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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be deeply concerned about DD's friend, yet not know how to say something to her parents?

109 replies

eekamoose · 02/07/2008 22:28

Am not a judgey type, I hope. And a fairly relaxed parent. BUT ... DD's 7 year old friend is delivered to school by her father on his bicycle. She has a little saddle on the crossbar and rests her hands on the handlebars, so in effect she sits infront of her dad on his bike. They ride on reasonably quiet London streets. But neither the Dad or the DD wear a cycle helmet. I see this scenario every day and it just seems plain wrong to me. I like and admire DD's friend's parents very much ... I want to say something, but how? This has kept me awake worrying at night and I've even thought about putting an anonymous note through their front door!

WWYD?

OP posts:
Fimbo · 02/07/2008 22:30

There isn't anything you can do.

bethoo · 02/07/2008 22:31

sadly though you are put out by this i really do not think you should say anything as at the end of the day they raise their children the way they see fit. i am sure you would not like someone telling you how to treat/care for your child even if it was with good intentions. just hope that they do not have an accident. is it not illegal to have a passenger on the handle bars?

Hathled · 02/07/2008 22:32

Agree - they've made a judgement, for whatever reason, and you might not like it but you have to try to relax about it.

youcannotbeserious · 02/07/2008 22:32

Depends how well you know them - if it's something you can just raise with them - over coffee or at the school gates - then do, but if you would have to go out of you way to raise it, then I think you should leave it.

Given that the DD is riding with her father, not sure how raising it with her parents would help????????????????

PeaMcLean · 02/07/2008 22:33

does she sit side saddle or legs on each side? If the latter, is that so bad?

Original poster
eekamoose · 02/07/2008 22:33

So, don't do anything even if you think a little girl is at risk?

OP posts:
Zazette · 02/07/2008 22:35

Some people object to cycle helmets and have well-reasoned and substantiated arguments to support their views. I wear a helmet and so do my kids, but I can see their point (there have been threads about it on here in the past). You have to assume that they have made an informed decision and respect that, I think.

deste · 02/07/2008 22:35

Is it near her birthday, you could always buy her a helmet as a birthday present. At least it would be a little safer.

youcannotbeserious · 02/07/2008 22:35

But, I think you have to evaluate the risk (this isn't against the law, AFAIK) and the fact that she is with her father.

Am assuming her mother is aware.

You must see worse things in an average day?

Desiderata · 02/07/2008 22:35

Helmets are a very recent invention, eek.

No one had them when I was a kid, and it's none of your business, I'm afraid.

Original poster
eekamoose · 02/07/2008 22:36

Its just the not wearing a cycle helmet that really bothers me. It would cost them £15. Their household income is in the region of £100,000.

OP posts:
moopdaloop · 02/07/2008 22:36

you could be honest and say to the mother somethinglike I've always wondered why you don't use cycle helmets

bethoo · 02/07/2008 22:37

sadly it is her parents decision. her father obviously does not think it is a risk.
interesting fact though - people who wear helmets are more likely to have accidents as drivers presume they are pro/experienced or safer so tend to be less careful when encountering them whereas when they see people without helmets they give a wider birth. anyway that is what i read in the news a while back and i used to cycle with a helmet and was constantly getting the fear of god put into me by reckless drivers!

QuintessentialShadows · 02/07/2008 22:37

None of your business.

A friend is on the police bike squad. Her instructor told her that there was a lot of hype about helmets, but they are not making cycling any safer. The police has to wear them nevertheless, as there would be a big outcry if they werent.

My dh has read a study that says that the average car driver slows down MORE and take greater care if they see cyclists without helmets.

You would be wrong to interfere simply because YOU think you know better....

traceybath · 02/07/2008 22:38

Could you possibly have a word with the teacher and see if they could mention it. As in the school had noticed and were a little concerned?

Or if they're fairly relaxed perhaps they wouldn't mind if you said something casually.

Or buy her a nice helmet for her birthday. Sorry not much help but i would feel the same as you.

QuintessentialShadows · 02/07/2008 22:38

xpost bethoo!

bluenosesaint · 02/07/2008 22:39

My mate's dad used to pick her up from school every day on his bike when we were kids ...oh how i yearned for a go ...i would have sold my soul to the devil if it meant my dad would pick me up on his bike ...

nostaligic sigh<

Sorry not very helpful to the conversation that, was it?

sleepycat · 02/07/2008 22:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Love2bake · 02/07/2008 22:39

I think you should not be worrying about it TBH.

Leave them to do what they want.

MaryAnnSingleton · 02/07/2008 22:39

none of your business - silly and a bit irresponsible of them, but their decision

bethoo · 02/07/2008 22:40

but at least you had heard the same as me! [mile]

bethoo · 02/07/2008 22:40

but at least you had heard the same as me! [mile]

nkf · 02/07/2008 22:40

What are the objections to helmets? In this scenario, I would have said something by now. Not in a tut tutting sort of way but because I'm genuinely curious about why some people think they're vital and why some think they aren't necessayry.

harpomarx · 02/07/2008 22:40

I don't wear a cycle helmet and neither does my daughter. Is this now a MN crime, along with smoking?

they are riding on quiet London street, presumably he is not pelting along and is being careful?

sleepycat · 02/07/2008 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.