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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect not to be made to leave 6 year old dd in the car on her own by the police.

139 replies

islandofsodor · 05/07/2008 22:14

Dd had to be picked up from school early on Friday so as it was the first off the drive I took dh's car which I drive once in a blue moon.

Big mistake, his numer plate was not spaced correctly so I got pulled. It was on a dual carriageway with no hard shouler and I didn't feel I could safely stop so pulled off at the next junction which led onto a supermarket car park.

I got out of the car telling dd just to wait there a minute fully expecting to be booked for the numberplate.

The policeman started to have a go at me accusing me of failing to stop of a police office. I was terrified at this point and just kept repeating calmly, I'm sorry I was just trying to find a safe place to pull up I really was. Anyway he told me to get into the back of his car.

I indicated to dd and started to say I've got my little girl in there can I just get ....but her stopped me short and said he (his colleague who had got out and was running a reg check on his radio) can see her, you get in the back so I did. Anyway he started to take me through the process, fair enough, checking my details, was it my car, was I insured etc etc. I glanced up and dd was sobbing her little heart out crying Mummy, Mummy. They asked me her name and one of them went to talk to her but she sobbed louder so he eventually opened the car doo, lifeted her out and put her in the back of the police car with me.

I managed to calm her down whilst trying to take in the details of the booking and desperately trying to keep calm so it would just be a numberplate offense rather than failing to stop.

He started to explain about the reason it was an offense and an automatic vehicle tracking thing they have for stolen vehicles, dd was listening intently and he said "if your car was stolen with your little girl in it we wouldn't be able to find it" Couldn't he have just said stolen rather than scaring dd even more.

I was shaking by the end of it all, I know they have a job to do but it just seemed so insensitive to a little girl who thought her mummy was being taken away.

OP posts:
NormaStanleyFletcher · 05/07/2008 23:04

Islandofsodor - you poor love. It sounds horrid.

You did right apart from stopping as soon as they buzzed you - once they do that they stop behind you so your car is safe.

It really sounds like they were insensitive to the needs of a young child. I have met much nicer ones who have offered (at a breakdown) to let my children sit in the back of their car when it was cold outside.

M

UnquietDad · 05/07/2008 23:06

can we get away from the "blokes" rubbish. The police officer was insensitive. That is the issue here, not a spurious gender war. Thank you.

Original poster
islandofsodor · 05/07/2008 23:06

Got to stay here a whilelonger cause I can't go back in the living room. Dh willwant to know what's up.

OP posts:
Rosesroundthedoor · 05/07/2008 23:07

Course you're fit to drive, it's just that daft numberplate needs changing!!! You're just had a shock as has DD but jsut put it down to experience. If you were an old hand with being pulled over by the police, you would not have batted an eyelid so the fact you have for what is a minor offence (and not your numberplate choice) shows you are a decent driver who has nothing to do with the cops usually which sounds pretty fit to drive to me!

What is it anyway, has your hubby arranged it so it spells something out? Boys and their toys hey...

MmeLindt · 05/07/2008 23:09

Islands,
I don't think that you are being unreasonable. There is no way I would stop on a dual carriageway.

FGS They pulled you over because your numberplate was not ok. You weren't weaving about all over the road steaming drunk. I assume that you were polite and reasonably calm when they talked to you. You do not sound like a hardenend criminal that they had to be so cautious as to not let you back in the car.

My DD is also very imaginative and would be very upset if that happened to her.

UnquietDad · 05/07/2008 23:11

As I non-driver, I always feel the police love pulling people up for minor traffic offences because it gets their solved crime rate up. Easy to detect, charge and complete.

Original poster
islandofsodor · 05/07/2008 23:12

Ok, I've calmed down now at least I've stopped crying. I did genuinely want opinions I wouln't have posted on AIBU otherwise. I just didn't expect to get this emotional about it. I'm normally very very good at staying calm and outwardly composed.

saggar, it was between Basford and Asda towards Porthill.

OP posts:
themoon66 · 05/07/2008 23:13

UQD... I didn't mean to trigger a 'gender war' Sorry. Honest.

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 05/07/2008 23:15

Think Thurday night's accident was between Asda and Porthill roundabout - dh was on duty - not pretty apparently. They arrested two people late yesterday in connection with it; think they were racing and one car left the road.

UnquietDad · 05/07/2008 23:17

moon - sorry if that was an overreaction but there was nothing in the OP to suggest the policeman being male had anything to do with it. he was just an insensitive twat. You get insensitive tweats of both genders.

Original poster
islandofsodor · 05/07/2008 23:18

It's a fast road, some people drive like madmen. Is it 70 at that stretch? I never usually do above 60.

OP posts:
unknownrebelbang · 05/07/2008 23:20

Whilst you may be right UD, pulling over car drivers for seemingly minor traffic offences can also uncover some quite serious crime.

And as Saggars as already stated, there was a double fatal car crash on that road on Thursday night (well, we're both individually making assumptions, but it sounds like it could be) so it's not beyond belief that they may be stopping any vehicle which may be iffy for whatever reason.

littlelapin · 05/07/2008 23:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 05/07/2008 23:29

I sympathise, and I think the police were a bit harsh.

I once got flagged by an unmarked police car (blue light suddenly in window) while driving on a very quiet b-road in the middle of the night. I panicked and didn't stop, as I had no way of knowing if they really WERE the police, and I would then have been in an extremely vulnerable situation. I slowed down, so they could see I wasn't trying to get away, but didn't stop until I came to a village with houses, and they were fine when I explained to them why. All that upset over a numberplate sounds a bit extreme- surely it wasn't necessary for you to be in the back of the police car? My friend's mum was pulled for running a red light, and they spoke to her in her own car, as she had my friend and I with her (we were about 10). Unless you DH's car has been involved in something far more dodgy that they know about, I think they were OTT.

But then, my experience of the police is not great- they've seemed to me on several occasions to like throwing their weight about a bit when they meet what they think is a soft target.

Original poster
islandofsodor · 05/07/2008 23:33

Saggars can you ask your dh if it is standard procedure to make a parent leave their child in the car for minor motoring offences?

If it is, then it is and that is that I guess.

OP posts:
Heated · 05/07/2008 23:35

May well be safer.

Original poster
islandofsodor · 05/07/2008 23:36

If the
police flash the blue lights and headlights on their car
for you to stop, you must do so at the next safe place.

I got this from a booklet intended for foreign nationals. I guess I'm just a more cautious driver in my definition of safe than they are.

OP posts:
janeashersbookofspacecakes · 05/07/2008 23:39

I'm sorry you've been upset like this. I hope you're able to take it further.

unknownrebelbang · 06/07/2008 00:53

Saggars' DH wouldn't be able to help Islands. Mine, however, has just popped home to get changed (he's been rolling round in the mud ), so I quickly summarised the situation and he said yes, this would be fairly normal.

His comment - when you pull a car over, you really don't know who you're pulling over until you do the checks, etc etc. He understands that your child was upset, but says she was safe and in full view etc etc.

FWIW, I really do understand how upset you must be (see my post below - and my boys weren't crying, it was just me!)

Greensleeves · 06/07/2008 01:15

I agree with UnquietDad about the traffic crimes being easy pickings, the fucking roads are awash with ignorant donut-munching keystone cops harassing motorists for whatever stupid little detail they can find

not that I don't deplore UD's ornery prickliness and tendency to home in on any whiff of anti-macho-crap sentiment like a tramp to a kipper

Greensleeves · 06/07/2008 01:16

And lol at "tweats", remind me to use that in conversation

Tortington · 06/07/2008 01:48

i can fully symathise with the stuttering shock and complete adherence to everything tha the police man in muchio authortarian role i this doesn't happen often.

much sympathies for yor shitty day.

next time you will know that they are justpeople. and they don't rule the world. tell them "no"

LittleBella · 06/07/2008 07:15

Hmm, you can complain and it would be within your rights to do so, but you won't get any joy. They'll just go on about your number plate and failing to stop, thye won't actually address your argument that it wasn't safe to stop (and a dual carriageway isn't a safe place to stop, whatever a young man in a uniform thinks).

2point4kids · 06/07/2008 07:58

Not sure if you are being unreasonable or not. You probably wouldnt get anywhere if you did complain so I wouldnt put yourself through the upset tbh.

I was told by a police man that if you are asked to pull over by a police car and you dont think its safe to do so or the car is unmarked then you do not have to pull over, but you should call 999 and tell them what you are doing and confirm its a poliuce car (if thats why you arent stopping) so that you remain within the law.

It sounds like a horrible experience and a very insensitive police man.
Hope you feel better today.

traceybath · 06/07/2008 08:08

May be worth speaking to your daughter generally about policemen/women. With my children i'm making a big effort to emphasise that policemen are there to help and you can always go to them in trouble.

Not really going on about the taking people away to jail aspect.

Does sound upsetting though and hope you all feel better this morning.