To end a relationship over weekend cocaine use?

[400N]

Posting for traffic here

I can’t decide if I have massively overreacted or if my gut instinct was right to end it over this
For context I have ADHD and find decision making really difficult - often changing my mind multiple times before making a final decision
I’ve been divorced 5 years and with DS now off to uni I began dating and all were terrible until this latest one
He is 55 so 10 years older than me, has his own flat ( rented as couldn’t afford a mortgage after his divorce ) and seems to be a great dad to his 2 kids although they are adults
We met the first evening for dinner and he was charming, paid for the meal and was lovely - he did seem quite loud and chatty but mentioned his kids both have ADHD so I thought maybe this was why
The second date was longer as we went for drinks after a meal and he suddenly starts sprinkling cocaine into a roll up cigarette as if this was completely normal behaviour
I made my excuses and left early although continued to talk and message before he asked why I was avoided meeting him again and I told him - he said it only happens when he drinks which I believed then as didn’t see any signs on date 1 and if he wanted to hide it altogether I thought he would have sniffed it rather than smoked it in front of me?
Anyway date 3 rolled around and we went to a film, all nice but he wanted to go for drinks after and I didn’t want the topic to come up so left early
Date 4 he booked a hotel - he started smoking it again after a few drinks at the bar and I found the sex really weird
It lasted a very very long time and all felt quite detached on his part
Weirdly straight after was very loving and close and he had bought me a beautiful necklace for my upcoming birthday which he gave to me early
He holds down a high powered job and works very long hours and says this is just his way of unwinding - for me cocaine is to get high and have a buzz?
Ive never taken drugs and don’t know if I’m considering ending a really good thing over a weekend habit or whether this is what addiction actually looks like and I’m being an idiot
Any help very gratefully received xx

Why did you feel the need to destroy a bit of the environment to tell us what ChatGPT thinks. Ffs

👌🏾👌🏾

Nope nope nope nope nope.

Walk away. This will not lead anywhere good.

A barrister sprinkling crack into a roll-up and smoking it, all in public?!

He will bring you nothing but stress and worry. Do yourself and your child a favour and end it now.

The signs probably were there on date #1: loud and chatty. But you weren't to know that if it's not something you've come across before.
Get rid. It almost never ends well.

Your instincts are already telling you all you need to know, so trust them and walk away.

Coke makes the sex terrible, they take forever to finish and it's just shit. I left my now husband when I was 23 and he 30 over recreational drug use with mates at work. We lived in a different city for work and I came home. He soon followed , we reconciled and he never used drugs again. The drugs totally changed his personality as he couldn't handle them. Get out now while you can. Any drug use (even weed) is a dealbreaker for me.

I’d have ended it as soon as I knew.

I posted the same it isn’t the ‘normal’ cocaine. It cannot be smoked. All drugs but what he’s doing is definitely not recreational and highly addictive. He’s already shown you how addicted he is. Believe him!

That's so weird. I've been around alot of people taking cocaine recreationally, it was really prolific in my area. You wouldn't go to a party and not see people racking up lines and offering it round. I've never seen anyone smoke it, ever. I'd run for the hills and then run some more. He'd maybe be able to buy a place if he didn't use coke. I can't believe he openly used it infront of you on a second date. Wild.

Run! For me there wouldn’t have been a date 3. Let your friends date him.

Well I didn’t know I was such a greenhorn - people smoke cocaine? How?
Anyway regardless - big no. It’s just never going to end well.

How low are your standards that you saw him for date 3 after he nonchalantly did cocaine infront of you on date 2. He was testing your boundaries. Blows my mind that you would see him again at that stage. I despair!

I bet he doesn’t just use it at the weekends to relax.
He has a high powered job and works long hours. He's an habitual user, Guaranteed!

Nope, would be a complete deal breaker for me after the first time he did it. Run a mile, block his number and find someone better.

That is not 'recreational' drug use. He has a problem. Run as far as you can.

Glad it's not just me. I thought you could only snort or inject the stuff. 🤷‍♀️

I think your dilemma goes beyond “Would you date someone that uses Cocaine?” because this guy seems keen to end up using it every date. So the conundrum is not akin to “Would you date someone who drinks alcohol?” but more akin to “Would you date an alcoholic?”

I wouldn’t date an addict. I couldn’t stand it if a date that was a meal, a film, a walk, a coffee had to end in a few bottles of cider etc. Yuck no thanks.

Ask yourself the question, why would you want to carry on seeing him?

It is common in certain industries, but that doesn't make it right.

He's also intelligent enough to know what goes on behind the scenes in that trade and he doesn't care. What a tosser!

I had an ex who was a cocaine using barrister. Maybe the same guy?!

I’m fairly laid back and easy going, especially by MN standards but I absolutely draw the line at drugs. I grew up where drugs where normalised, I still occasionally associate with people who use drugs but I absolutely have never and will never be in a relationship with someone who takes drugs, even when I was young and everyone was doing it. If I started seeing someone I’d end it if I found out they did drugs. At 55 the man needs to grow the fuck up.

He did cocaine and you still thought that was ok and you slept with him on date 4 then you go online to ask strangers if thats ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Absolutely a deal breaker. Apart from anything else, the cocaine trade has created hell on Earth for millions of people. I don’t mean the idiots who buy and use it: they are perpetrators, not innocent victims.

It causes countless murders across the whole supply route from the source countries in Latin America, vast areas dominated by warring gangs, environmental devastation and the destruction of once functioning societies.

Anyone using it deserves all the harm it causes them. I would tell this man what I thought of him, and never speak to him again.

A drug user is a deal breaker for me.

I don't date substance abusers. It may be common in high stress jobs, so what? There's also a lot of people who don't use drugs and have stressful jobs.

Besides the huge societal impact caused by trafficking, this guy's already 55. You want to be a carer after he has a massive heart attack and or goes into cognitive decline? If he drinks alcohol too, that increases his risk for heart attack and stroke even more.

This guy is high risk. He's using coke out in the open. He's got a serious drug problem and that's going to catch up to him really fast at his age.