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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect not to be made to leave 6 year old dd in the car on her own by the police.

139 replies

islandofsodor · 05/07/2008 22:14

Dd had to be picked up from school early on Friday so as it was the first off the drive I took dh's car which I drive once in a blue moon.

Big mistake, his numer plate was not spaced correctly so I got pulled. It was on a dual carriageway with no hard shouler and I didn't feel I could safely stop so pulled off at the next junction which led onto a supermarket car park.

I got out of the car telling dd just to wait there a minute fully expecting to be booked for the numberplate.

The policeman started to have a go at me accusing me of failing to stop of a police office. I was terrified at this point and just kept repeating calmly, I'm sorry I was just trying to find a safe place to pull up I really was. Anyway he told me to get into the back of his car.

I indicated to dd and started to say I've got my little girl in there can I just get ....but her stopped me short and said he (his colleague who had got out and was running a reg check on his radio) can see her, you get in the back so I did. Anyway he started to take me through the process, fair enough, checking my details, was it my car, was I insured etc etc. I glanced up and dd was sobbing her little heart out crying Mummy, Mummy. They asked me her name and one of them went to talk to her but she sobbed louder so he eventually opened the car doo, lifeted her out and put her in the back of the police car with me.

I managed to calm her down whilst trying to take in the details of the booking and desperately trying to keep calm so it would just be a numberplate offense rather than failing to stop.

He started to explain about the reason it was an offense and an automatic vehicle tracking thing they have for stolen vehicles, dd was listening intently and he said "if your car was stolen with your little girl in it we wouldn't be able to find it" Couldn't he have just said stolen rather than scaring dd even more.

I was shaking by the end of it all, I know they have a job to do but it just seemed so insensitive to a little girl who thought her mummy was being taken away.

OP posts:

unfitmother · 05/07/2008 22:18

Twats!

LuckySalem · 05/07/2008 22:18

It does seem abit mean. I'd have thought they would have either dealt with you at the roadside (not in back of police car) or brought your DD with you. I hope she's ok.

Rachmumoftwo · 05/07/2008 22:18

How awful. I always thought you were within your rights not to pull over if you thought it was unsafe. I would complain about your treatment, tbh. It must have been very upsetting for you both.

themoon66 · 05/07/2008 22:19

They were blokes. Blokes don't think the same. I think it's as simple as that.

Poor you though. I would have been hysterical. Well done for holding it together.

Bowddee · 05/07/2008 22:19

OMG. Make an official complaint.

colditz · 05/07/2008 22:20

Put a complaint in.

MmeLindt · 05/07/2008 22:21

That was dealt with very badly. Are you going to put in a complaint?

Your poor DD, hope she is ok.

It is not going to give her much faith in the friendly police force who keep us safe, is it?

Original poster

islandofsodor · 05/07/2008 22:22

My Dad has a friend who works for the 999 call centre and who used to be in the Specials. She has given him a phone number for complaints. Part of me wants to just forget it all though and I'm afraid of being targeted if I complain.

OP posts:

admylin · 05/07/2008 22:22

your poor dd, you should complain.

Blondilocks · 05/07/2008 22:24

I also thought you could carry on and stop at a safe place.

windygalestoday · 05/07/2008 22:25

they maybe hadnt seen you had your dd in the car with you initially.

As harsh as it my seem your number plate was wrong then you didnt stop when they requested it so i suppose they treated you as they would any other law breaker just becuse your dd was in the car doesnt mean you should have preferential treatment,at 6 years old she is old enough to understand mummy is going to chat to the policeman you can see me from the window i will be just a few minutes.

I think this has all blown out of proportion and escalated.

TBH they were only doing their job you were wrong so i think you are being unreasonable.

mum2jakeyroo · 05/07/2008 22:26

About 3 years ago when ds1 was a few months old and teething and had been crying non stop for ages so dp took him out in the car th try and settle him. He got pulled by the police for looking suspicious driving round. They asked him to get into the police car while they did normal checks but dp refused saying he was not leaving baby. One got funny but then the other one had sympathy when he explained why he was driving round and said they would deal with it at the car. In the end they were ok but they don't think do they? Hope you and your dd are ok now.

Olihan · 05/07/2008 22:27

YANBU. Complain, definitely, about all of it, everything you've written in your OP. That's awful behaviour on their part.

hatwoman · 05/07/2008 22:27

not on at all. must have been really scarey for your dd. from her perspective she probably thought they were going to drive you away (why else get in a car?). I really would follow this up.

colditz · 05/07/2008 22:29

It's not their job to frighten a six year old, which they managed to do quite unnecessarily.

I am a staunch supporter of the police, which is why I think they should be reported when they cock it up. We have the best police force in the world - let's keep it that way.

StressTeddy · 05/07/2008 22:31

Oh darling please complain - even though that may be hard

This should not have happened in this way

they have a very hard job to do but there is no excuse for this

Hope you have a good night tonight. Love to your dd too

fymandbean · 05/07/2008 22:31

this may go against opinion but if the police tell you to stop you stop. Their opinion of what is safe overrides yours - they could be stopping you for all sorts of reasons like flat tyre or anything - you can't just keep going because you think it's safer...

The rest of the treatment was probably because you failed to stop.

...oh and you were committing an offence with the numberplate and you failed to stop immediately - I don't think a complaint will get you anywhere.

hatwoman · 05/07/2008 22:34

I agree with you fymandbean on the stopping thing - as I understand it failing to stop is taken very seriously. but that doesn;t do away with her 6 year old's right not to have been put in that situation, nor OP's right to complain

Original poster

islandofsodor · 05/07/2008 22:35

I'm not wanting to comp,ain about being asked to stop (though how you can stop anywhere on a dual carriageway with traffic flying around at 60mph I don't know.

I'm complaining about the fact they scared dd witless first by not allowing me to get her out of the car and secondly by telling me with her listening her that my car might get stolen with her inside it.

OP posts:

Heated · 05/07/2008 22:36

Your car isn't red is it?

Original poster

islandofsodor · 05/07/2008 22:38

No, it's blue. Why?????????

OP posts:

fymandbean · 05/07/2008 22:42

by all means complain - I just don't think it'll get taken seriously as the police version of events is tried to stop car committing an offence, refused to stop for some distance. I think you're lucky you weren't arrested!

They probably wanted to give you a good talking to, thought it better for your DD not to hear it probably cos they wanted to tell you the bit about the car being stolen with her in it IYSWIM.

windygalestoday · 05/07/2008 22:42

islndofsodor i dont see how the police upset her tbh ...she was sat in the car all you needed to sy was im just going to tell the policeman something i will be back in a minute - why did she get so upset??

MmeLindt · 05/07/2008 22:42

windygalestoday
I have a 6yo DD and while she would understand that mummy is just going to have a chat with the policeman, she would be very frightened. As I understood the OP, she was not given the chance to explain to her DD what was happening.

Original poster

islandofsodor · 05/07/2008 22:43

She got upset becasue she is 6 and I didn't just talk to the policeman I was made to get in the back of the police car. To her mind they were taking me away.

OP posts:

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