Am I rude?

[air3296]

I had a slightly awkward experience at the supermarket today and would genuinely like to hear what people in the UK think.
It was around lunchtime on a Saturday, and the supermarket was really busy, with quite a long queue for the self-checkouts.
The person in front of me had a fairly large shop. As they scanned their items, they took their time packing everything into bags, repeatedly hesitating and changing their mind about which items should go where.
I didn’t really mind that, as everyone has their own pace.
However, after scanning all their items, they still didn’t pay. Instead, they continued taking their time rearranging everything in their bags, while occupying the checkout and holding up the queue.
At that point, I said: “Could you please pay first? We’re in a rush.”
I wasn’t asking them to stop packing altogether. I just thought they could pay first and then move aside to finish packing, so the next person could use the checkout.
Now I’m wondering whether what I said was considered rude or impolite by British standards.
What’s the general etiquette at self-checkouts in the UK, especially when the supermarket is really busy? Was I being unreasonable, or was my request perfectly fair?
I’d genuinely appreciate honest opinions, even if you think I was in the wrong.

Because I like to pick my own groceries?

You were a bit, yeah, but I wouldn't worry about it.

You weren’t unreasonable or rude. Not at all.

I find it very irritating when people continue to pack before they pay, particularly if they then start rummaging round in their bag for their purse. I always have my card in my hand when I get to the checkout - it’s not difficult. However, I think you were extremely rude to have spoken to the person in front, and even the way you said it was rude. If someone spoke to me like that Im afraid I would just pack much more slowly.

People like that know exactly what they are doing. It is a sad little power play because they are so utterly powerless in their own lives that is literally the only of power they have. So on the odd occasion it happens to me I just stand there bemused by them. There is nothing you can do and engaging with them over it just has them double down because it proves its working and theyre getting what they need from it then. Best to let it just play out and privately regard them with the pity they deserve.

Depends.

If the slowcoach person in front of you was elderly or disabled then yes, it was rude and disrespectful. Also, depends on the tone in HOW you said it.

If they weren’t elderly or disabled - IMO you were no more, nor less rude than they were. Not everyone has got all the time in the world to do their shopping. If they can’t show any consideration to the person behind them, I wouldn’t loose any sleep on whether they found my directness rude or not. Best case scenario : they reconsider their current packing strategy and schedule and you have helped the next shopper who queues behind them in the future 😀

No, You weren't rude. They were being inconsiderate. HOWEVER this is a perfect example of the sort of thing the British fret and fume about but don't say anything to change it.

Good for you, that you made it clear to this person that they were being inconsiderate.

they were being annoying to be so slow, but it was a bit rude and pointless to say anything as even if they paid you couldn't use the checkout until they'd moved their bags anyway

Oh my goodness!
Were you unreasonable? Not really
Were you rude? Yes, very.
You have no clue why they were sorting their shop the way they were. And then you have a go at them so they are now stressed and think everyone is annoyed and irritated which makes them even slower and so even more stressed and scared of other shoppers.
And you say your family were with you, I hope to goodness you didn't model this behaviour to children.
A bit of kindness and patience would have been better.

I don’t think you were rude, just assertive, which some people take as rude. I think the person on the till would have wanted to say something, but they’re probably not allowed- unless you were in Aldi where they tell people to go faster

i dont think so, but sometimes tone matters in such a situation.
Many people have empathy gaps when it comes to how their actions affect others. I recently experienced a situation on a train where a family (mum and 2 teenage sons) sat at seats with a table and got out a full picnic of smelly egg sandwiches with pickles and kimchi and some stinky cheese. The smell was so awful 3 people nearby asked to move (seats were reserved and train was busy) The family seemed absolutely oblivious that there actions were affecting others.
No one said a word including me. I dont think you were rude but In your situation where you were held up by someone oblivious to those waiting i dont think it ever lands well because they either know what they are doing and dont care about how it impacts you ,theres a sense of entitlement. or they are are just thoughtless and lack empathy.

that would have driven me up the wall - it’s why I like the scan as you go humanless checkouts! Don’t come @ me 🤣

YANBU to find it frustrating

YABU to take that out on them and try to chivvy them up.

I doubt people are often slow just to wind others up, or would speed up if only someone pointed out the error of their ways.

People have a multitude of reasons they might be slow: being tired, having had a stroke, various illnesses like ME or MS, medication or chemotherapy, being old, even grief can make someone slow.

A week after my MIL died , DH and me went to a car boot sale just to get put off the house and take our minds off it all. The woman on the gate was being really chatty and joky and he wasn't responding in the way she wanted. In the end she said to me 'is he always this miserable? ' (rude cow!). I replied 'actually his mum's just died'.

You never know what someone is dealing with. Don't be an arsehole. Its not difficult.

In my opinion no, you weren't rude.

But I also think it's fairly pointless, people who are inconsiderate rarely respond well to being asked not to be so inconsiderate.

I think self scan check outs are the work of the devil though & avoid them at all costs!!

I only very occasionally go into supermarkets as I do my weekly shop with Tesco online where a lovely person brings it straight to my kitchen, but if I do decide to pop in somewhere else, I definitely avoid the self scan!

The only place I know that has the ruthless effieciency tills is Aldi . I shop there once a month and buy multiples of pizza , garlic bread, chicken (for DS) and my cleaning products . So quick to unload , get scanned , into the trolley (bags are open in the trolley) pay , go .

My Dad , in his late 80s , went to his local Aldi with me . I did think "oh this will be a nightmare , he's not quick " but No .
The cashiers chatted and took their time . Other shoppers were patient , many of them elderly too . People greeted each other and there was the "oh you can go before me as you've only got a couple of things" .
It was a lovely experience , he was obviously known there , used to get the bus every week or more to shop.

Different completely to my local .

Yes you were rude.m, by Uk and other standards. You wait until a checkout counter is free. Some people take longer, some people have disabilities, some people can’t do it as fast or as focused as you can. You wait your turn, nobody needs to care that you are in a rush.

Were you hoping to be able to wave the thread in front of your family to say “see, see, I wasn’t being rude!” @air3296 ?

I like Aldi: chuck shopping in trolley, chuck shopping onto conveyor belt, back in trolley, onto bench, pack it, go!

they either know what they are doing and dont care about how it impacts you ,theres a sense of entitlement. or they are are just thoughtless and lack empathy.

Or - they can't help it.

Obviously doesn't go for example like yours where the family were actively choosing to take an action which impacted others. But the OP situation was different. A lot of people know they are being slow, know it impacts others and yet can't help it.

I move slowly due to a disability. I'm neither thoughtless, entitled nor lacking empathy - I do realise that me and my walking aid get in people 's way. Should I just stay at home so I don't inconvenience others?

Yes, rude

And even if they like to pick their own, why do they drag spouse and children with them? Bonkers.

This. I am disabled, and am quite slow when packing my groceries. Someone commenting on that fact, would not make me go any faster, and would cause me some degree of annoyance, as I am not going so slow for fun. I do not go shopping at the weekend, as I know that the shops are very busy then.

I can pretty much guarantee that most of the people who get angry at someone they feel is too slow would also get angry at someone telling them that they were too slow…

You have no idea why people are slower . As I age I know I am not as switched on , find it hard to have wallet ready while packing etc. People should have a little patience for others. Your time will come too you know . How would you like someone to treat your mother or father like that . Your busy life is not others problem.
Very rude and pretty ignorant.

Here is my life advice Op. Just chill the F out about this sort of stuff. yOU never know if that person is having a bad day/ is neurodivergent/ a bit more of a slow mover generally - your life isn't going to cchange because you wait 3 more minutes.

be kind generally and don't stress at strangers over minor things