Was told off nastily for being 'patronising' at a BBQ tonight - sorry long and rambling

[BoysAreLikeDogs]

because I gave my stock explaination of the musical intrument that I play viz 'a cornet, resembles a small trumpet'.

I have never met this woman before, she is a new neighbour of our friends, so was involving her and her DH in the convo only to be told sharply that she knew what a cornet is and not to be 'so bloody patronising'

I use this stock explaination as IME not many people know what a bloody cornet is FGS.

I carried on mingling and handing round the twigletts when I returned to the room she was in she started on at me again for being 'bloody patronising' so I made my apologies to the hosts, gathered up my family and made for the door. Whereupon said guest stopped me in the hallway and said 'off to play our cornet, are we' in such a sarcastic tone that even DP looked askance (he has zero social antennae lol)

I kind of brushed past with my 'social smile' resisiting the urge to take her by the ears and introduce her face to my knee [joke]

So.......... was I being unreasonable to leave party, leaving an awkward and upsetting encounter ?

I intend to ring the hosts in the morning to apolgise for early bath

christ alive, what a horrible woman, clearly she sees you as a vibrant, lively and fun person and wants to be seen that way herself so had to get rid of the cometition.

I would have been quite pleased to be told about your musical instrument. I really cannot see how that is patronising.

Freak!

Very rude woman. Don't think you were being partonising at all. I'm sure there's loads of people that don't know what a cornet is, I don't. If you'd have said that to me I would have thought you played an ice cream cone.

She sounds like a complete twat. I hope she did this in front of everyone, so everyone knows she is a complete twat.

You can bet your bottom dollar she is not a musician or music lover herself. Because if she was, before you'd finished the word "cornet" you would have seen her eyes light up and she'd either ask you 20questions or start telling you about her music stuff or both. Honestly, if you were at a party where you knew no-one, wouldn't you be thrilled to find someone to chat about music with? (Well, I would, and I'm not even THAT musical).

Ergo she is not a musician

and very likely had no clue what a cornet was

and just wanted to pick a fight with someone

Were you wearing a similar outfit to hers?

You looked better in it, there's your answer.

"this is my son - really just a small type of man' kind of thing"

LOLOLOL
oh dear Boys how unpleasant
I think you dealt with it v graciously - I would have locked myself in the toilet and cried and Made a Big Scene or something
top marks to you

And my reply to your explaination would have been "Yes yes yes I know, do you play in a band? Did you do that concert piece The Malvern Suite? Do you do New World Symphony? Do you do Young Amadeus? Have you got those red Sally Army hym books? Did you sit grades? Do you play any other brass?"

I would bore your arse off.

I know why she was so aggressive.

She has a twin sister who has always had great acclaim for being a fabulous cornet player. Cornet playing was a valued skill in her family, and her own special skill with a cross stitch needle was rather overlooked.

I know what a cornet is because I'm a brass player too and used to be in a brass band. Not for a second would I have thought you were patronising for explaining it! That makes me think she does have some kind of chip on her shoulder abou her intelligence/knowledge, if not an actual cornet-related past trauma.

Sounds as if you were great in the circumstances - all that remains to be done is for you to go round to her house, wait till she opens the door and play the cornet in her face.

Or even better - get a whole band on her doorstep, assembled from angry MN brass players.

ok it's not a cornet but strangely satisfying perhaps.

Ring up friend and find out if new neighbour is a loon.

here's a band for her doorstep

The MN Brass Ensemble.

I am second row back, third from the left.

I think maybe she was a contestant some time ago on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire". She was up to win half a million, and the question was "what's a cornet?". Instead of answering "like a small trumpet", she chose the answer "ceremonial headgear sometimes worn by the aristocracy". She lost all the money, and was the laughing stock of the studio audience.

I think under those circumstances her response may have been justified. However, can't really think of any other reasons why it would have been.

YANBU ar all and sorry you've had an upsetting encounter.

I've behaved bonkersly in the past - not often - in fact hardly at all - but it was always at time of high stress and stuff - she's obviously got things going on - excuse her. Oh and when you ring the hosts, be careful what you say about Upsetting Female. Nothing at all might be the right thing.

Maybe I'm just an unfeeling bag, but why does there always have to be an excuse for such vile behaviour?

A single angry outburst can be excused.

Pursuing someone to dig further smacks of someone I would not like to know.

She may not have had a lot going on, she may just be unpleasant. I know a couple of people like this - parents at dd's school - one of them has come out with some corkers!

You could have said 'My aren't you a freak - that's like a weirdo, an anomaly, bizarre and unnecessary person'.

I'm with you Sheik. And even if she's having a dreadful time she shouldn't be taking it out on a complete stranger.

In fact, I workl with someone like the woman described in the OP. I call her Vicious Vicky.

Here are some examples of her, erm, niceties.

To me "Oh, it must be wonderful to be like you and not to care what you look like."

To me after we heard that a colleague had been diagnosed with cancer (thankfully v treatable) "Well, I have had a really bad cold and I'm so tired, I kbnow how he feels"

To a colleague who lost his wife suddenly just before Christmas "Was her life insurance policy big?"

To me when I asked her to actually do some work, rather tyhen msning her mate "Don't tell me what to do, you aren't superior to ME" (whichj I am at work, actually)

She is HORRID.

Yes, she may have an awful life (which she doesn't, AFAIK) and yes, she may be insecure. But aren't we ALL insecure about something? But does insecurity give us carte blanche to treat people like shit?

what an ungracious woman!

When you are told something you already know, don't most people just let it ride?

Sounds like major inferiority complex!

quat - what's bonkersly

Def ring host & find out if this was par for the course for that woman.

As it seemed so spoiling for a fight, do you think it is possible (ask the host!) whether you were getting fall-out from a different, other incident earlier at the party? - where somebody had been purposely rude to her, or excluded her from a conversation, so that she was still seething? Or there is something going on in her life which is spilling out into beyond-inoffensive drinks do chit-chat? (And - this I really want to know - what did her husband do when she spoke to you like that?)

Has BALD phoned yet? I have had to post so I get this in my threads I'm on as I am keen to hear the outcome. [nosey emoticon]

me too, Sue

Same as SueW, I'm afraid!

You did the right thing imo. I had an experience a bit like - someone spoiling for a fight. I stayed and tried to avoid her, but it just got worse.

Hmm, yes. Patronising. That's when you Talk Down To Someone.

(just marking place in thread. Dh has just come in to find me lying on my sick bed in tears of laughter and is now Highly Suspicious of my illness)

OOOOH yes I rang, to apologise for early exit, what lovely food, boys had a great time then hostess said that the Awful Woman had had a go at just about everyone there, one by one

Nice

She won't get an invite back

She's been crossed off my Christmas Card List

So there

And I've had a good roffle at all your replies too