or still napping or being fed pureed food) full time for a few weeks in the school holidays?

Answer, yes, she should be able to. She was aware of what her responsibilities were going to be when she took the job. She is taking the piss. And I rather think she is waiting for you to do something about it, as she clearly can't be bothered to have an honest discussion with you regarding all of this.

End of story.

I hope you manage to get rid of her with the minimum of fuss and that her replacement means you can get on with what you are paying her for, which is the rest of your day to day life, work etc.

Crossed posts db.

You are absolutely right. Spot on. Review after a week off where she has time to think about it is excellent plan.

Well done db.

I agree with you re: challenging behaviour linked to a uninterested nanny who must appear v disinterested to your dcs.

OTOH if his behaviour is outside of her skills as a nanny then it's time to move her on, isn't it?

Sounds like a good idea DB.

Totally agree with FFFF's last post too.

sounds like you have dh on board and a good plan.

What on earth is she spending her money on??????? The mind boggles.

The irony being if she had actively managed the holidays she would have been able to have time to study a few times per week during her working hours anyway grrrrrr.

Good agenda DB. Good luck with the meeting and let us know how you get on.

The review sounds good as long as you stay firm on the points when having the conversation. It is certainly ridiculous for a paid nanny to complain that one of her charge's need for input is ruining her studies . That makes me laugh actually. If she decides after her week off to do the work then I'd stick in another review in two weeks time to see what has changed and that can be the crunch time. And I think it would help to clearly state what you are happy for her to do and not happy for her to do during working hours. And you could agree more clearly defined 'breaks' (times when the children are occupied by themselves)...That is, breaks that don't involve whole afternoons doing her own thing and trying to block out your children.

On the other hand if she doesn't like her job per se this is a good opportunity for her to move on, and if she isn't happy with just certain aspects of the job you can discuss why and is it fixable in a way you can all be happy with. Good luck.

She really shouldn't be studying while she has the dc's in her care. Surely that's for evenings/weekends.

I agree that she seems to be taking the piss. And I don't think you are "micro-managing" her.

I've never had a nanny but my best friend had one for about 16 years, as her 4 kids grew up (youngest is now at school and oldest/grandparents help with kids during holidays so nanny no longer needed).

She always had good relationships with her nannies - she was well "trained" by her first one, who was very experienced and who is still a very good friend (only stopped nannying for bf 'cos her husband moved away for work). However, she did used to leave notes for them, as frequently, she would have left the house before the nanny got there. The notes - like db's - were usually practical things - something that needed to be remembered or suggestions about friends' visits. That is not micromanagement - it is called communication.

It does sound has if she needs more management: she seems clearly incapable of covering the holiday period, despite this being part of the job decription. As a "manager", you therefore need to sit down with her and discuss with her your expectations and what "support" you can offer on order to achieve that. If she is not happy iwth that, then you really need to think about alternative - as this is an essential part of the job description.

if she is complaining about not being able to study during the day, then that is almost a disciplinary issue as she has complaining about notobeing able to do waht is a free time activity during the time that yuo pay her to care for your children.

I think Jura's calculations are spot on - the fact is that the hours are averaged over the year, so she is paid a reasonable rate for the job. Getting side-tracked into whether nannies are or are not paid enough for the job is an irrelevance: she has chosen to take on the job, and as nanny positions go, you are paying very well.

I will often have to work "extra" hours: whether it is to get a bid out, or, to have to wrk 12+ hour days working on an exhibition stand and then on to corporate entertainment. It goes with the job.

Ok

I have read this thread from the start i'm sorry but why do people keep saying that DB needs to manage the nanny better.

This nanny is 39 so she should be expereince in arranging her and her charges time. And yes £30 per week is not alot to pay for days out for her and 2 children but she has proven that she can not be trusted with this money so why would you give her more money.

You can buy many tickets to places online now days so why can't the nanny say the children want to go XYZ and the you can order the tickets for them to go.

And like cargirl if she managed her time better she would time to study, although i can not understand she can not study in her own time in the evening like every other person her works.

Hi lizzie mum and indeed I do that all the time. on Thursday they are off to see a production of Peter Pan in outdoor theatre and I bought the tickets with my credit card as requested.

I was very sad yesterday that my nanny leaves me notes almost everyday about my sons behaviour..........one even said a few months back that she had told my DC's that she would leave if they argued becuase she didnt like being their nanny. I blamed myself.......again

I then thought FGS she should be able to manage him a bit better. When he is occupied he is absolutely fine. That is what I pay her for. She is not a minimun wage teenage babysitter.

Anyway she has moaned about the hours she has to work so given us a perfect opportunity to lead into the conversation and lets see where we get. She may have an agenda as to what she wants us to do about it...........lets see.

I agree Lizziemum - db shouldn't need to, the nanny should be capable of coming up with ideas herself. But part of "management" is re-stating expectations and as the nanny is quite celary not doing waht she should be doing (ie thinking for herslef) than db needs to take that up with her.

DB, without going into details, I can so relate to all of your posts.

The change that came into our house when our Nannynightmare left and we got out local live-out nanny was incredible. We finally realised that we had been living in this festering pot of make-do and moodiness and misery - it was like having our very own dementer drifting round the house.

Get rid. Replace. You are paying a good wage (those who think otherwise can check the current levels here)I am astounded that your nanny professes to not coping with children at their age. You can easily find better. It seems that you have been treating her with respect, but not getting any in return.

By the way, I loved the little drift off into the why-bother-having-kids posts in the middle of the threads. Yes, I must admit that personally I should probably have got dogs instead, but until Boden bring out a dog collar range for me to spend my money on then I will just have to raise the kids instead. Though I will of course be open to swap offers, if anyone has a standard poodle going spare. House-trained of course (though I cannot promise the same in return)

DB - I presume that whene you took her on, you made it clear that it would involve looking after the kids during the holiday? What has she been like during previous holidays?

I think you need to point out to her at your meeting that your dc are arguing because they are bored and she is not doing her job by organising activites for them.

She needs to organise at 3 activities outside the house next week (when she is working) for example they go out Monday,Wednesday and Friday and Tuesday and Thursday she need planned activities at home. You want details of these by Friday this week so you can make sure you have food in for picnics. As you want to see if the arguing improves when your dc are occupied.

Can you ask your dc what they would like to do before they go back to school.

Pretty bird yes.........its in her contract and she also covers when they are ill. Thats why we paid full time so that we could have the flexibility.

Previous hols she has been ok but not fab but this holiday I cut down on her spending and she has all this studying to do and I think that is the issue to be honest. If i threw loads of money at her for jollys everday it would probably be ok . But then I wouldnt be happy and the kids are hyper all day on coke and sweets!!

db, before your meeting you need to think about what outcome you want. Personally I think that you need to move on. You don't want your children being looked after by someone who doesn't actually like spending time with them. No amount of management is going to change that, and actually I think there is a chance that your children are not too happy with the situation (mine only told me all their tales of woe with our previous nanny until quite a long time after she left us). So when you are designing your meeting you need to think of it as part of an exit strategy as well as managing the next couple of weeks. You also need to think of a contingency in case your nanny then goes off sick. It sounds like you probably could manage this situation by calling on friends/family/the agency, but it does need planning.

I'm not really sure what to say about all of this - apart fron get rid of her!!
The fact that she is paid a good salary for what she does or is supposed to do and can't manage it would be enough, but for her to leave you notes (notes!!) about your ds is shocking.

It would be different if she were to discuss with you her concerns about your dc's and then agree a strategy to improve things. But to say that he's badly behaved or whatever and she doesn't want to look after them is bloody ridiculous and she should go as soon as possible so you can arrange for a nanny to take her place that actually has some interest in your children.

She should have never said that to your children get rid of her.
Your priority is your dc's, not keeping a selfish, rude, lazy, immature madam who isn't doing the best for the dc's.