to think that allowing a six year old to suck her mothers breasts when she has NOT been breast feeding for years is wrong?

[toffetwist]

I have a friend. Who recently told me that she lets her 6 year old child suck her breasts. She is not breast feeding her and has not for years.

I am disturbed. Am I right to be? What do I do?

what on earth have the "professionals" advised you to do [shocked]

If my 6yo asked to suckle, having not been breastfed for many years, then of course I would say no. I do not know of any mums in RL who would find this scenario normal.

There are many ways of comforting a 6 year old. You do not need to suckle them at the breast.

How do you know that the daughter has not been breastfeeding the whole time?
Your friend may have been embarrassed by extended breastfeeding and not told you about it.
How do you actually know the whole story?

What on earth have you been advised to do? Obviously you are not a very good friend as it surely would have been more appropriate to have a frank discussion about this with your friend before taking further action.

Please, please do not tell me that you have reported her to SS.

Most SS are not very understanding of extended (natural term) bf-ing and will almost certainly remove the child while her mother is investigated. If you have reported her to SS, and if you feel that you can live with the consequences then dandy. If not, you'd better withdraw those allegations sharpish.

FWIW, a lot of people thought (and still do think, in my case) that you are a troll because of the nature of your post. We have had several sickos on here who claim to want information on breastfeeding older children, or on dressing them.

I will be reporting you to MNHQ, they will know if you really are a namechanger or not. I am extremely disturbed by the direction this thread has taken.

Sorry but how EXACTLY did the child 'admit' this?

I can't imagine what sort of conversation that was, or how you arrived at that particular topic.

FWIW my 2 year old and 5 year old often pretend to be babies when we are bathing together and snuggle and kiss my breasts and say 'milk mummy milk!'

Admittedly I normally say 'oi gerrof' but still

I shall expect SS round my place pronto

I don't see how you arrived at the conclusion that a majority of people agree with you, btw.

My first instinct is to agree with nappyaddict and louii

Do you not think that it is possible that your friend is still breastfeeding her 6 yo but is too embarrassed to admit it in a society that isn't exactly pro-extended breastfeeding?

My 8 yo doesn't suck any more, but does play "jelly on the plate". He also rests his head on them when having a cuddle sometimes. I don't think there is anything wrong with a 6 yo having a suck, but it probably is unusual, esp for a child who's been weaned for some time.

Greenelizabeth - I completely understand and support your saying No to your child. Your body, your decision.

In a similar situation I did let my 2 yo suck when she had seen the new baby do it. The experience was momentary as she had forgotten how to latch on, so I was glad I had allowed it. But I'd like to think I had a free choice as to whether to do so.

I'd be interested to know who you've spoken to (can't be SS over the weekend, unless you spoke to Duty which is a complete waste of resources ) and what the response was. I know my own Mum is a little about me nursing into my pregnancy and is worried about me nursing a baby and a toddler, I don't think she'd rush to report me to her boss, but I'm certain she's not comfortable with it.

I know that I got to a certain point with Tink that I did start to feel like I had regained my body. I wasn't in pain anymore and I didn't leak. Maybe at this point some mums will start saying they've given up and are enjoying having their body back, being able to drink properly etc? It was around then I think I was happier letting her go away to her grandparents at weekends or going out because I knew there wouldn't be the same consequences as before.

you are all weird - it's gross - get over it

OP says she's sought advice "from professional channels" - I certainly hope she means advice, and not that she's reported her friend, in which case, I'm utterly appalled.

"To clarify. I have not used my usual ID for obvious reasons. "
What obvious reasons?

Are you also aware that "professional channels" are quite likely to have political (with a small p) motivations and agendas? By which I mean, a 'professional' HV will have a very different idea of this situation from a 'professional' Breastfeeding counsellor.

And as UD says, SS are not known for being supportive of natural term bf.

Do hope you've done the right thing, OP.

Lets hope the advice was "keep your sneck out and don't bother us again"...

I bet she called in the US Marshalls.

What if a father let his child suck on his non-lactating (obviously) nipples, for comfort comfort?

But that's a rubbish comparison, Swedes. If the child had, since birth, latched onto their father's nipples for comfort, and had then specifically asked (or never stopped) to start again then it might be different.

There have been a few cases recently (although not in this country) where fathers have nursed their children after their wives have died and there's been no-one else to feed the baby.

We need to move away from this notion that breasts are purely sexual. It objectifies women and does us all a disservice. If you look at breasts as purely sexual then of course there's a problem with what the OP's friend is doing. But if you look at breasts as a source of nourishment and comfort for a child, then it looks somewhat different.

But I suspect the troll OP won't be back, as "she" has got what she wanted. Whatever that was.

so whats happened?

It's not a rubbish comparison at all. Like you say a man nursed his baby after his wife had died. Why can't a man comfort a baby with his nipple - if it's OK for the non-lactating mother, why not the father as well? In fact why not tell the teenage babysitter, male or female, that if the six year old wakes-up, please settle him back down by offering your nipple.

I think the OP highlights some very odd family dynamics.

men can make milk??????

Male and female bodies are the same everywhere execpt the reproductive organs, so in the right circumstances they're perfectly capable of breastfeeding.

I know several women who have bf their 4 year olds. All of these children are very attached to their mum's breasts now. One of them came around with her 7 year old son the other day. Half way through the evening he walked up to her, rested his head on her shoulder and dreamily started to stroke her breast. Happy to say she didn't flick him off but gave him a lovely cuddle, before sending him back to play.

I think most people really don't understand the normal intimacy involved in the natural term breastfeeding relationship. I had to wean my 3 year old in January because I was ill. Six months on he's still wanting to suck on my breasts, stroke them and rest his head on them. It's only the fear that I'll be judged by other people that makes me feel I have to discourage him, and that makes me feel so sad. If it wasn't for that I'd let him because I think that behaviour is natural to him and not in any way sexual or 'nasty'.

I honestly think it's normal for long term bf children to be very, very attached to their mums breasts and to see them as the ultimate comfort. As a society we're just very messed up about this whole subject - we're so used to babies being prematurely weaned that we think women who are feeding 2 and 3 year olds are 'odd', let alone people with older children who still have a very close relationship with their mother's breasts.

It is a rubbish comparison swedes, because my children would derive mostly discomfort from sucking on my DH's very hair nipples

Blimey what a thread!
Some women are very weird in their strong/violent/aggressive reactions around breastfeeding.
I was pretty pleased that i do not give a flying toss what other mother think of how I parent ( because it usually is mothers) but now I am even more determined to try and not discuss any aspect of parenting with 'friends'.
My DD breastfed until she was three. She is now 5. the whole activity for her was very warm and comforting. She regularly laughs in the morning and asks for a feed. It is in a kind of 'oh come on mum'way.
I think it is just a sort of nostaligia for that totally focussed and uninterupted attention. Now when we have a hug in the morning I am trying to drink my coffee, her big brother is asking for something and the dog is usually fighting for attention too.

It wouldn't occur to me to say yes. Not at all. And that is the reaction I think of most people.
But I am not stressed and lonely and she is not stressed and lonely.
I still think it is an inadviasable way to comfort her child but I am really at the people who make the leap to sexual contact.

But at least I know know that if ever I were desperate enough to try and find some special contact for her to supprt and comfort her there would be a whole tranch of my peers quick enough to think I was getting my rocks off.

I don't believe you I cannot think that a child would return to bf after 4 years. It would be a strange thing to do, alien and I don't think a child would return to finding comfrt in something that she had not used for so long.
Either you're lying or your friend has fed all along or she's disgusting and needs reporting.

um
my child asks to breastfeed after nearly three years.It is not alien to her . She has not fed all along.
I am not lying. So OP may not be.

But as i don't feed her presumeably I am not disgusting. Thats a relief

Pag, has she got younger siblings?
I just don't believe that a child who didn't see their own mother feeding for 4 years since the age of two would even think to feed.
To return when your nipples are all changed is vile, I can't see why anyone would.
Why didn't you feed?