When to Have the Period Chat

[JustHavinABreak]

I'm posting in AIBU because there's so much traffic here and I'd love to get some advice on something.

I have 3 DC and the youngest is DD (9 almost 10). In some respects she is 9 going on 7, and in others she's 9 going on 15! My other two are boys so this is the first time the issue has come up.

I had my first period when I was 11 and I believe my DM started pretty young too. My own DD is showing absolutely no signs of puberty and still hasn't reached that stage were there's any significant difference between the boys and girls in her class. They all still play together and the boy/girl divide that sometimes starts to happen at around that age doesn't seem to have started yet.

Every time I broach anything even remotely linked to her and puberty, she changes the topic. I think because she has older siblings, she knows it's a "thing" but she has zero interest in it and is not in the least bit shy about her own body. Happily parades around the house looking for her pjs and towels when she's getting ready for the shower or getting dressed. Respects other people's privacy but doesn't feel the need for it herself just now.

Part of me wants to not force the issue and instinct tells me she's not quite ready for any "preparation" but another part of me worries that I'm thinking that because it's ME who's holding on to her innocence. I'd hate for her to get her period out of the blue and feel shocked and unprepared.

If it's relevant my own periods were HORRENDOUS with endometriosis that went undiagnosed well into adulthood. My DM was the same and I worry that this is what lies ahead for DD.

If you were in my position when would you start talking about periods? I can't mention my own because I have a coil and haven't had a period for years. Otherwise that would be a brilliant way in.

So....

YABU - worse would be that she's unprepared. Start talking about it now.
YANBU - give it a while and try again in 6 months time.

Our girl and boy knew about periods from 3/4 years probably. Just buy some period bits - pads mainly and tell her you have and where they are. Ask her if she knows what period pants are buy her some anyway.
you may have to force it a bit but school will have already covered some of this. Get her a book on it - some very good ones out there about puberty for girls & boys. Get one of each. Leave them in her room

So I bought this for my DD. I thought it was a great kit and it includes a book on periods and puberty. x

wuka.co.uk/products/wuka-teen-period-starter-kit-midi-pink?variant=57373670048117

Aw thanks so much! Feeling a bit crap here about how wrong I've got it so that's lovely to hear 😊

Period pants/ shorts are a game changer for younger girls. Wish they were around when I was 13. Just get her a load of everything if you can afford it… and some dark underwear too so she always has options

My post got deleted because I said “s*dding”??? Cripes.

OP, just remember half the posts on here saying surely you just, you have failed, why haven’t you this and you MUST have done that, haven’t even read what you wrote. Yes, try to talk to her (from one whose skinny dd started at 11 and probably didn’t hit 7 stone until she was 15, sometimes it’s unpredictable!). But you’ve responded really graciously to a lot of daft posts on here.

really baffled about this, actually, having read through the guidelines. Don’t want to hijack but would love to know the rationale here, @MNHQ

You really need to have a conversation about this, 9 is late! Some girls get their period at 9, and it will be awful if it happens and scares her.

I was a skinny slip of a thing with no other outward puberty signs when I got my period aged 10, so I wouldn't wait too much longer. 😁

I've talked to my girls about it since always, but in addition I can recommend the book "What Is Happening To Me?", which my oldest (same age as yours) has read many times since I bought it about a year ago. It's better to be prepared than not, I say!

Don't feel crap. You do what you believe is best. I'd buy a book and give it. Not ideal but it depends how you handle it. I'm sure you'll do a sterling job.

I do think it’s time to talk to her about it and reading a book together might help. I had periods every month but after the age of about two I can’t remember my kids coming into the toilet with me and they wouldn’t have seen tampons etc as I kept them in a drawer in my bedroom or in my bag. I had to actually introduce the topic . I think I had a general book on the human body and periods, reproduction etc were part of it as was digestion and breathing. By the time they started their periods at 12 and 13 they were prepared and told me. I started putting Always pads in a cupboard under the sink. I don’t think it’s anything to do with innocence and I don’t think it needs to be made a big deal either. I would be starting to encourage her to be a bit more private too, although I realise not everyone would agree with me.