When to Have the Period Chat

[JustHavinABreak]

I'm posting in AIBU because there's so much traffic here and I'd love to get some advice on something.

I have 3 DC and the youngest is DD (9 almost 10). In some respects she is 9 going on 7, and in others she's 9 going on 15! My other two are boys so this is the first time the issue has come up.

I had my first period when I was 11 and I believe my DM started pretty young too. My own DD is showing absolutely no signs of puberty and still hasn't reached that stage were there's any significant difference between the boys and girls in her class. They all still play together and the boy/girl divide that sometimes starts to happen at around that age doesn't seem to have started yet.

Every time I broach anything even remotely linked to her and puberty, she changes the topic. I think because she has older siblings, she knows it's a "thing" but she has zero interest in it and is not in the least bit shy about her own body. Happily parades around the house looking for her pjs and towels when she's getting ready for the shower or getting dressed. Respects other people's privacy but doesn't feel the need for it herself just now.

Part of me wants to not force the issue and instinct tells me she's not quite ready for any "preparation" but another part of me worries that I'm thinking that because it's ME who's holding on to her innocence. I'd hate for her to get her period out of the blue and feel shocked and unprepared.

If it's relevant my own periods were HORRENDOUS with endometriosis that went undiagnosed well into adulthood. My DM was the same and I worry that this is what lies ahead for DD.

If you were in my position when would you start talking about periods? I can't mention my own because I have a coil and haven't had a period for years. Otherwise that would be a brilliant way in.

So....

YABU - worse would be that she's unprepared. Start talking about it now.
YANBU - give it a while and try again in 6 months time.

Very fair point

Definitely going to do this. Sounds like the perfect approach

I don’t understand how you be in year three yet be nearly 10

Mini blonde is nearly 10 and year five

They definitely discuss sex and periods and puberty in year four and five

But yes, you do need to have a simple chat of what happens and how to deal with it so having a pencil case with some pads wipes hand gel period knickers, spare knickers et cetera would be good

I was 10 1/2. Some friends weren’t to 1415 so it really does vary in age but she does need to know the basics.

No absolutely nothing. She's a tiny little girl really. She'd blow over in a puff of wind and so far there are absolutely no signs of puberty

I just tell my eleven year old all about the ins and outs of my periods and menopause. She cringes but at least she won't be afraid to talk about it with me I guess!

Yes I've done it all with the boys. I was always safe in the knowledge that they'd never get a period though. I guess with DD I've been trying to save her from what liés ahead until it was necessary. Lying on the bathroom floor vomiting and flooding was my experience as a teenager but as a PP said, there's a difference between innocence and ignorance

God you're right. It may be a colloquial thing here in Ireland to say that, but when ai read it back, it sounds terrible.

Straight to Amazon to order these. Thank you SO much for such a brilliant tip.

My daughter was teeny tiny and a dancer so I thought we had ages. She was 11 and it was a shock to everyone. I started talking to her about it around 7/8 and got her a friendly book to leave in her room around 9 as she was just embarrassed by all of it. She read it and asked me some questions.

the thing is she almost certainly has a friend who already has it - or a a friend’s older sister etc. My daughter heard all sorts of rubbish from her school friends so i am glad I got in first and let her come to me with any questions.

id get some pads and tampons into the main bathroom for either her or her friends now too - its nice to have it available without a big thing.

the drama in my house was the dancing - I hadn’t considered the logistics of this at all so that day I ended up leaving work early and panic buying everything the dance shop thought might help. So if she’s a swimmer / gymnast / dancer take a bit of time to look at options.

DD was 8. I bought a book ‘Let's Talk About Where Babies Come From’ that covered everything and we went through the relevant pages. I kept it in my room at that point cos there were sections on AIDS and other subjects I felt she didn’t need to know at that point.

DD in the end started periods at 13 - but I knew that some of her peers who would start before end of primary and they’d be talk in the playground.

i pretty much did the same w DS plus a but later I got him a boy specific book - was hoping DH would take the lead- but of course he didn’t (DS once asked him if he had a wet dream and I 🤪 as it made him squirm).

Why is nakedness a problem and how is that connected to her brothers?

Not something hidden in our family, from early on even the boys knew there's times when we don't feel good or well and why, so no trauma when some of the girls started

I think that's why I've ended up here. She has ZERO curiosity about it. I had a coil fitted shortly after she was born so she's never seen me have a period.

She's not in Year 3. She's in 3rd Class which isn't the same. She's the same age as her classmates. I'm in Ireland

Great idea. She's a gymnast so yes, there'll ne extra considerations there. Thanks for the tip!

Wow! So much great advice and lots of fantastic tips. I braced myself for this because I knew there'd be a few posters ready to tell me how I was failing her but I appreciate the positive replies and help. I don't need strangers online to tell me what a bad job I'm doing. I can do that all by myself! What I did need was the collective minds and experiences of other mothers who would help, so for that, thank you so much x

I would have the chat sooner rather than later, show her some period products and put them in a drawer for her for when she needs them. Keep it casual and tell her she can ask you anything as and when it occurs to her. My boys knew about periods from a young age just from being in the loo with me, seeing tampons in the bathroom etc. They knew mum had period pain, liked a hot bath & a hot water bottle when I had my period! But as you say, it doesn't feel imperative with boys because you know they're never going to have to deal with it! It did make them sympathetic with girlfriends I think and they were always willing to get painkillers, hot water bottles and chocolate!

I remember asking my friend if she'd had the talk with her daughter around 8 or 9 and she admitted that she knew she had to but had been kind of putting it off. When I asked her why, she said 'I can't think of a way to put a positive spin on it'!

Can I ask what period pants and / or products people are recommending? All so different than when I started (have mirena, liked M&S period pants before that but are they ‘cool’ enough?)

Grateful for recommendations!

I always had appropriate books on sex puberty etc around so that the kids could look up anything about it whenever they wanted. I had these around from when the kids were very little. I never had to a ‘a chat’ about things apart from when my boys started dating when I made them sit through a ‘two forms of contraception’ chat (in the car so they couldn’t escape!! They covered periods and sex at school too so it was never a thing.
I wasn’t someone to bang on about my periods but I would mention it if I was feeling ill or something.
The kids were all very into animal documentaries so that probably helped too.
One thing I didn’t do was talk about periods with the idea that they were about maturity and being a woman. I’d always keep my language very neutral and factual. I had no desire to be a grown up when I was a young teen.
Another two things we did with my girls is that firstly my husband got them a present when their periods started. Again it wasn’t made out to be a big deal but a little acknowledgment. The other thing we did was that they were allowed to get their ears pierced once their periods started. There was no big reasonings behind that but it seemed nice to have a positive thing to do.
Periods are shite and I felt sorry for
my girls when theirs started.

It seems very old fashioned to be having some big chat. Haven't you been talking to her about this stuff for years? Mine and 6 and 5 and when they ask what a sanitary towel is or similar (if they see me with one) then I just tell them honestly. What do you say when she asks?

OP you are the best kind of poster. Everyone says you’re unreasonable and you take it on the chin and say ‘ah right, I’ll do something about it’. Brilliant!

OP, I hope you don’t mind me de-railing your thread a little, sorry. I’ve found everyone’s replies helpful, my daughter is a similar age to yours, we are perhaps a little ahead on the period chat, but she has no idea about how babies are made. Super curious about births, so we’ve covered that in natural conversation, but never touched on sex and I know I need to bring that up and perhaps soon, before she hears it from friends.
Posters have mentioned books. Could I ask for recommendations? I like the idea of a girl specific book.

My daughter was quite slight so we tried a few but honestly she liked a set from Amazon best. They seemed less bulky than others. She doubled up though with pads and now tampons.

https://amzn.eu/d/00ZuZTDo

@PurpleThistle7 brilliant thanks!

ok. Whatever 3rd class is

but they don’t discuss till 5th class which is 11-12 age is that right ?

seems very late