Am I rude?

[air3296]

I had a slightly awkward experience at the supermarket today and would genuinely like to hear what people in the UK think.
It was around lunchtime on a Saturday, and the supermarket was really busy, with quite a long queue for the self-checkouts.
The person in front of me had a fairly large shop. As they scanned their items, they took their time packing everything into bags, repeatedly hesitating and changing their mind about which items should go where.
I didn’t really mind that, as everyone has their own pace.
However, after scanning all their items, they still didn’t pay. Instead, they continued taking their time rearranging everything in their bags, while occupying the checkout and holding up the queue.
At that point, I said: “Could you please pay first? We’re in a rush.”
I wasn’t asking them to stop packing altogether. I just thought they could pay first and then move aside to finish packing, so the next person could use the checkout.
Now I’m wondering whether what I said was considered rude or impolite by British standards.
What’s the general etiquette at self-checkouts in the UK, especially when the supermarket is really busy? Was I being unreasonable, or was my request perfectly fair?
I’d genuinely appreciate honest opinions, even if you think I was in the wrong.

No, you weren’t. There are a few selfish supermarket shoppers who seem to expect to be treated like the sole customer in a posh corner shop. It’s rude and thoughtless. If they have all the time in the world, then they can go to small shops and shop at a leisurely pace.

I once went to put my shopping on a Morrison’s conveyor belt, and the woman in front of me who’d put her 5 or 6 items on the belt told me I couldn’t! WTAF! First of all, I thought she was worried my things would push up against hers or shed be charged for my shopping or something, so I politely said I’d leave a gap and put down a Next Customer thing, leave a gap, then put down another Next Customer and only then put on my shopping so it would be safely separated.

She then extremely rudely told me I’d have to wait until hers had gone through and she’d paid!! I managed to keep my temper in case she was a bit confused, and I politely explained that’s not how it worked. Then she purposely blocked me from approaching the belt!

Unbelievable! She thought the whole world revolved round her. So I can well imagine what you describe. That’s far more common and very annoying, as are people who stand there folding up their receipt and looking through their bag to see where best to put it, when they could just shove it in a bag of shopping and move out the way before doing that!

I don't think you were rude at all. Unless a person is elderly then they should not take forever to pack their bags especially when the store is busy. Drives me mad.

Yes!

And what about those with health issues especially invisible ones, or those who have to shop with a baby or child? Are they not meant to shop unless they can do so at a speed which you think is the correct one?

I think rude. Your comment was unlikely to make a difference to how fast they progressed, and as you found out, sometimes it has the opposite effect. Even though it probably felt like forever, you were probably only waiting for minutes. Waiting is just tedious and the customers in front are rarely as fast as we think they should be!

This issue is so important that the OP also posted it on Reddit. 😂

I honestly can’t believe how the majority on this thread lacks empathy and understanding for others with a whole host of physical and mental disabilities. I think they think we should return to 1940 and have people with armbands on identifying if they are disabled.

Only read OP's posts.
In all the supermarkets I've been to, there is a single queue leading to the self-).checkout area with multiple stations.

If one person is taking For Ever other checkouts become available.
So, I don't understand how this situation happened.

If I was in a desperate hurry I would ask an shop assistant for help (if the poor bugger wasn't running around trying to serve 12 customers having a mare at the self-checkouts).

I hate people dicking around at the checkout. It's everyone's responsibility to keep things moving.

BUT...

How is paying first going to make them move any quicker? They're still going to dick about, just in a different order.

Yes I’d say that is rude but it depends really how long they were faffing for. If they had already loaded their bags then proceeded to re-arrange them for 5 mins YANBU, but if it was 30 seconds then YABU and just need to be a little more patient.

Yes right. I’m not looking for people to validate my actions or tell me I’m right. I genuinely want to understand whether my behaviour was appropriate in the context of British culture and social norms.
I live here, and I think it’s important to understand the expectations and unwritten rules of the society I’m part of. If my behaviour is generally considered rude or inappropriate by local people, I’d rather know so I can reflect on it and adjust my behaviour in similar situations in the future.
I’m not necessarily looking to change my opinion about what happened, but I am open to reconsidering how I handle things next time.

Yeah you were rude. Its not up to you what pace someone packs their shopping and pays.

I don't understand how other checkouts didn't become available while the faffer was faffing.

Next time just wait patiently with your mouth shut.

It’s not difficult.

It’s crazy ableist on here, In another thread someone was insisting people should wear sunflower lanyards to identify themselves .
why don’t we all just get some compassion and empathy then there’d be so much less need for labels and lanyards

I recall once being behind a couple where the woman decided she'd forgotten something, he carried on packing then holding everyone up as he waited her to return. When she eventually returned with about 4 or 5 things she'd 'forgotten' she looked in the bags and started to berate him for doing it wrong, she then started to unpack and repack before she paid the bill, giving a mouthful to the waiting customers who were glaring at her. One man said to her clearly embarrassed husband 'If I see you in the pub I'll buy you a drink, you deserve it!'.

I’m quite shocked, I thought we had moved on a little as a society. I had to relearn how to walk in my thirties and yet to look at looked healthy and young.

I think there’s a happy medium between doing the stereotypical British response of sighing and glancing at your watch, and essentially telling people to get out of the way because they’re holding you up. Yes, they were inconveniencing you. If your family were with you in the relatively small space available in the self scan area, you were probably inconveniencing someone else by taking up too much room.

I also think that being ‘rude’ has become something you get accused of when you point out that someone else’s bad manners are affecting other people. Nobody wants to be accountable for their own behaviour anymore, so it seems to have become standard to attack rather than apologise. It maybe would have been more polite to ask them if there was any way they could rearrange their shopping after they’d paid, so that you could use the till, but I think any criticism of someone’s behaviour is probably going to result in an argument so, rather than worrying about whether or not it would be rude, it might be better to pick and choose your battles.

That's a very balanced and insightful perspective. Thank you.

I think they were rude making you wait while they fussed with their groceries. They should have paid first and not made everyone wait for them.

Rudeness you would find is very cultural. Some would say yes others no but what do you care? You were not unreasonable. If famine thinks you were rude that’s their problem.

People with no self awareness you won't get anywhere saying something...its so annoying I had someone do this in front of me .. they carried on packing once the cashier had scanned everything just took they're time didnt care big queues behind them.. im more understanding of an elderly person or anything like that but not someone who will deliberately make you wait.

IMO the point of the self check out is to speed things up, so asking them to pay to do exactly that was justified
However, saying “I’m in a hurry” is like a red rag to a bull and will just serve to make stubborn dick heads go even slower.
Some people leave the house with a red mist just waiting for someone to mildly piss them off to give them the excuse to have a rant 🙄

It's not really a British thing to be so direct. You would probably get away with saying it in an apologetic/smiley way, but even then it depends on who you are saying it to - some people react badly to any form of perceived criticism.

If someone flashes me or drives too close behind me in the slow lane I’ll deliberately drive at snails pace to piss them off. Their impatience or inability to plan their time better is not my problem.

You were mildly rude OP.