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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be shocked at a 4 day old baby out shopping...

350 replies

mrschop · 29/07/2008 19:45

with his mother of course. But - four days after giving birth you should be resting, recovering, letting all your innards get back to where they should be. Surely not marching around a shopping centre?

And even if the mother is OK to be out and about, shouldn't newborns be given bit of time at home to adjust to being born? Mine didn't leave the house for a week, and then only a short walk up the road.

Am I really old fashioned in thinking that a week or two of rest, peace and quiet (and no germs from random strangers) is the normal thing to do with a new baby?

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 30/07/2008 17:18

Dh will be making his customary walks with this one.

I'll be on the couch.

MrsMattie · 30/07/2008 17:20

I was knocked out for weeks after having DS and was still in my PJs watching This Morning and eating enormous gob-fulls of cake and biscuit until well into the second month of his life. But I have a very good friend who was back in her jeans and doing her shopping a few days after the birth of all three of her kids. Different folks and all that...

izzybiz · 30/07/2008 17:25

YABU, FGS I'm one of those that thinks, you've only had a baby, get up get dressed and get going, millions of women do it all over the world every day! Some don't have beds or sofas to lounge on, they are back to work with babe strapped to their backs the next day!!

Obviously I know if you have had a horrific birth and been injured in some way you might need a few days....!!

Original poster
mrschop · 30/07/2008 17:46

I think walks around the local park are completely different to a daytrip to a shopping centre or going to do a weekly shop a day or two after having had a baby.

Those women who are up and about 'all over the world' might also be ones whose life expectancy, and expectation of quality of life, might be dramatically different from your average Meadowhall shopper?

But I'm clearly outnumbered. The thing I don't get is that others have said people who saw them with a newborn queried whether it was OK to be out with such a young baby. Others have said they advise new mothers not to go out and about too soon, or to take it easy- so my view is not that uncommon in the wider world.

I just wonder why our generation is in such a hurry to get back to 'normal' so quickly. And this thread is at odds with other advice on here - I recall a thread about some TV/radio presenter or other saying she was going to go a festival a week or two after her due date, and people on here ridiculed her.

I don't think admitting you need to put your feet up for a day or two after having a baby , and to have other people look after you, the baby and any other children, is an admission of weakness. It just seems like common sense and basic healthcare to me - you don't find many women who've just had hysterectomies piling the trolley up in Tesco.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 30/07/2008 17:49

i'm really glad the people who helped care for me after i had my girls didn't have your attitude, izzy.

because this 'you've only had a baby' attitude really fucked up my PND.

and, in past generations, you didn't just get on with it.

normally, your family members looked after your other kids whilst you rested and recovered.

except in my great grandmothers case.

she was expected to 'get on with it'.

she was dead at the age of 42, having given birth to 17 children.

izzybiz · 30/07/2008 18:19

Sorry if I have upset you expat, I totally understand everybody is different and has different experiences.
My post was meant to be slightly tongue in cheek, hence the wink at the end, obviously It came across quite wrong!

I still think its a little over the top to be "shocked" to see someone out and about with a newborn baby.
Not every new mum wants or need to rest for a couple of days after birth, I'm one of them.

expatinscotland · 30/07/2008 18:37

It's not upsetting, it's just a sweeping generalisation as much as the OPs is.

expatinscotland · 30/07/2008 18:37

It's not upsetting, it's just a sweeping generalisation as much as the OPs is.

tassisssss · 30/07/2008 18:44

I shared a lift with a beautiful 4 day old baby today out in a shopping centre...with his Dad!! Dad looked like he was looking for his wife and couldn't remember where he'd agreed to meet her

When I had my third recently a quick trip into town with just my newborn would be a whole lot more restful than a morning at home with the other 2!

piximon · 30/07/2008 18:57

We had to take ds3 grocery shopping when he was only a few days old (plus the other 4 dcs). I'd come home to discover that despite having a houseful (my mum, dad and his wife came to visit) no one thought to buy any food so they'd used everything we had and cleared off the next morning.

dh was all over the place and not up to it (his mum was critically ill and I had a difficult labour due to severe chest infection) and we had no one else. Actually it was easier than being at home alone with all 5 while so poorly!

ScottishMummy · 30/07/2008 19:12

dearie me how did we ever evolve as a species if you don't think shopping mall is a safe

i was one of those out all the time with NewBorn mums.never in in fact

babies cannot be kept in a sterile environment, home like a hermetically sealed box

germs are all around us (including the flora on Mummy and Daddy!)and in fact it is healthy to build immune system.many diseases are less virulent when caught as child eg chickenpox

so all those kisses are exchanging saliva yeehaw and offering unconditional love too

stitch · 30/07/2008 19:14

i know a mom at school who dropped her older dc off in th emorning pregnant, and picked them up with a baby in the buggy

izzybiz · 30/07/2008 19:53

My cousins wife came to my Grandfathers funeral with their son who she had delivered the afternoon before.

FioFio · 30/07/2008 20:19

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somepoint · 31/07/2008 15:33

I went out to lunch in a cafe with my third baby the day I had him. Do I win? (It was lovely - near Christmas time - lots of twinkly lights).

DumbledoresGirl · 31/07/2008 15:36

I went shopping in the centre of Croydon when dd (my third baby) was 4 days old. I can't remember what for but I presume it was something essential and not something as simple as a packet of pads which I could have bought locally.

I don't remember being overly tired by the experience and dd was fine.

DumbledoresGirl · 31/07/2008 15:39

Meant to add, I took ds3 (my fourth) to school to pick up the other children when he was about a day and a half old. Yes people seemed shocked to see me, but school was only a 10 minute walk away and I definitely remember walking round the block with ds1 when he was 3 days old, and that was for pleasure. When you have older children, every day routines such as school runs have to continue, new baby or no new baby.

HairyToe · 31/07/2008 15:48

When I was expecting dd1 I had a friend who gave birth to her first baby at midnight, went home the next morning and drove with her dh and the baby to a baby superstore 40 minutes away that afternoon - the baby was not even 24 hours old!

I was still 2 weeks off my due date and I wasn't shocked exactly just amazed that she could be so together. Especially with her first. She was scarily efficient though (unlike me - we never really got on tbh!).

Once DD1 arrived I managed to pop out to the shops with her and dh 5 days after she was born and I was terrified, not to mention walking really carefully, convinced my insides were going to fall out of my vagina.

brownbug78 · 31/07/2008 16:16

Our boy was doing the Tesco shop with us at 8 days old, and having a meal in Nando's at 10 days old, and he's a nosy parker 9 month old now who's interested in every place we go to!

watsthestory · 31/07/2008 16:18

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syskywalker · 31/07/2008 16:21

we went food shopping as i left the hospital on foot 2 days after giving birth and i tore quite badly, but you gotta do what you gotta do as even with list he would have come home with half the stuff we needed missing.

also went to shops for some bits for no.1 as no 2 was a mere day old and again i tore badly as the midwifes and consultants ignorance almost killed my little man.

sweetkitty · 31/07/2008 16:23

DD3 whos 2 weeks was out at 2 days old and went to a theme park for a few hours wth us for her sisters 4th birthday (it's 5 mins drive away so wasn't in the car for age) at 5 days old.

DD2 was out the day after she was born.

Remember not everyone has relatives swarming about and you have to get back to normal as soon as you can and get on with it. Even though DP took the brunt of everything for about a week I would love a week or two's rest.

sweetkitty · 31/07/2008 16:25

I drove the day after DD2 was born too forgot about that, hadn't planned too but we went to Asda after going to the hospital for DD2's one day old check and DP spotted a bargain TV and bought it only to realise he couldn't fit it in the boot of the car SO he had to get a taxi home and I had to drive the car - men eh?

carmenelectra · 31/07/2008 16:28

i took my ds2 out shopping the day after he was born. Quite a few people commented whilst we were out and about and were surprised that i was out and about so quickly as it was obvious he was a tiny newborn . I dont think its unusual at all. So long as you feel ok. There is no way on this earth i would stay in the house for a week! Unless i felt ill or there was a blizzard outside.

I had to go and pick ds 1 from school by about day 5 anyway as dp wasnt able to on that day, so i would have had to be up and about by then.

Having a baby isnt an illness!

PInkyminkyohnooo · 31/07/2008 16:32

I had to go shopping as soon as I was out of hospital with DD, post cs, the need for a bra that fitted me was far too great!