to think that allowing a six year old to suck her mothers breasts when she has NOT been breast feeding for years is wrong?

[toffetwist]

I have a friend. Who recently told me that she lets her 6 year old child suck her breasts. She is not breast feeding her and has not for years.

I am disturbed. Am I right to be? What do I do?

[OonaghBhuna]

The child is obviously regressing due to the traumatic events within her family. I just feel there are so many other ways this child can be comforted, I would worry about the child becoming confused and distressed when the breast is eventually taken away for good.

[jubbie]

A lot of people have seem to have jumped to conclusions here, who has said anything about SS?

[georgiemama]

the child is going through her parents divorcing. Do you have any idea how distressing that is? I was twelve and started sleeping in my mother's bed every night, I could not sleep without her. I suppose you think that is sexual too.

It sounds like they have enough problems without people like you getting the SS involved. Butt out.

[onebatmother]

No, I wouldn't encourage it either. But if the child was asking persistently then I'd certainly consider it carefully.

[Elasticwoman]

Coted'Azur - thanks for putting me right on that. I didn't see the other thread before.

I also heard it said that if left to their own devices, children will self-wean anywhere between age 1 year and 7. But as so few children worldwide are bf after toddler age, it seems a difficult assertion to prove.

I remain unshocked by a 6 year old asking to breastfeed, although if the child were mine, admit I'd not be encouraging it.

[MmeBovary]

Did the OP ever reappear?

[shatteredmumsrus]

How very strange? Cant imagine why she would let her? It sounds odd and disturbing

[CoteDAzur]

Elasticwoman - That much touted world average breastfeeding age is WRONG, as discussed and debunked on this thread.

Here is the WHO Global Data Bank on Breastfeeding and Complementary Feeding.

Here are some average breastfeeding duration figures by countries:

Africa:
Algeria: 14 months
Angola: 25 months
Botswana: 19 months
Burundi: 24 months
Cameroon: 19 months
Congo: 19 months
Ivory Coast: 20 months
Congo: 9 months
Ethiopia: 25 months
Ghana: 22 months
Kenya: 21 months
Liberia: 17 months
Mozambique: 22 months
Namibia: 17 months
Uganda: 23 months
Zimbabwe: 19 months

American Region:
Belize: 6 months
Colombia: 16 months
Nicaragua: 18 months

Eastern Mediterranean:
Afghanistan: 17 months
Bahrain: 15 months

South East Asia:
Bangladesh: 25 months
India: 28 months
Indonesia: 24 months
Myanmar: 27 months
Nepal: 29 months
Sri Lanka: 23 months

Western Pacific Region:
Cambodia: 24 months
Fiji: 7 months
Lao: 16 months
Papua New Guinea: 21 months

I spent a bit of time on it and the maximum country average duration of breastfeeding I could find was Nepal with 29 months (population: 28 mn). Meanwhile China's average is 4 months (population: 1.4 billion).

So where are the countries that are supposed to pull global average towards 3 years, let alone 7 years???

[Elasticwoman]

The mean age worldwide of weaning from the breast is between 3 and 7 YEARS. It is therefore quite normal in some cultures for children older than what we regard as school age, to breastfeed. The child in the instance we are discussing may have been weaned a long time ago, but it doesn't make her behaviour unnatural - just against the norm for our culture.

[goldenpeach]

Well, I did a course as breastfeeding helper and I'm told by the midwife who trained me that if breasts are stimulated they will make milk. That's how some grandmothers can achieve breastfeeding if mother can't and that's how an adoptive mum managed to bf a small baby even if she was never pregnant. The only thing is that at some point the child loses the ability to suck, so not sure what happens with a six year old. Although I have heard of mothers bfeeding a school-age child. I would ring a breastfeeding counsellors. The NCT, Leche League and BF network have lines. Just google them.

[Twelvelegs]

No sorries allowed!! ps is there a plural of sorry??

[onebatmother]

yes I know TL, I was being silly, sorry.

[Twelvelegs]

You're question was 'Is that so?'.

[onebatmother]

But I like 'that is so.' Its like the Voice of God, rather, isn't it.

[onebatmother]

you're talking with great certainty there, Twelvelegs, about the many, many children in the world who are not your own.

[Twelvelegs]

Yes, that is so. No child would seriously ask for a dummy after 4 years and find it comforting unless, at a push, they are regressing and the parent is pretty useless in assisting a child adapt to a new sibling.
If my 6 year old asked for a dummy I would think I had failed him in some way that he had not moved on in finding other things to comfort him.

[onebatmother]

'i hear you'
someone give me a heads up

[onebatmother]

cote - i hear you re 'doesn't have to be repressive' - but you also suggest that there is something, at the very least, a bit suspect about not doing so - and we disagree on that.

TBH this is not something that I have hugely strong feelings about, since it is probably not a regular or common occurence. I'm arguing more with the assumptions that I see behind the Anti position, which I suspect would stand were the girl say, 3.

[onebatmother]

I wasn't breastfed, Karathrace, so I can't comment on that from a personal perspective.

But why a world of difference?

"no child would ask for a dummy after 4 years."
Is that so, Twelvelegs.

[nooka]

And I do think there is something about the mother's emotional state here. I know that when dh and I were going through very difficult times I did want to hold and love my children in a completely different way. Some of that was totally about having some intimacy and at times I did have to stop because I realised it was about my own needs, totally unsexual (I think just basic contact, and somebody loves me stuff), but probably still not the right thing to do.

[nooka]

My two didn't have dummies and stopped breastfeeding when they were truly babies, but we have had stressful times, in the last few years (dh and I seperated when they were 4 and 5) and if they had asked for something that they last found comforting many years ago, then I might say yes as a one off (but only to a very limited range of things - I certainly wouldn't go out and by a dummy for example), but after that I would say no, I am afraid. I wouldn't think it yukky, just inappropriate. Likewise a bottle. It's too far back, and I don't think it helpful to encourage children to be babies when they are stressed. There are other ways to comfort a child, and I think at 6 they centre around talking, and helping them to cope with their world. The other scenarios around extended breast feeding to a later date (so it's not so long ago), or offering because a younger sibling is nursing are in my view completely different.

[CoteDAzur]

No need to apologize onebatmother. I'm the one who misunderstood

I agree with most of what you said - a 'child's sexuality develops through their childhood', there is a 'potential link' between a 6 yr old sucking on mum's breasts and her 'developing sexuality', etc.

Where we differ is you are wary of 'repressing' the child's wish to return to sucking breasts or wearing nappies. And I say diverting child's attention to a more age-appropriate comforting tool does not have to be 'repressive'.

[colacubes]

What is thread about? bf, age, security, abuse, depends where you sit, but, IMO it is most probably about a child regressing, or about a mother regressing going back to a time when she felt safe and loved, not in the throws of a divorce.

[Karathraceandherspecialdestiny]

Onebat - Firstly let me just point out that there is a world of difference between a child of six (or any age) seeing his/her paretns naked, and sucking at his/her mother's breasts. Anyone who can't make that distinction is a little odd imho.

When the op spoke about bringing it up with the child's mother she intimated that the mother was embarrassed, thereby revealing that she knows it's not normal behaviour.

Call me an old prude but if I had a memory of sucking my mother's non-lactating breasts at the age of six, I would think a) why the hell was she letting me do that? b) why did I want to do it? I wouldn't be comfortable with the memory - can you honestly say you would be?

[theSuburbanDryad]

Oh yeah VS.

Oh well. That's still a while though, eh?