When to Have the Period Chat

[JustHavinABreak]

I'm posting in AIBU because there's so much traffic here and I'd love to get some advice on something.

I have 3 DC and the youngest is DD (9 almost 10). In some respects she is 9 going on 7, and in others she's 9 going on 15! My other two are boys so this is the first time the issue has come up.

I had my first period when I was 11 and I believe my DM started pretty young too. My own DD is showing absolutely no signs of puberty and still hasn't reached that stage were there's any significant difference between the boys and girls in her class. They all still play together and the boy/girl divide that sometimes starts to happen at around that age doesn't seem to have started yet.

Every time I broach anything even remotely linked to her and puberty, she changes the topic. I think because she has older siblings, she knows it's a "thing" but she has zero interest in it and is not in the least bit shy about her own body. Happily parades around the house looking for her pjs and towels when she's getting ready for the shower or getting dressed. Respects other people's privacy but doesn't feel the need for it herself just now.

Part of me wants to not force the issue and instinct tells me she's not quite ready for any "preparation" but another part of me worries that I'm thinking that because it's ME who's holding on to her innocence. I'd hate for her to get her period out of the blue and feel shocked and unprepared.

If it's relevant my own periods were HORRENDOUS with endometriosis that went undiagnosed well into adulthood. My DM was the same and I worry that this is what lies ahead for DD.

If you were in my position when would you start talking about periods? I can't mention my own because I have a coil and haven't had a period for years. Otherwise that would be a brilliant way in.

So....

YABU - worse would be that she's unprepared. Start talking about it now.
YANBU - give it a while and try again in 6 months time.

Nearly 10 is already quite late.

Can you talk to her about it via preparing a period kit together and putting it into her bag for when it is needed?

I'd force the issue a little bit. She should know the basics by now, even if it's only to avoid springing it on her at a later stage.

Well, I think it should be a continuing process for girls and boys starting at 5 at the latest.

Innocence and ignorance are completely different things.

This. I'd say 7 or 8 is the right sort of age. A friend's daughter was 8 when hers started.

When do they cover it at school? Quite a lot of girls start periods at 10 so I would do it as soon as possible, nice idea about preparing a kit together ready for when it happens.

Glad you asked this. Following.

I think you've left it very late. I would talk about it asap

Im surprised school havent beaten you too it to be honest if shes in, what, Year 5? I would prioritise this OP. Take her for a day out. Just you two, a girls day and explain the basics, maybe walk along a beach or wood or whatever so you're side by side, have hot chocolate. You di t nerd to go into details of how messy and painful it can be at this point but she should know what it is. Then if shes ok, go get a pretty wash bag or pencil case to put a kit in with pads, period pants etc.

My mum never told either my sister me about periods, she left it to the school to do.

I never started mine until I was 17 so I knew to ext them (but no one was concerned I hadn’t started by that point either!)

My younger sister started when she was 10 (years before me!) and had no idea what was happening. I had to fill her in with the details while mum just gave her Dr Whites inch thick looped pads and a belt 🤦🏻‍♀️

Many girls start younger and 9 isn't unusual
Get in there quickly before its too late.
Yes she'll be grossed out, but better she knows and is prepared.

If she hasn’t started developing at all then you can probably leave it for a while. Periods don’t start out the blue, there will be other signs first that her body is developing. Any sign of breasts?

At the very least though she should know what periods are at 9 years old, even if she doesn’t quite understand it all.

DD and DS were aware from a young age, maybe 6. We didn't make a big deal of it, it's just a part of life. They're usually taught in years 5 or 6 at school.

Have you not spoken to your older boys about puberty/sex/consent for both sexes?
NSPCC 'pants' stuff and all those types of conversations should be ongoing.

My near 3yr and 4yr old always follow me to the toilet. Single parent. And have seen me when ive been on and ive been honest whats happening

My boy started slowly learning since 4ish. He knows why it happens, what happens, that it’s once a month, what products I use and why. It started with him seeing my pads/ tampons asking what they are and what for. It your DD’s age it’s a bit late so start now

Talk about while you're doing something else - driving, walking, cooking, or something. And keep trying every now and then.

And I know you won't mean this in any unpleasant way but.... maybe reconsider 'parade' as a way to describe her moving around her home in an unabashed way?

Absolutely agree with @CurlewKate that it should be an ongoing conversation from a young age, my DD has known from about age 3 that I have periods and that she will one day when she's older. She knows some basic facts and we'll build upon them. I would also be telling boys, just don't have any.

There should not be a 'period chat' or a 'facts of life chat' as a Big Thing.

My sisters and I all had periods in primary school.

Yes, I'm not concealing my periods from my son, just trying to treat it as matter of fact, this happens, this is something I need to handle.

Could you maybe just mention periods more rather than talking to her about her period at first? Don't try to start a conversation, just refer to what you have to do, what you feel a bit in little snippets.

A period kit is a good idea, but I'd start with a few random comments that gets moved on from quickly - she'll notice, but won't feel in the spotlight.

My DD is 8, showing no signs but i have already read "Grow up Thalia Wilkins!" to her, which is a fiction book about a girl getting her first period. It's a bit American but DD enjoyed it and was interested and curious, and was showing it to her friend when she came for a playdate and they were reading parts of it to their 'class' of soft toys.

DD is now reading the "Extremely embarrassing life of lottie brooks" out loud together at bedtime.

I have my own hang ups about talking about periods with her which is ridiculous, I'm an experience HCP - FFS, but my mother, who i am now estranged from for a whole host of reasons, gave me a Osbourne book about puberty and left me to it, absolutely no support ever!

Reading fiction books feels like a low pressure way to do it, and ticks off two parenting goals in one.

My daughter knew about periods from about age 4. Nearly 10 is very late, so id do it asap

100% this - I took this approach with my DD. My DH is also fully versed in periods, and if I had sons, I would make sure they were educated too.

Yes, I do think you'll need to force it a bit. It's very possible that it will be several years before she needs to deal with her first periods but she should know the basics because some of her classmates will be going through it soon even if she isn't.

Don't worry, about now is a fine time. Even if it's better to have started the conversation earlier, I don't think there's any harm done as long as you start bringing it up soon. The crucial thing is that she knows about it before it happens and you obviously haven't missed that.

I don't think you hvae to immediately be talking about HER period to be starting this conversation, and yes, it should have happened already. My chidlren were vaguelly aware of periods from when they were toddlers with me, sharing the bathroom when I had my period. As they got older, the explanations and information got more involved. We never sat down and had a specific period chat, it just evolved over time.