To get so wound up about my dd's fussy friend...

[sabire]

who comes round OFTEN, and doesn't eat: pasta, pizza, cheese, seafood, fish, rice, tomatoes, anything in a sauce, quiche, noodles, lasagna ('never tried that!), stew argggh!

I really struggle to be accomodating, because the lesson I give my own children around food is this: you are not in a cafe and you don't get to pick and choose your meals. When someone prepares food for you it's a gift and a privilege. If you don't like it, just politely say you aren't very hungry and don't have seconds. If children say to me 'I don't like that' when they come around for a meal I just say - 'don't worry love - you don't have to eat it' but don't offer them anything else..... Is that mean?

When my dd goes to other people's houses and they say 'what would she like to eat' my answer is: 'whatever you want to give her'. Consequently my children are very unfussy compared to their friends - they eat almost anything and enjoy it. Obviously if a child was allergic to something or really repulsed by it I wouldn't expect them to eat it - but basic fussiness - I can't cope with it. I'm just worried that I'm going to turn my children into social pariahs because I won't pander to their friends' fussy eating habits.

Tortoise, I think DS2 has a food 'anxiety' too. It takes a lot of persuasion to get him to even try something new. I really really wish he wasn't like this, but making a big deal about it makes it soooo much worse!

I don't have any qualms about how you handle it. I have no experience, so wouldn't know. If softly works for you, then fine.

But some children are just fussy. And not necessarily just about food.

But fussy is one thing. I think it is detrimental to your son, to think of him as fussy. That makes him seem like it is just a whim.

But it is more serious with him. it is more medical. more of an 'issue'.
I find it much easier to be sympathetic to that.

Winky, DS2 won't eat sweets. He will eat chocolate, but it would have to be a sort that he was familiar with. He refuses sweet things as well as savoury!

I have kept a 3 weeks food diary for DS2, given it to the HV and the doctor who have both agreed that while he does eat a huge variety of foods, his diet is a very balanced one. I try very hard to make sure DS has a balanced diet...I don't know what else I can do bar force feeding!

And DS wouldn't touch baked beans/burgers/pizza with a barge pole!

(Sorry, reading the thread in bits)

my DS will eat the following

weetabix/shreddies
wholemeal bread
cheese
youghurts/fromage frai
apple
pasta
home made bolognaise
sausages
ham
meatballs
potatoe
pizza
chicken
turkey
and thats it,

no veg, won't even drink milk although he will eat it with his weetabix

the smug attitude of the OP gets right on my tits

I don't think anyone is suggesting that we make our children eat things they don't like, but half the problem sometimes and I stress sometimes (before you all jump on my back) is that children often refuse to even try things. I was 24 before I ate a tomato, I tried one and have loved them ever since. I don't know why I did not try them before as I was not a particularly fussy eater as a child and ate very well.

I have two brilliant eaters and one who is incredibly fussy. All these comments along the lines of "if a child is hungry, they will eat etc etc" are water off a duck's back to me as I know they are utter bollocks. My daughter has no interest in food and would happily go for days without eating rather than eat something she doesn't want to.

We eat togoether every night and all food is cooked from scratch. The fact that 2 of my kids will happily eat everything from Anchovies to liver and one will hardly eat anything is obviously just one of those things.

Sorry, my previous post was only to tortoiseSHELL

i would habe been your idea of nightmare play date when i was younger op!
i have 1 very fussy dc,one not quite as fussy and 1 brilliant eater!so its nothing to do with my parenting.

My dd had a gastric reflux when she was a baby and would vomit when faced with rice or mashed potato. She used to gag and throw it back I think it was the texture.

Don't think it would make her sick now but she remembers it and would not eat these even if she is starving hungry.

If a mum asks if there is anything she doesn't like I will mention it but if dd is faced with it on her plate I have always told her to leave it and not make a fuss.

Apart from those kids with allergies, gastric reflux, anxiety about food - which are a minority, I reckon the vast majority of fussy eaters are just that - and are briliant at giving their parents the run around about it.

Are you trying to tell me that a kid will willingly starve for days on end before eating something? That's rubbish. Absolute rubbish.

But then again, if a child like between ten and twenty kinds of foods, I don't think they are fussy eaters.

And on MN, have you noticed, if you don't concur with the mass opinion, you get told to fuck off and all sorts? Imagine having a different opinion to the consensus.

Assuming that fussy eating isn't due to parenting problems is just as much of a sweeping generalisation as saying that it is because of crap parenting.

How you can all be so very sure of yourselves and other people and their parenting, I don't know. But you lot really are, aren't you?

Yes some children really do starve themselves for days on end. The idea that they won't is a myth. Ds1 ended up being tube-fed in hospital because he wouldn't let anything in his mouth. I find it hard to believe that he is the only child on the planet that this has happened to.

And your child has no anxiety issues about food, copper? That's not fussy eating. That's something else, surely?

actually milk we're not, we're just defending ourselves against the people who making the sweeping generalisation that children who are fussy eaters are the result of crap parenting.

I'm sure there are just as many fussy eaters who are like that because of their parents. But there are a hell of a lot of parents like me that have a fussy eater and are at a loss as to the reasons why.

Ds1 was still a baby at the time. He was later found to have a hypersensitive mouth.

Obviously this isn't a situation that everyone faces but it's just one example of how "No child will ever starve themselves" just isn't true.

No Coppertop, I do appreciate that your ds is not a one off.
But that is more than fussy.
As I said to Tortoise, to give it the respect that it is due, it has to be given a different name, either anxiety, issue .... something.
It is more serious than 'fussy'.

ds doesn't have allergies or any physiological issue that I can attribute to his picky eating. He did have reflux as a baby and I suppose that may have some bearing on things but I don't believe it is a major factor.

He just doesn't want to try new foods and gets very anxious and refuses to put it in his mouth. I don't think he is giving me the 'run-around'.

And milk monitor, it's quite possible that my parenting has affected by child's eating habits, but I suspect that happened in the early days when I was constantly putting food in front of him that he couldn't/didn't want to eat.

I am certainly not saying that I have no responsibility, but people on this thread have repeatedly asked for advice about changing our children's eating habits and been met with silence.

I ahve one "fussy" and one omnivore too.

I must be a crap parent to one and a great parent to the other

palaver that makes two of us then

my dd is extremely fussy and has food intolerances and i still follow the 'if you don't like it just don't eat it but you won't get anything else' rule both at home and at other peoples homes.

i'm not a fan of pandering to kids and i don't pander to other peoples, i try and make something that's got a few differant elements so if they don't like on bit another might suit (eg sausages, peas, and wedges as opposed to stew) but if they don't eat it it's up to their mother to decide if they want to feed them at home.

btw... dd's entire reportiore this month is; fish fingers (have to be tescos free from as she's wheat intolerant),
pizza (wheat free with feta cheese as she can't have cow's milk),
anything potato related,
plain rice,
scrambled eggs and toast (wheat free again)

she used to eat pasta (wf) but has decided it's 'yucky'... she still gets served it as i do alot of pasta for the rest of us and i refuse to seperate the meals any more than they are and she gives in and eats it if she's really hungry.

i send her to peoples houses and to playschool events where she's cooked for and except for warning them about intolerances tell them not to worry if she doesn't eat as she's awkward and she'll be fine.

despite her appalling diet she's gaining percentiles gradually (she was massively underweight before we realised about the wheat intolerance)

my son is an incredibly fussy eater ,always has been, i always tell parents of his friends not to feed him , unless he is staying over then he can eat cereal. i certainly wouldnt expect anyone else to put up with his nonsense