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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be deeply concerned about DD's friend, yet not know how to say something to her parents?

109 replies

eekamoose · 02/07/2008 22:28

Am not a judgey type, I hope. And a fairly relaxed parent. BUT ... DD's 7 year old friend is delivered to school by her father on his bicycle. She has a little saddle on the crossbar and rests her hands on the handlebars, so in effect she sits infront of her dad on his bike. They ride on reasonably quiet London streets. But neither the Dad or the DD wear a cycle helmet. I see this scenario every day and it just seems plain wrong to me. I like and admire DD's friend's parents very much ... I want to say something, but how? This has kept me awake worrying at night and I've even thought about putting an anonymous note through their front door!

WWYD?

OP posts:

Desiderata · 02/07/2008 22:40

And let's face it.

It's not a good look

ThursdayNext · 02/07/2008 22:41

I have read that car drivers are particularly likely to slow down for women cyclists and some women choose not to wear helmets to make their gender more obvious.

You could ask them why, if you can manage not to sound too outraged? Might be a well thought out reason, even if you don't agree with it.

Although it would make me cringe as well.

bethoo · 02/07/2008 22:42

i have one that looks sleek but it looks awful! certainly not a pulling factor!

Original poster

eekamoose · 02/07/2008 22:44

I know I would be wrong to interfere simply because I think I know better, thank you for that helpful comment.

I have not "interfered" or even made a comment. I am NOT judgey. I am concerned. If anything happened to that little girl I would be devastated, as would my DD, let alone her parents.

Oh well, perhaps best not to do anything then.

OP posts:

traceybath · 02/07/2008 22:45

Thats very interesting about people slowing down if not wearing helmets.

And my suggestion about speaking to the school - not a good idea in retrospect. Too sneaky.

frogs · 02/07/2008 22:45

There is a dad at my dc's school who rides one of those little folding bikes to school with the reception age child standing on the lower crossbar holding onto the handle bars, while wearing the younger child on his back in a back pack. None of them have helmets.

This is utterly bonkers, imo -- all backpacks say that they are unsuitable for cycling, and having the extra child on the front of the bar must destabilise it. I have a fat little 4yo in a proper child seat on the back, and you really notice the difference in the bike handling.

But it would never occur to me to say anything -- there's no law says they have to wear helmets, though I always do and so do my dc. It's their parenting call, not mine.

shubiedoo · 02/07/2008 22:46

Helmets are mandatory in Canada, it's the law. But if there's no law, what can you do really?

SueW · 02/07/2008 22:48

There's someone round here who takes a child to school in a similar way.

I think it looks rather nice and old-fashioned for the child to be having a 'croggy'.

QuintessentialShadows · 02/07/2008 22:49

You're welcome!

GivePeasAChance · 02/07/2008 22:50

'Croggy' - I am so pleased to hear that.

I live in Cheshire now but was brought up in Yorkshire and they look at me like I have lost it when I mention a 'croggy.

I will sleep well tonight

Ripeberry · 02/07/2008 22:50

I collect my DD2 from pre-school by bike when the weather is nice.
Its only 1 mile (up a hill mind you) but at least i get a nice coast down as my DD2 is over 2 stone in weight!
But although we wear helmets, some of the other mothers do pass us quite fast and near.
Which i find disgusting as they know who we are.
Lots of the kids stop to look at us and start asking their mums why they don't collect them by bike.
But then they do live further away and up bigger hills!

mrsfederer · 02/07/2008 22:51

eek, if you feel strongly (which is correct IME), then say something.

You can say it once only, in a friendly, enquiring way along the lines of "I see you don't use helmets, I'm curious as to why".

Don't push the point, is IS their decision, but at least if something awful happens, you will know you tried.

beaniesteve · 02/07/2008 22:53

Hmmmmm.... I think you are right to have some concerns, about the Helmet. I say that as a cyclist who thinks helmets should be worn by all. On the other hand if he is just mozeting to school with her very slowly rather than racing through busy streets then I think it's ok.

Whether you say anything depends perhaps upon your relationship with them and how itmight impact upon your daughter's friendship with this girl.

Does your daughter cycle? Perhaps you could get her a helmet if she doesn't already have one and start taking her to school on her bike so her friend will see that helmets are a good idea?

ivykaty44 · 02/07/2008 22:54

I dont wear a helmet, I dont have to wear a helmet on my bike and why should I?

Wearing a helmet actually isn't proved to save lives. In AU it has had a detrimental effect - 30% less people ride bikes.

In Nederlands cylist do not wear helmets - this country has more bikes and they are used more than any other country in EU.

The biggest danger is drivers - It is rare for a cyclist to fall fro a bike without a car or pedestrian involved, so the more people that cycle the more seperate cycle lanes built the less the problem and the op will be able to sleep at night - it has nothing to do with helmets but all to do with people getting on their bikes and leaving cars at home for trips under 3 miles each way.

Strangley the higher the petrol price the more bikes I see every morning riding the roads and pavemnets.

I don't want to see petrol prices rise, it isn't good. But it does show that actually when push comes to shove people will get out of thier car and cycle or walk if they can - there are those of course that are unable to do so for various good reasons.

chunkychips · 02/07/2008 22:55

i agree with suew.

controlfreakyagain · 02/07/2008 22:55

are you in n london eekamouse?
there is a dad who does just this at my dcs school and i always gve him a look of a type....

Original poster

eekamoose · 02/07/2008 23:00

Ivykaty - I don't wear a helmet on my bike and I choose not to. But I wouldn't want my little girl to ride a couple of miles every day on my crossbar without one. But hey perhaps I'm just a helicopter parent!

OP posts:

QuintessentialShadows · 02/07/2008 23:04

Can the dad actually see properly if the girl in front of him on the handle bars wears a helmet?

ivykaty44 · 02/07/2008 23:15

eekmouse - why the difference?

ivykaty44 · 02/07/2008 23:22

www.cycle-helmets.com/helmet_statistics.html

The link gives a few facts and figures - scroll down to the comparission of Australia and Nederlands.

It seems cycle helmets don't really do anything but cause trouble

cadelaide · 02/07/2008 23:30

Those crossbar seats are fab, much safer than the ones behind the saddle as the weight is more central therefore you have more control of the bike.

We cycle to school, I have 2yo on a seat behind me and DD rides her own bike. Sometimes I grab her collar and cycle one-handed, pushing her along. I know we get lots of disapproving looks but I feel very comfortable with it. If someone expressed concern I'd probably laugh at them.

DCs do wear helmets though, they're happy to wear them so I can't see any reason not to.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 02/07/2008 23:33

That's a really interesting article- thanks for that! My DH cycles a lot and our kids have bikes and I have been adamant that they must all have helmets, I actually did think it might be against the law- not sure why!! So interesting to know the stats!

I don't know about the OP. Personally, I wouldn't say anything. It sounds quite nice, although that is no doubt a silly nostalgic viewpoint!! I guess as long as they aren't hurtling along main roads they will be ok- we never used to wear helmets, and the one time we had a big accident (as kids) on our bikes it was shoulders, knees, faces and teeth that bore the brunt! (I distinctly remember flying over the handlebars and landing on my face- ouch!! I looked like I'd been beaten up!)

beaniesteve · 03/07/2008 07:42

I find all this stuff about not wearing helmets quite interesting. I'll have a read because I have always been in the 'wear a helmet' camp. Though I am guessing if I checked I could find as many reports and stats to prove helmets do save lives

belgo · 03/07/2008 07:45

You can't make them wear a cycle helmut.

Apparently cars drive closer to cyclists who are wearing helmuts but are more likely to keep their distance if they are not wearing helmuts. Don't have a reference though to back that up.

itati · 03/07/2008 08:00

I think everyone should wear a helmet on a bike and am a little confused whether it is law or not. As for a helmet not being a good look, neither is lying brain damaged in a hospital.

I would strike up a conversation saying how you have never seen a bike with a seat in front before and how does the father manage with the balance etc. Say you would be too worried to use one, especially without a helmet. See how they respond.

I would be quite happy to be judged all day long and have someone intefere if it meant my children were safer.

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