“Let’s not bother with the small talk today”

[Jausyn]

AIBU to find the above extremely rude? Corporate company, myself and a manager the job level above from elsewhere in the department were the first two to join. I knew they’d been off with holiday and asked how their half term was going. I think that’s such a rude reply. It became clear as the call went on they were trying to catch up with emails etc from their time off, but I felt a bit silly being told that.

If we want to work remotely over teams, the least we can do is put in a bit of work to forge connections

No matter what has been going on in my life I have managed to pull some chat out of the bag on these occasions. And gradually as you get to know people through the conversations it gets easier.

They don’t automatically give a hoot, no. Beyond general human compassion no one intrinsically cares that much about people they don’t really know. But chat is an expression of general human empathy and warmth. Its a way of saying: “I see you as a fellow human who I am sharing time with and I am recognising you for this and extending the potential of a deeper relationship.”

Beyond that, its up to you to build those relationships based on empathy and compatibility if you want to, or just to oil the wheels if you don’t. But you have to start with the basics.

In the absence of more knowledge, “how was your weekend?” isn’t a terrible place to start.

If you then proceed to dump lots of depressing details about your finances and the state of your marriage on someone who barely knows you on a Teams call, of course they are going to shrink from it: they have their own struggles to deal with and they don’t have time for those of a near stranger. Its a bit entitled to expect this in a work meeting.

If you are looking for “sincerity”, work calls are not the right place to look. But there’s a middle ground between deep, soul searching sincerity and stony silence.

A few nuggets of friendly chat are just the first step towards building a relationship. Or, just a more pleasant way to fill the void than saying nothing.

It was rude. It implied criticism, that you were gagging to chit chat. Sometimes I don’t like chit chat but I do camera off until I am ready to join on those occasions.

And they wonder why there is a loneliness epidemic. OP is probably never going to speak again, but she should ignore the rudeness and speak to everyone except that idiot.

The manager was probably busy with important work and understandably irritated by such a banal question.

You are being unreasonable.

I genuinely can’t fathom logging on to a teams call with one colleague and the expectation being you stare at each other in silence. It’s equivalent of walking into a meeting room and blanking someone.
Never in a million years would I think saying did you have a nice half term could be taken badly.
My senior colleague last week said it’s raining heavily here how is it over there (we both were wfh but 2 different towns a good distance apart), I replied same here. My other colleagues then joined call and we did the meeting. No way would I have replied to my colleague let’s not do small talk. Weather/nice weekend/did you have a good holiday all very much a normal pleasantry.
I do read on here about some wfh work places where no one speaks and camera off for meetings it must be so depressing.
If you’ve had a shit half term or weekend and don’t want to reply fine thanks surely you’d just say hectic or busy or same as usual.

I am genuinely appalled at how many people think it was an acceptable thing to say to any colleague let alone a junior member of staff.

No organisation I have worked in would deem that acceptable behaviour

Yes I think that kind of brush off was rude. But I do think, if this person was male, that they are more blunt in general. Sure a woman may say that but more likely would shut it down in a more gentle way, maybe just saying ‘it was a lovely break thank you, now I just need to send this email …’