Partner turned down a free 'upgrade' to sit next to me!

[Annteeta]

On a recent flight, my partner was three rows in front of me as we weren't too bothered about paying to sit together on a 2-hour flight. After we got on, he brought me a sandwich from his bag. The woman next to me realised we knew each other and offered to swap to his row to sit next to her relative. I thought, "Great," but he immediately said, "I'm very sorry, but I'm settled where I am." To be honest, I was taken aback, as he'd only been on the plane two minutes. He made some excuse about how he put his case in the overhead locker, but I said it didn't matter as he could still move. He glowered at me and gave me such a look I was fuming. He had no real reason not to move. Am I being unreasonable to be put out about this? It just struck me as a really weird thing to do.

How on earth is this an upgrade? I thought you meant he had refused a business class seat to sit next to you (and secretly thought him a fool😁).

I don’t even know if it’s a better situation from what you have written. Where was he in relation to you - rows in front or behind? If in front, why on earth would he want to move backwards? What seat did he have and what would the swap have been? If he had a preferred window or aisle and he had to swap for a middle, he would have been crazy to accept, whereas if he was in a middle, and the swap was for an aisle then seems odd not to take it.

When I fly with DH, and/or kids, it’s every man for themselves with seats. I grab the first aisle seat I can get. DH likes window, so grabs the first free. Kids take care of what they want. Being next to/near each other is not important, we can all cope just fine meeting up after we exit the plane.

I think that what happened here, as other posters have said, is that OP's partner had made himseflf comfortable on his assigned seat and it's a bit of an inconvenience to have to move everything a couple of rows back.

The telling sign here is that he is a man, and OP is a woman. Women have been, and still are, conditioned to put another person's feelings above ours (especially men's), so most women would put their inconvenience aside so they wouldn't hurt their partner's feelings and go sit with them.

But men have not been conditioned to do this, so for him saying "no" to moving and saving himself from the inconvenience is the normal, default position and he wouldn't see anything wrong with it.

Had been the other way around, and had OP said "no" to moving by his side, I bet this month's salary he would be baffled and hurt.

Double standards. It's in our hands to change them.

Being cynical - What did the relative look like?

Depends on the seats - for two hours I wouldn’t be bothered swapping anyway but I would definitely not swap an aisle for a middle.

The fact you don’t live together and that he not only refused the chance to sit next to you but also got annoyed about it would be a nope from me.

it would definitely make me rethink whether I wanted to be anywhere near him again.

He clearly didn’t want to sit next to you. That tells you a lot.

What’s the point of a relationship if you don’t want to sit next to your partner? It’s so interesting to see the different views on here, personally I think it’s a flight, you should want to be next to the person you’re supposed to love.

Sorry and all the people saying the inconvenience- she’s not asking him to move house, it’s at most moving a bag and shuffling a few things!!!!

Doesn't sound as though he even likes you OP.
And he sounds a selfish person not to allow the woman to sit near her relative.

@HoppingPavlova its not a bus … you know your seat before you get on.

Its funny if we want to sit together we book together, according to the op thry weren't bothered when they booked, so it can't be that important to them

PollyBell

Was it a payment thing though? I don’t travel often and went abroad a few years ago with my friends and they said oh well we’re not paying a charge. Although aside from that I think they all wanted reading time(I was more ready to sit and chat😅)

I can understand where he’s coming from. He had his bag in the overhead, potentially a jumper on the seat, things in the pouch in front, maybe something under the seat. Moving would have been hassle and could have risked him losing something.

Or he just didn’t want to move.

This.

I can absolutely see me being like your DH in this situation. We do a lot of short flights, 45 minutes or an hour. He likes us to sit together, I couldn’t care less for a short flight. And I’d have been settled…

It would have been a “downgrade”, if anything, as he’d be moving further back in the plane.

OP, business class is up front. First class, when it’s available, is fronter still.

It’s still a bit annoying what he did, especially as it would have been helping the lady sitting next to you. I can only understand if for instance he needs window, or aisle, or emergency exit seat

Couldn't you have offered to swap with the woman's relative?

But yeah he was being very weird.

So you could have swapped and let the others sit together. This is about your husband having alone time.

I have never paid to sit together. Yet we rarely get separated!

Jeez who wants a boyfriend that thinks it's a downgrade to sit next to them?

It's a dumping offense for me OP. Maybe if you've been married 30yrs and you've had a row that day or something I could understand it. But in the dating phase of the relationship, on a trip together and he doesn't want to sit with me? Sod that! You're in for a lifetime of mediocrity and half arsed gestures of affection that he doesn't really mean, if you stay. Respect yourself and value yourself enough to be with someone who actually enjoys spending time with you.

I would have been settled and not wanted to move

No way would I faff about moving seats and moving my case from one overhead locker to another.

You can still do all those things AND sit next to your partner.

What seat did he have there, aisle or middle or window?

And what seat would he have had with you?

I think a lot of people would be loathe to give up an aisle seat and wouldn’t see it as an upgrade.

How long was the flight?

How has he been since? Have you talked about it?