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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want my children to go to the same type of schools i did? DP doesn't agree..

62 replies

Ohireallyshouldnt · 17/07/2008 11:10

I went to firstly an old Cathedral Grammar school (mixed) and then a girls public school. DP went to the local village comprehensive and although it gets good reviews i am not keen on sending my own children there. He also has a son who will definately be going there (lives with DPs ex).

I will do whatever it takes to get my son a scolarship / bursary / or just incredible hard work to pay school fees, to get him / them into a great school.

DP thinks i am a snob (although he delights in calling me his "posh bird" when it suits him).

I always thought my own education was great and was grateful to my parents for it. AIBU to want the same for my kids? Even if DP and his family think i am some kind of stuck-up bitch with a superiority complex (I'm not btw).

OP posts:

elmoandella · 17/07/2008 11:24

why not send them public for primary. private for secondary?

Weegle · 17/07/2008 11:29

you can get bad private schools just as esily as bad state schools - you need to choose the school based on which, regardless of funding, provides the right education, and environment, for your individual child. This may even differ from one child to another.

TheCrackFox · 17/07/2008 11:33

Sorry - I agree with your DP.

My dad went to a posh boys school (in the 1950s) and hated it. All 3 of his DCs went to a normal mixed comprehensive and achieved great results.

You don't always get what you pay for.

lulumama · 17/07/2008 11:33

i think you need to ascertain whether your children would thrive in a private school, they are not for everyone, and then take it from there

you should be doing it if you believe it will be the best education for your children and not just because it is what you did as a child

why are you not keen on the village comp/

Original poster

Ohireallyshouldnt · 17/07/2008 11:35

Couldn't agree more Weegle. So when the time comes i would do a lot of research into ALL schools, free or fee paying to get the right one for my child.

My DP is just content with the local comp for his son "because it was good enough for him". I don't like that attitude, which is why we row about this.

OP posts:

Pavlovthecat · 17/07/2008 11:35

Why do you not want your child to go the local school?

It is was a bad school, it would make sense, you you say it has good reviews.

Pavlovthecat · 17/07/2008 11:35

Sorry that should 'if is was'

mumblechum · 17/07/2008 11:36

I think personally that if your kids are reasonably intelligent, they'd be fine at a state school, but if not, may need the smaller class sizes etc of private.

Kewcumber · 17/07/2008 11:37

I wouldn;t pay to go private if there was a good lcoal priamry - I just don;t see the point.

But then perhaps I'm tight.

Original poster

Ohireallyshouldnt · 17/07/2008 11:37

I don't like the village comp because i don't like the attitude of the kids who get off the bus, don't let me past with my buggy, swear and smoke, litter, are ill-mannered etc etc.

OP posts:

Pavlovthecat · 17/07/2008 11:38

{blush] oh my spelling and wording is all wrong today . You know what I mean.

theowlwhowasafraidofthedark · 17/07/2008 11:39

hmmm, in our family it is the other way round. I went to the local comp (did well, went onto uni etc etc) and he went to public school. I feel the same as you, that I would like our children to go to the same sort of school as me. Whilst perhaps the academic teaching wasn't quite as good, it was more than sufficient and I mixed with a wide range of people from different backgrounds.

I guess your final decisions depend on your finances and the sacrifices you would have to make to send your kids to a private school. I can imagine that if your dp isn't keen on sending your kids to a fee paying school in the first place then this could become an area of tension. I can also understand why he would want your children to attend the same school as his other ds.

Try to approach the local school with an open mind - if it gets good reviews then it probably is good and there are so many experiences you can give your children with the money you would have spent on fees.

Pidge · 17/07/2008 11:39

You're making a big assumption that grammar or public school is better than comprehensive education. Plenty of them are in fact worse.

You need to make your decision based on the schools in your area, and what kind of education you want for your son. And not just what kind of academic education you want for him, but also what kinds of other kids he'll be at school with. Do you want him just educated with academic high achievers (grammar), or just with rich kids (public) or with kids from all walks of life (comprehensive).

Kewcumber · 17/07/2008 11:39

Ooh sorry you're talking about secondary... but ditto anyway. You think your education was great but you don;t know that you might have been just as happy at anopther school - nothing agianst private education (other than price as I can't afford it) but why aren;t you keen on the local comp?

You're fortunate to have a good local state secondary school - ours are shocking despite being in an affluent area of London.

TigerFeet · 17/07/2008 11:40

Unless the local school is a bad school or you don't like the atmosphere I think you are being a bit snobby - sorry.

Kewcumber · 17/07/2008 11:41

your son is 18 months and you're arguing about secondary shcools

You both need to get a grip!

Original poster

Ohireallyshouldnt · 17/07/2008 11:44

No Kewcumber, i am talking about my older son who is nearly 6. Where we live, we have a 3 tiered system (Lower/Middle/upper) so we are talking about something that will happen for him in 3 years time.
I am already having to think about it for DS1, as i have no support on this from wither DP or Ex-husband. Its only research at this stage!

OP posts:

Bink · 17/07/2008 11:44

Don't waste your efforts (either of you) rowing about it now. (I see you have pre-school children as yet.)

So long as your village primary is good/caters for lots of different sorts of children/local, send them there - the advantages of good-enough local state primaries outweigh lots of private options (at primary level).

Then just see what sort of children you have - you might have square pegs who need something special, you might have musical geniuses who are up for scholarships, you might have cheerful robust competent boys who want to be with their local friends & so actively want the local state secondary.

Whenever it looks like an argument is brewing, chant "We don't need to decide now" at each other. Works for us.

lulumama · 17/07/2008 11:48

Ohireallyshouldnt on Thu 17-Jul-08 11:37:44
I don't like the village comp because i don't like the attitude of the kids who get off the bus, don't let me past with my buggy, swear and smoke, litter, are ill-mannered etc etc.

hmmm. i see plenty of privately educated kids with equally bad attitudes..

stroppy teenageness and bad manners are not eradicated by the school you send your children too, that has to come from the home environment

so you are being uber snobby IMO

and i was privately educated too!

TigerFeet · 17/07/2008 11:48

Will you be able to easily afford the fees? If not, I wouldn't bother tbh. Why put yourself through all the extra stress when your dc could well be happy at the local school.

I'm sure you know that children from private schools smoke and swear too [hides fucking fag]

DaDaDa · 17/07/2008 11:49

I agree with your DP. If the local school is good and you're supportive parents they'll do well there.

Original poster

Ohireallyshouldnt · 17/07/2008 11:53

Ok, sorry for being snobby.. i can't help it and don't like it about myself. Military upbringing, something i can't shake off. I live with a scaffolder now . My father would turn in his grave he he...

OP posts:

chopchopbusybusy · 17/07/2008 11:54

So, is your son already at the state lower school? Is it just when he moves up to middle school (aged 9?).

It's a bit early to worry too much imo. Your children may flourish at state lower school, be doing well and keen to move up with their friends. Your DP may be worried (rightly in my opinion) how his other son will feel about being sent to state school which is not considered 'good enough' for his new children.

Original poster

Ohireallyshouldnt · 17/07/2008 11:58

Chophop you are exactly right, thats where our argumnts occur, about his son vs my son etc. However what he and his ex decide for his son is nothing to do with me and what i decide for my son is (to a lesser extent as he lives with us) nothing to do with him. Its so bloody hard being 2 families shoved together and trying to do the right thing.

By the way, the lower school he is at right now is lovely, a little village CofE school and he is very happy there. But at 9 he will have to move to middle school.

OP posts:

Kewcumber · 17/07/2008 12:04

but all holy hell is going to break loose if you decide (with your DP disagreeing) to send your older DS to private school when younger DS comes to go and you cannot agree/afford to send him too.

I really don;t see the point bankrupting yourself when there is a perfectly iable state school available.

I went to a very rough school and have very nice manners and a posh accent courtesy of my mum. Mostly

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