to want my children to go to the same type of schools i did? DP doesn't agree..

[Ohireallyshouldnt]

I went to firstly an old Cathedral Grammar school (mixed) and then a girls public school. DP went to the local village comprehensive and although it gets good reviews i am not keen on sending my own children there. He also has a son who will definately be going there (lives with DPs ex).

I will do whatever it takes to get my son a scolarship / bursary / or just incredible hard work to pay school fees, to get him / them into a great school.

DP thinks i am a snob (although he delights in calling me his "posh bird" when it suits him).

I always thought my own education was great and was grateful to my parents for it. AIBU to want the same for my kids? Even if DP and his family think i am some kind of stuck-up bitch with a superiority complex (I'm not btw).

Sorry I agree with Xenia (blimey)

Send him to the private school if you can afford it and YOU think it will provide a better education.

I don't think you are being a snob for commenting on the behaviour of the local school kids and not wanting to replicate that for your own child. Of couse there are badly behaved kids at all schools but if there is a disclipline problem at this particular school and yo uwant to go elsewhere go for it.

My DP was very anti private schools and I am very pro depending on the child. I wore him down over 5 yrs but the turning point comes when you visit the schools. In our local area you just can't compare the two.

It's funny that a lot of people assume that parents opt for independent schools because they're more academic. In some ways, for us it's the opposite.
IME, both from my state education and through teaching in the state sector, bright pupils are pigeon holed, pushed into academic A-levels and steered towards a narrow range of degree subjects. In the independent sector (in general) they are exposed to a much wider range of subjects (IME) and given far more open and targetted career advice.

I do want my kids to do well but I also want them to feel they can choose subjects/a career path that interests them rather than feel pressured to do 'what clever boys do'.

At my school, clever bright lads who showed a flare for art/design would never ever have been encouraged to follow anything arty at uni. It was always a case of '3 predicted As, so do you want to be a doctor or a lawyer?'

MY DH went to Boarding School and I went to local Comprehensive. I would love to send DS private if I could afford it, SH is not bothered although he loved boarding school. If you enjoyed your school I don't think you are being snobby in sending your DS to the kind of school you had a great time at

Sorry, that did not answer your OP at all!
It turned into my own rant about a particular sore point of mine.

I think you should talk about it, and if it's important to you and you genuinely feel the school is a better environment for your kids then convince him. Do go and have a look at the state schools though.

ohireally, but that's why traditional matchmakers and I suppose some parents steer people away from unsuitable people. Most long term relationships work best when people have a similar world view including on issues of politics and education and religion; less scope for acrimony later which I suppose is why people tend to socialise with others who share their views.

I went to a private all girls school and although you were pushed very hard and there was alot of work i know I wouldnt have passed any of my GCSE had i not had the school driving me towards the grades... however, the school pushed you for all the wrong reasons, ie they need people to get good grade for the league tables. That said I loved that school. Most of the people there were alot better off than my family but i feel that it gave me a lot of good morals that I have carried on with me.
On the note of being alowed to choose your own career path the school were hardly impressed with mine and im sure i wont be one of the students invited back in years to come to talk of my sucess.... Im now 20 and have 2 children which isnt good for the schools "image" but i have done 2 years of my degree and hope to go on and own my own landscaping business one day... this is one of my favourate comments about me doing landscape design "you want to be a gardener, why would you want to do that? Surely it would be better to get a real job. You'll get bored of it soon enough" She was a particually snobby teacher.
I will however definately be sending my children to private schools. Most of the schools in our city are a joke IMO and if the children are anything like me (and their dad) they will need all the help they can get. I havnt quite worked out how im going to afford to send them there yet, but thats just a minor detail

Charlotte, I guess the fact that your post and mine demonstrate polar opinions just show why it's important to visit the schools you're considering. They are all so different.

Some independent schools are unashamedly pushy on the academic front. It's what they're all about and they don't try to pretend otherwise. Others, such as the one we chose for our children, are what I'd consider more rounded. Results are still very good but lots of emphasis on sport, music and art too. Just what we were looking for.

My point was that some state schools are totally obsessed with their results and the amount of children they get onto well regarded degrees at Oxbridge or Russell Group universities.

You probably knew before you had kids with him that this would be a big issue for both of you, no?

..the most important thing is not private or state, but the quality of the teaching coupled with your child's personality.
Your child is not you and therefore may not benefit from the same educational environment you had.
My DD is a rabid extravert adn I have been round all the local schools and decided the one that will suit her most is the local state primary, when she has to move schools I shall do the choice thing again. Private may well then be the best option.
I went to a very VERY academic school and am very academic, DD appears to be creative and arty therefore I ould not force her into an academic straight jacket.

Look at your child, look at teh school environment, then choose.

My friend has just pulled his DD out of a private school and into the local comp, now she has made friends and is much happier.

Your own educational experience and social ambitions are not a viable basis for shoving your child into a school that does not suit them.

You are arguing about schools but I don't see how you can expect your DP to send his eldest DS to the local comprehensive and then his younger one to fee paying, unless you can get a scholarship, for full fees,it simply isn't fair. I wouldn't contemplate treating my children differently.

howsabout asking your DS what he thinks?