Husband’s comment at dinner

[GingerCakeLover]

So husband made a comment about the dinner I cooked for the family this evening and I’ve lost my shit with him and I’m currently sitting in our bedroom with the door shut so I can calm down. Looking for AIBU opinions because I’m also perimenopausal and just getting over the horrible fluey/cold that’s doing the rounds and I’ve had very little sleep the last week, so I admit I may be a tad more emotional than usual!

Basically today is the first day I’ve felt better in a week. I spent my day catching up on laundry, running the hoover round, tidying the house, walking the dog and cooking dinner.

DH suffers with high blood pressure so he always wants to eat healthy to lower it rather than go on tablets. Fair enough. We’ve all had this lurgy, and haven’t been eating much, so I thought I would cook a lovely Sunday dinner of some roast potatoes in the air fryer with fry-light, 3 different types of steamed veg and a giant pig-in-blanket which I found a new recipe for, but because DH is being careful what he eats I bulked the sausage meat out with apples, onions, grated carrot, breadcrumbs etc to make it lower in fat for DH.

All DH has done today is ride his mountain bike, potter about in the garden and sit in the log cabin for long periods with cups of tea scrolling Facebook.

The first comment he made when I put his dinner in front of him at the table this evening was ‘Oh I’d better get the defibrillator out’.

Sounds silly writing it, but I just saw red - I’ve been busy all day doing housework and preparing and cooking a nice meal whilst he does exactly what he wants, and the first comment he makes has to be an implied criticism. I honestly wanted to jam his face into his dinner 😂

Be honest people, would that wind you up too or am I just reactive because I’m tired and hormonal??

He can do all of the cooking from now on then, can't he. How bloody ungrateful of him.

You are doing too much. Pull back. You'll never be appreciated.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. You know when someone’s taking the absolute pi@@ out of you.

A defibrillator makes an excellent tool to bludgeon him with. 🤔
You could also charge it up and put the electrodes on his tongue.

Sometimes a comment like that is all it takes to tip you over the edge.
How on earth is your blood pressure I am wondering … 🤔

I don't think there's anything wrong with the comment tbph. It's sounds lighthearted and I'd probably chuckle.

That's not the real issue though. The issue is why is he sitting on his arse all day whilst you run around ragged?

If the answer is because you've both been ill and he did the same yesterday...yabu.

Anything else...well yabu. Because you're letting him treat you like a doormat.

YANBU Op, I would have been annoyed too. But, to give him the benefit of the doubt, is it possible he didn’t know you had done low fat versions and thought they were all full fat? Doesn’t excuse the rudeness of course, but might be the reason behind it

I don't blame you for being hurt and angry.

It's pathetic that he understands so little about balanced eating that a moderate portion of the meat and potatoes and plenty of the veg is considered a catastrophically unhealthy meal.

Literally serve thimbles of totally plain boiled rice, microwaved plain white fish and veg to him only from now on. Ungrateful sod.

Not all high blood pressure is diet related, in fact not all heart attacks we due to poor diets either - my slim build vegan sister who went/goes to the gym 3 or 4 times a week had a heart attack at 44 despite normal -low blood pressure and not markers for heart disease.

Context and tone is important here too.

My partner frequently refers to any meal/pudding/treats high in fat as me trying to bump him off via a coronary - one of his grandfathers died due to a heart attack at 52 before he was born but it is never said seriously and always with a friendly, jovial tone so it's not taken to heart.

Take your time, compose yourself and then have a conversation about the weekend, division of labour and how these comments have made you feel

So you've done the laundry, the hoovering, tidied the house, walked the dog and cooked the dinner.

All he has done today is ride his mountain bike, potter about in the garden and sit in the log cabin for long periods with cups of tea scrolling Facebook.

STOP BLAMING HORMONES.

It truly minimises all the shit women do while they allow Prince Charming to act like a lazy arse.

YANBU.

Now that’s out of the way…are there any leftovers?!

You've been sick and you spent your first well day catching up on the housework?
Your dh is an entitled prick.
Stop enabling his atrocious behaviour.

Save me a plate. I'll bring dessert. 🙂

He sounds like a very ungrateful man. Let him do the cooking from now on while you relax....he will soon change his tune

Once you have calmed down you have a little chat comparing what tasks you do versus his. Then you do a list sharing said tasks including cooking and present it to him as non negotiable

you then don’t do his tasks or cooking and carve out some spare time just for you to
sit in the log cabin scrolling

Why was he not keeping on top of the housework etc while you were ill?

How is he still breathing, ungrateful prick!

Yes, that would really piss me off. At the end of a trying week and busy day you’ve thoughtfully prepared a lovely meal with his health concerns in mind, and with one oh-so-witty comment, he’s thrown it back in your face. No doubt you’re now in the wrong having overreacted, and been oversensitive and unable to take a joke. Bloody men…

I love this suggestion!

Ooh that sounds delicious, my husband has high blood pressure too, but he'd love ♥️your pig in blanket recipe, would you share it? .

Exactly my thoughts!

Also OP, if his blood pressure is still high despite changing his diet, he really should be on medication. They dont call it the silent killer for nothing.

I’d attach them somewhere else.

YANBU he’s a dickhead. You probably are reacting more strongly because you’re exhausted, which is exactly why he should have thought through whether to make his stupid little dig (not to mention he should have been doing the housework while you were sick). You need someone to take care of you, and instead he sat on his arse and let you do all the work.

Personally that would be the last meal I’d cook for him for some time – I would be telling him as I clearly couldn’t get it right he better cook for himself, it wouldn’t be right for me to put his health at risk etc, lay it on thick until the dickhead admitted there was nothing wrong with the meal you cooked. Sounds delicious btw.

It sounds like he’s a lazy shit and the comment was the straw that broke the camel’s back. YANBU, I’d be seriously pissed off in your shoes.

Does your DH cook any meals or is it a case he does nothing and dictates to you what you should cook to meet his dietary needs. If so, I’d tell him to prepare his own meals going forward.

Why hasn’t your DH done his share of housework today ? Does he ever ?

The comment I’d have laughed off, the you doing the work whilst he lazes, not so much, I’d not put up with that,