To end a relationship over weekend cocaine use?

[400N]

Posting for traffic here

I can’t decide if I have massively overreacted or if my gut instinct was right to end it over this
For context I have ADHD and find decision making really difficult - often changing my mind multiple times before making a final decision
I’ve been divorced 5 years and with DS now off to uni I began dating and all were terrible until this latest one
He is 55 so 10 years older than me, has his own flat ( rented as couldn’t afford a mortgage after his divorce ) and seems to be a great dad to his 2 kids although they are adults
We met the first evening for dinner and he was charming, paid for the meal and was lovely - he did seem quite loud and chatty but mentioned his kids both have ADHD so I thought maybe this was why
The second date was longer as we went for drinks after a meal and he suddenly starts sprinkling cocaine into a roll up cigarette as if this was completely normal behaviour
I made my excuses and left early although continued to talk and message before he asked why I was avoided meeting him again and I told him - he said it only happens when he drinks which I believed then as didn’t see any signs on date 1 and if he wanted to hide it altogether I thought he would have sniffed it rather than smoked it in front of me?
Anyway date 3 rolled around and we went to a film, all nice but he wanted to go for drinks after and I didn’t want the topic to come up so left early
Date 4 he booked a hotel - he started smoking it again after a few drinks at the bar and I found the sex really weird
It lasted a very very long time and all felt quite detached on his part
Weirdly straight after was very loving and close and he had bought me a beautiful necklace for my upcoming birthday which he gave to me early
He holds down a high powered job and works very long hours and says this is just his way of unwinding - for me cocaine is to get high and have a buzz?
Ive never taken drugs and don’t know if I’m considering ending a really good thing over a weekend habit or whether this is what addiction actually looks like and I’m being an idiot
Any help very gratefully received xx

Cocaine would be an absolute deal breaker for me, I wouldn’t have ever seen him again after finding out on the 2nd date.

This isn’t a relationship. So you don’t have anything to “end”. You can either continue to date him or not.

I personally wouldn’t continue to date a cocaine addict.

No chance I would do this

I'd have been running away before he'd even finished making his weird roll up drug cigarette

A 55 year old man that uses cocaine regularly? What a catch (loser). Anyone that uses drugs is not normal and has some sort of mental problem, sorry.

Run!

My god. Is it considered usual to smoke it and to just casually prepare it in front of people you don’t know ? Were you in public?

I have nothing to do with drug users. I would end my thirty year marriage if my DH did that.

You're worth more than this. Even if it weren't an addition, he knows you didn't like it and did it anyway, just in the phase when you're trying to impress the other person. Return the necklace and steer clear of him. I imagine that what he spends on cocaine could go towards a mortgage.

This is all glossing over the human cost of the drugs industry and just focusing on you, but if you needed to be convinced you can look into that more. Honestly it sounds like he looked better than other men you've dated but he's no catch. You are though, remember that.

So he's a 55 year old man shoving shit up his nose...yes really mature, love to date him...not

He's a fucking druggie loser. Yes its a bit now...six months time he's sniffing every ten pound note "just is case"

He's pathetically chasing his youth just walk away

Yes in a posh bar in Soho nearby to where he works as a barrister FFS

This is why I’ve been doubting my judgment - he made it seem so normal as something to do when drinking

A few of my friends have agreed with him when I’ve asked them and say it’s very common in high powered jobs

Was it definitely cocaine? Not cannabis? Would be the same outcome from me anyway

YANBU - end it now.

Also smoking it? Yikes he's gone beyond sniffing it to smoking it... that's seriously fucked up OP.

No, this would be a relationship to end immediately. Necklace or no necklace. He’s a hardened drug user.

There's quite a lot of judgement here. However, it is clearly not something you like so i would end the relationship based on that.

Probably Id knock it on the head. Cant understand why you have to get on the ADHD bandwagon though.

Are you sure it's just cocaine?

Why shouldnt we judge?
Cocaine is linked to multiple harms across this country and abroad.
It's not some benign habit.

Could I rephrase for you.

Should I date a criminal who supports violence, murder and the subdugation of entire communities through fear?

No. You shouldn't.

People who say that their drug use isn't a problem forget how it is made.

Well it’s not a bandwagon
I was diagnosed at 8 and am now 45

I mentioned it because I have terrible problems making and sticking to decisions

It was white power - definitely not rocks of crack

Agree it's too early to be a proper relationship yet. I wouldn't have gone on date 3 and would have checked it as soon as I found out about the cocaine.

Sorry, he sprinkled it in a cigarette and smoked it? This was inside a bar? 😱

You don’t need an excuse to break up with anyone. That said he has given you a big one!

Couldn't have worded it better myself. The misery the use of this drug causes.