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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be shocked at a 4 day old baby out shopping...

350 replies

mrschop · 29/07/2008 19:45

with his mother of course. But - four days after giving birth you should be resting, recovering, letting all your innards get back to where they should be. Surely not marching around a shopping centre?

And even if the mother is OK to be out and about, shouldn't newborns be given bit of time at home to adjust to being born? Mine didn't leave the house for a week, and then only a short walk up the road.

Am I really old fashioned in thinking that a week or two of rest, peace and quiet (and no germs from random strangers) is the normal thing to do with a new baby?

OP posts:
PinkTulips · 30/07/2008 12:49

and for the record, i spent an hour or 2 out of the house getting fresh air and the rest of the 24 hours slumming around in my pj's feeding baby and watching tv.

i certainly don't feel i pushed myself, i just needed to get out and about.

and seeing as i left hospital within 24 hours with both kids, technically i'd exposed both of them to the great outdoors already at that point so the damage was done

going out 2 days after dd's birth might have saved me from serious illness as well. the short walk dislodged the piece of retained placenta that the hospital hadn't noticed was missing (despite the blood in my waters and massive haemorage) and was making me quite ill up til that point. felt much better as soon as i passed it.... always wondered if i would have done so if i hadn't taken that walk.

cali · 30/07/2008 12:51

Tittybangbang, other mums as well as myself have successfully breastfeed and have managed to get out of the house only a few days after giving birth.

You do not need to spend the 1st couple of weeks in the house to establish breastfeeding when a baby a newborn. It depends on how confident/comfortable a mother is to breastfeed a baby outside of her house.
If you feel happy to do it, fine. If you want to stay in the house, fine.
What works for one mum, will not necessarily work for another.
This does not make one mum right and the other mum wrong, there will always be differences of opinion.

I personally would have gone crazy if I had felt I had to stay in the house for the 1st couple of weeks. My choice, my baby, for me it was the right one to make. BF dd1 for 20months and still BF dd2 at 11months, so going out and about in the days has not affected my ability to BF.

I have just come back home so have only just quickly read through posts following on from own.

BananaSkin · 30/07/2008 12:51

I have a huge rush of energy after giving birth and was out early with all three. It probably wasn't a good idea, but I needed to get out of the house and show off my wonderful babies.

Gosh I hope people weren't judging me like that at the time .

Boco · 30/07/2008 12:53

I remember taking dd1 into central London when she was 5 days old - I had no clothes that fitted anymore, I felt great and I was desperate to be out. We had lunch out and it was lovely.

With dd2 I didn't go out for weeks and could never have faced it.

AnAngelWithin · 30/07/2008 12:56

well i went for a walk up to the shop in the afternoon after dd2 was born at home at 4am on a saturday. monday morning i did the school run with all 4 dcs in tow, albeit a little slower! its not like i was running a marathon though!!

VaginicaKnickersovsky · 30/07/2008 12:59

YABU
I was out with dd the day we got home from hospital when she was 2 days old.
I was going stir crazy from being in hospital for that length of time.
She never came to any harm from it

scottishmum007 · 30/07/2008 13:02

maybe she needed to get some shopping in, who knows. YABU. I personally didn't feel up to going out for ages, but that was just me. Others may feel fab just after giving birth.We all experience it differently.

bythepowerofgreyskul · 30/07/2008 13:04

MY GOD YABU
you are the reason we didnt go to the shops after DS2 was born!!
He was born at lunch time after a short and simple delivery at home. DS1 was with the grandparents and we needed some supplies from the shops.
THE ONLY reason we didn't go was because we thought people may think it was irresponsible.
I baked a victoria sponge instead and invited the neighbours in to meet the new baby.
We went to Sainsbury's the next morning instead (so he was still less than 24 hours old)
It didn't have any effect on me breastfeedign at all.

butwhybutwhy · 30/07/2008 13:04

I've seen it before where new mums are out and about days, even one day after the birth and been a bit shocked.

But at the same time, when I had my first, all I wanted to do was get straight out there with my new baby and shiny pushchair but I was under house arrest for a fortnight.
With the other kids, I've just wanted to stay in and be mardy about my achey fanjo.

Each to their own I guess.

Mercy · 30/07/2008 13:11

I'm just amazed that so many of you had the energy to get out when your babies were so tiny (I don't understand the cabin fever thing after a couple of days either)

I felt pretty rough after dd was born (she wouldn't feed or sleep, I was bleeding and couldn't sit comfortably due to an episiotomy, had to wait in for midwives etc). And after ds, I was so 'floppy' I could barely walk.

I'm obviously an old unfit mum!

PinkTulips · 30/07/2008 13:21

did nobody else have to go out after their first as they simply didn't have alot of baby things they needed?

i had to go to mothercare when dd was 6 or 7 days as i hadn't bought a baby bath, changing mat and loads of other things, not to mention i wanted some girl clothes as i was bored of pastels and whites already at that point.

maybe i was the only one who felt too fat and cross to shop when pregnant?

pooka · 30/07/2008 13:51

But as I posted before, with the exception of people with no partner/nearby family, there is no reason why a partner/nearby family could not buy the things that are needed on the mother's behalf.

I don't think the OP is unreasonable for pondering whether it really is such a good idea for people to strive to regain normality so quickly after a massive emotional and physical event. She didn't comment to the mother herself. With hindsight, I massively regret the (self-imposed) pressure I felt to get on with things when I think I should instead have hibernated for, well, at least a week.

scottishmum007 · 30/07/2008 13:52

pink tulips, i got others to run about for me because I had no energy to go to shops myself. DH had to go out and buy bits and pieces, i certainly wasn't in any state to to it myself. after a 3rd degree tear you don't feel like doing much exercise!!

duomonstermum · 30/07/2008 14:07

i was out and about 6hrs after having DD. i just needed to get out and get some fresh air so took her for a walk. DH nearly had a fit wen he came back from the shops!!

PinkTulips · 30/07/2008 14:11

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaha

dp buying baby things

priceless!

i sent him out when dd was 1 day old to get me nipple cream and he was gone for most of the day and had to ring me 4 times.

JulesJules · 30/07/2008 14:14

YABU.
Probably a lot less germs outside/ in a shop than there are in hospital, so it's not "dangerous" from that point of view. And if you feel up to it, it's nice to get out, isn't it?

I was in Waterstone's, 6 days post caesarian with DD2 (she wanted to browse the Philosophy section ) and we walked through a department store on the way to the bus stop and were surrounded in the cosmetics hall by everyone off the counters, cooing over DD and telling me how fabulous I looked (considering) and how gorgeous DD was. It was lovely, totally unexpected, and it was a real boost.

scorpio1 · 30/07/2008 14:15

YABU - i wanted to show the world my dd, at 3 days we went out, had lunch out etc.

expatinscotland · 30/07/2008 14:24

gawd, i felt like death warmed over after giving birth every time.

i'm really showing my age here!

i hope my girls have kids when they're young, i don't care what anyone says, but i think age makes a difference.

Marne · 30/07/2008 14:26

Each to their own, if i was well enough i would have taken mine out ASAP, but as i could'nt walk for 2 weeks without looking like i had pooed myself we stayed in.

BitOfFun · 30/07/2008 14:41

I nipped out to buy a bottle of champagne two hours after my home birth , and took the baby out to show my friend down the road another couple of hours after that! I must have been on a high after all ythe birth hormones I think, and probably looked a bit bonkers to be honest...

JulesJules · 30/07/2008 14:42

Expat I was nearly 44 when I had DD2, but it was an elective section which I think makes a huge difference. I couldn't have gone out after DD1 - "normal" delivery, i.e. forever in labour, constantly throwing up, then epi gone bad. Couldn't face going out (and couldn't walk) for weeks

jammi · 30/07/2008 15:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

glaskham · 30/07/2008 16:10

I was getting last min xmas shopping on xmas eve and ds was born on the 21st dec!! ... and i had very successful breastfeeding too... with dd we had our double glazing fitted the day after she was born so we went shopping too, she was less than 30hrs old and was being walked around the shops, though i felt i could have ran a marathon then!! No stitches or anything, and exellent latching with no pain or anything....

No harm in it in my opinion!!

Original poster
mrschop · 30/07/2008 16:49

Pooka and Turnip, thanks for your comments. You have understood what I was saying - I really wasn't judging the woman I saw. I used her as an example as seeing her made me think about people being up & about very soon after having a baby. I agree with people who say what she (or anyone else) does is none of my business. But I did wonder what other people thought about the tendency to be up and about quite quickly - and you have to be reasonably eye-catching to get responses, though this thread has been very busy so maybe I could have phrased the OP more neutrally and we could have all still had the discussion!

Tbh honest, I saw the baby and thought 'ah, how lovely' - but I just wondered how the new mum would feel in a week or two when DP was back at work etc. And also whether being in a busy shopping centre was the best thing for a newborn - in terms of being overstimulated as well as the dreaded bugs (tho I take the point that's been made a few times about germs in hospitals - no doubt the average JL is cleaner than my local maternity unit!)

OP posts:
VaginicaKnickersovsky · 30/07/2008 17:17

If you start an OP with 'AIBU...to be shocked at 4 day old baby out shopping' then it does sound judgemental, IMHO.

I loved getting out for walks with my dd from when she got home from hospital at 2 days, and I'm glad I never had a negative experience by meeting anyone who did profess to be shocked by it.