Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this woman is a cow? (topic may offend/upset)

432 replies

crazybuslady · 15/07/2008 15:14

Was waiting for a bus yesterday, while at bus stop I saw a mother, dd (approx age 4) and grandma come to bus stop, had seen them earlier walking down the street.

DD didnt want to go on the bus she was crying saying she wanted to stay with granny. Mother mentioned to granny than dd was tired - hadnt slept that day. Mother started to wind the child up eg "you ARE going on the bus"..."noooo mummy dont want to" ..."well you are so there!"

Petty back and forth argument which was frankly rediculas, dd tried to walk away from the bus stop, the mother turned it in to an almost game, mother was laughing and chasing her but shouting swear words at her and telling her she was going to "batter you when we get in" I was Then heard a whack, and looked round to see the mum hit the child 2x. Child started sobbing - from her point of view mum was chasing her laughing next min she was being hit)

Now hittings not to my taste, but I realise some people do this so I just tried to look away - small bus stop though so not really possible.

Child was then wingey (was being ignored by mum who only spoke to her to swear at her) Child then said "I am NOT goin on bus I want to go to grannys" (I though no fekking wonder) And the mother literally dragged dd by her arm along ground. DD fell to ground sobbing, mother grabbed her collar and lifted her up by it shouting and swearing and whacked her 5 more times.

At this point bus came, I told woman if she hit her dd in my sight once more id call police. (Now in retrospect I shouldnt have said that, I should have just called, but I was furious and not thinking straight) We got on same bus mother told me to "fucking go ahead then"...so I did. (mother was now dragging child up bus by arm, I dont mean pulling I mean literally dragging, then whacking her again when she wouldnt sit on seat.

Police car was sent right away but didnt arrive in time before she got off the bus I gave a description etc. But as she got off woman threatened to "batter my face in, if she hadnt got the child with her" (I felt like saying go on then, Id rather take the pain than a poor child, then you will go to prison, child will go to foster care and be better off)

I wish Id followed them, police didnt get them If I ever see them again will phone again.

If she does that in public wtf does she do at home.

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 15/07/2008 22:40

That ONE incident could be the only one to take place in public that could possibly get a poor battered child help.

A person who give a child ONE smack on a busstop can be forgiven on the thought "it might be a one off". A person who keeps hitting a child repeatedly and is not restrained by the "shock" of just having hit his/her child, is something different. At some point violent behaviour becomes the norm, and you dont realize it is not the done thing. That is when people start hitting repeatedly on busstops, they crossed the line long ago. And that is why it is not just right to call the police, but imperative. I rather protect a defenceless child than a grown up who very clearly can defend herself.

Nikkitwotimes · 15/07/2008 22:41

here here!!!

chocbutton · 15/07/2008 22:42

I think you did the right thing - you saw a small child being attacked and called for help. If it turned out this was a one off (i have to say I think this is unlikely based on what you have said) I am sure that the police and SS would deal with it appropriately, and perhaps this woman would get the right help/support or whatever. If it wasn't a one off then I also think they would deal with it appropriately i.e. remove child/ prosecute etc.

I just can't see how kerrymum can justify her comments on this woman's behaviour being excusable based on the possibility that the child may not be a "little angel" Who was the adult in this scenario?? No matter what that child did the adult shouldn't have resorted to violence.

It makes me really that this sort of action is being even remotely justified on a parenting website!

Kimi · 15/07/2008 22:42

Well said

Kimi · 15/07/2008 22:45

My children can be little shits just like everyone elses, but I would kill of die dor them, and no matter how bad a day I am having I would not lash out at them.
I will be the first to admit I have the temper of satan himself, but there is a line and you do not cross it.

Nikkitwotimes · 15/07/2008 22:46

Indeed! It worrys me that people even consider trying to excuse this kind of behaviour.

KerryMum · 15/07/2008 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KerryMum · 15/07/2008 22:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kimi · 15/07/2008 22:49

DS1 was bullied very very badly by a child in his class, that child came from a home where dad beat shit out of mum, told his son you got respect by violance and hit the kids too.

Evil breeds evil, teach a child to hate and hate they will teach a child to love and who knows we might all make it in this world arter all.

If you hit a child you teach them to hit.

QuintessentialShadows · 15/07/2008 22:49

Kerrymum what did it warrant then? A turned back?

QuintessentialShadows · 15/07/2008 22:50

There is a difference between snapping and long drawn out violence.

chocbutton · 15/07/2008 22:51

you didn't say the actual words but your post clearly inferred this by saying you felt sorry for the poor mum, and that the child may be a "downright monster" - I therefore take your post to mean that if said child is a monster then what the mum did was ok

Nikkitwotimes · 15/07/2008 22:53

it's the police's job to decide if a crime has been committed. If there is even a 0.00000001% chance that the child is being abused than CBL did exactly the right thing in calling the police.

KerryMum · 15/07/2008 22:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
crazybuslady · 15/07/2008 22:54

Thank you so much everyone, have had my friend over tonight and we had many cups of tea and cakes and chatted about it in depth.

KerryMum if I am ever so depressed/stressed that I treated a child like that then I would hope someone DID call the police on me so I could have a chance to get my help.

Frankly your rediculas arguments are just making me MORE glad I did what I did, cos clearly someone has to.

Thank you everyone who has made me see that. If anything like that happens again I wouldnt confront but would call police - I could have on my consience that someone had a grueling interrigation by police...I couldnt have on my consience that a child died/lived with a life of abuse cos I didnt step in.

OP posts:
Nikkitwotimes · 15/07/2008 22:55

And what's the worse that could happen if it was a one time thing -the mother could end up getting the help she obviously needs.

Kimi · 15/07/2008 22:55

Kerrymum, I like you and I think you are a valued poster here, but no one knows if this woman was going to go home and do worse. If she was having a bad day that does not excuse the treatment of a small child.
I think the fact she threatened the OP shws it is second nature to her to lash out.

A child is a fragile thing and one slap to hard can result in tragady.
No one is a perfect parent and if anyone says they are they are lying, but the treatment of this small child by the very person who is supposed to love and protect her is unforgivable whatever the circumstances.

The child deserves better, and the OP was right to report it

KerryMum · 15/07/2008 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatieDD · 15/07/2008 22:56

Well Kerry'sMum I hope you never get battered in the street 7/8 times and nobody ignores it and thinks well it's none of my business I'll cross over the street, FFS who cares if she's mother of the year for the other 364, let her tell that to the police when they catch up with her.

Nikkitwotimes · 15/07/2008 22:57

The worse the mother could expect was some grilling by the police. The worse the child could get is unimaginable. And if the mother needed help I agree calling the police could be the kindest thing CBL could have done.

chocbutton · 15/07/2008 22:58

Kerrymum - CBL was showing her kindness by trying to help a child being attacked - why is your kindness being directed to the mother first?? that is ridiculous

Pannacotta · 15/07/2008 22:58

Think the OP did absolutely the right thing, what an awful situation to witness, poor little girl.
Repeated hitting/dragging is totally unacceptable and definately warranted a call to the police, am sorry the police didnt manage to track down the women in question. Hopefully next time they will.

KatieDD · 15/07/2008 22:59

Would a sweet have been offered before the 2nd time she was hit or the 5th ?

Collision · 15/07/2008 22:59

But KerryMum you are making out the police are the bad guys and they are not!

They are there to help and refer the right people to this mother who battered her child in full view of someone.

It might be that if the police had met up with this woman she could explain what had happened and convince them that she had had a bad day and snapped and no further action would be taken. It might be she would be grateful they had called round and given her the support she needed.

You really are inconsistent in your postings KerryMum. You really are.

Well done again CBL. Glad you are OK and next time make sure you have social services number in your phone!!

2shoes · 15/07/2008 23:00

kerrymum I did ask you a question. any chance of an answer