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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect not to be made to leave 6 year old dd in the car on her own by the police.

139 replies

islandofsodor · 05/07/2008 22:14

Dd had to be picked up from school early on Friday so as it was the first off the drive I took dh's car which I drive once in a blue moon.

Big mistake, his numer plate was not spaced correctly so I got pulled. It was on a dual carriageway with no hard shouler and I didn't feel I could safely stop so pulled off at the next junction which led onto a supermarket car park.

I got out of the car telling dd just to wait there a minute fully expecting to be booked for the numberplate.

The policeman started to have a go at me accusing me of failing to stop of a police office. I was terrified at this point and just kept repeating calmly, I'm sorry I was just trying to find a safe place to pull up I really was. Anyway he told me to get into the back of his car.

I indicated to dd and started to say I've got my little girl in there can I just get ....but her stopped me short and said he (his colleague who had got out and was running a reg check on his radio) can see her, you get in the back so I did. Anyway he started to take me through the process, fair enough, checking my details, was it my car, was I insured etc etc. I glanced up and dd was sobbing her little heart out crying Mummy, Mummy. They asked me her name and one of them went to talk to her but she sobbed louder so he eventually opened the car doo, lifeted her out and put her in the back of the police car with me.

I managed to calm her down whilst trying to take in the details of the booking and desperately trying to keep calm so it would just be a numberplate offense rather than failing to stop.

He started to explain about the reason it was an offense and an automatic vehicle tracking thing they have for stolen vehicles, dd was listening intently and he said "if your car was stolen with your little girl in it we wouldn't be able to find it" Couldn't he have just said stolen rather than scaring dd even more.

I was shaking by the end of it all, I know they have a job to do but it just seemed so insensitive to a little girl who thought her mummy was being taken away.

OP posts:

Heated · 05/07/2008 22:44

Car snooker.

Could understand police pulling you on a dual carriageway with no hard shoulder for a serious driving violation, but not because of an incorrect no. plate; hardly worth the road hazard or the traffic jam.

windygalestoday · 05/07/2008 22:44

didnt she know when the police indicated for her to pull over that she was going to be speaking to them ??

Original poster

islandofsodor · 05/07/2008 22:45

I wanted to go bacl to the car and explain that I just needed to talk with him in his car or to get her out and take her with me but I was not allowed to.

OP posts:

KatieDD · 05/07/2008 22:45

Why did you not take DD with you when you first got out of the car ? I would have taken all of mine with me in the first place, I think they were insensitive though.

windygalestoday · 05/07/2008 22:48

i dont see how it came to the your dd thinking they were taking you way i really dont ....she knows you and in the time it took you to stop you should have reassured her it was ok ...this is only my opinion you understand im not digging at your prenting i just cant understand why child would be scared of the police if she hadnt had reason to already be .......my mum ws frequently in trouble with the police and i was petrified of them (with good reason) but my sons are in no way afraid of the police.

Original poster

islandofsodor · 05/07/2008 22:48

I felt that I ought to speak with him first roadside, I didn't know that I would have to get in the back of his car.

OP posts:

Ivegotaheadache · 05/07/2008 22:49

What was wrong with your number plate? I recently got a new number plate made up as the old one cracked, and I would certainly expect it to be up to standard and legal, and not get stopped by the police because of it!

Rosesroundthedoor · 05/07/2008 22:49

Possibly the police thought that as you obviously care about your DD, you would take more notice of a scenario involving your daughter. They are probably right in this. Their priority is to keep people safe and take their advice.

In a different scenario, if there was a criminal with a child they would not avoid "upsetting" the child at the expense of losing the criminal, as it were. That is how they have been trained.

As for not letting you go back to the car for your DD, there again, how many people do you think may have just got in the car and driven off!? It is part of the training. People do and have used their DCs as an excuse for all sorts of things. The police are used to this, you are not.

I can understand that you have had a shock as has your DD, but I don't think they have actually acted wrongly.

Original poster

islandofsodor · 05/07/2008 22:51

Think of it from the point of view of a very sensitive 6 year old. I said to her, just wait there a minute, I'm just going to speak to them. She then sees me being made to get in the back of the car whilst she is left on her own in the car.

She's 6 with a very vivid imagination, she can't even watch Disney films without freaking. Suppose she had been an SN child, she's not but the mother of an SN child would have been given no chance to explain.

OP posts:

KatieDD · 05/07/2008 22:53

I wouldn't have left her even to talk to them roadside what if somebody had hit your car, never leave them unattended even for a moment because what would you have done if they had arrested you and made you leave her with the colleague whilst they waited for another car to collect the child, I have seen that happen.
Hind sight is a wonderful thing though.

Original poster

islandofsodor · 05/07/2008 22:55

I had to get out of the car anyway to get her out. She was strapped into a child seat in the rear of the car. By which time he had ordered me to get in his car.

OP posts:

windygalestoday · 05/07/2008 22:55

and so knowing that you got out of the car and left her????

you were wrong you had illegal plates on and you didnt stop when indicated thats it the police cant be expected to treat you any differently to any other wrong doer.

im sorry its harsh im sorry your dd got upset but i think the police mostly do a dmn fine job and tbh they were right imo.

Original poster

islandofsodor · 05/07/2008 22:56

and so knowing that you got out of the car and left her????

Dammed if I do and dammed if I don't.

So I should have got into even more trouble by not speaking to them.

OP posts:

windygalestoday · 05/07/2008 22:57

you can lean over undo the straps from the front in fact most 6 year olds can do it themselves -any way isnt she on a booster seat thing??? you should show her how to undo her belt in case of an emergency at 6 he is old enough to do it when required imo.

Rosesroundthedoor · 05/07/2008 22:58

I know, and I see your point but the police can't go about their daily business being concerned that a child may be upset for five minutes whilst they are dealing with its parent as a matter of necessity. They had a genuine reason to stop your car. They also had a genuine reason to question you for not stopping when they indicated, which is an offence. They don't know (and haven't got the time to know) if your DD is very sensitive or not. Even if she was somewhat upset, she was SAFE. She could be seen at all times and a policeman was walking round the car.

windygalestoday · 05/07/2008 22:58

no island im not having a go at you im just giving my opinion and in this ce i think your behaviour excberted the situation.

Original poster

islandofsodor · 05/07/2008 22:58

OK, I accept IWBU.

I don;lt think you ever know how you are going to react when you are inthis situation. I panicked, I'm a careful driver and didn't feel safe stopping on the dual carriageway.

I was doing my best to do the right thing but obviusly I failed.

I am NEVER EVER driving dh's car ever again no matter what.

OP posts:

Original poster

islandofsodor · 05/07/2008 22:59

She is not in a booster seat it is a full backed seat, safer than a booster.

OP posts:

KatieDD · 05/07/2008 23:00

You wouldn't have been in more trouble if you had calmly said I am just taking my daughter from the back seat, this isn't Miami they wouldn't have flung you on the bonnet.
The police are generally very responsive to polite, calm behaviour. And it would not have been unreasonable to before even opening your car door to say to a 6 year old undo the belt we're going to talk to that policeman.
You'll know for next time, or sort that number plate.

Original poster

islandofsodor · 05/07/2008 23:01

I just feel so bad for being the cause of her getting upset. In fact I don;t think I'm ever going to drive the kids again. I'm, not fit.

Got to go now, sorry. Can't typwe anymore

OP posts:

windygalestoday · 05/07/2008 23:01

id make him pay the fine and treat you and dd too- is she ok now? seriously you should encourage her to trust the police and be able to undo her seatbelt in an emergency.

i understnd what you say about trying to do the right thing too.

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 05/07/2008 23:02

IoS - there was fatal RTA on that stretch (if you were where I think) on Thursday night. That's possibly why they were a bit over eager about the not stopping sooner (and maybe why Heated asked about a red car).

EyeballsintheSky · 05/07/2008 23:03

You are allowed to drive to a safe place, provided that you indicate that you are going to stop. I was told that by a policeman. They can't honestly expect you to stop in the middle of a dual carriageway.

unknownrebelbang · 05/07/2008 23:03

They are not twats. They're doing their job, and they (maybe) made a mistake.

I can understand you being upset on your daughter's behalf, and being scared yourself.

I got pulled over on a dual carriageway when I had DS2 + DS3 in the car, as DS2 climbed out of his (fastened) carseat, rolled the window down and waved to the car behind, which just happened to be a police car.

I was shaking...first thing when I got home was burst into tears at ring DH - at the police station.

(It wasn't DH though Islands, honest).

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 05/07/2008 23:04

Please don't be upset.

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