“Let’s not bother with the small talk today”

[Jausyn]

AIBU to find the above extremely rude? Corporate company, myself and a manager the job level above from elsewhere in the department were the first two to join. I knew they’d been off with holiday and asked how their half term was going. I think that’s such a rude reply. It became clear as the call went on they were trying to catch up with emails etc from their time off, but I felt a bit silly being told that.

Then he needs to work on creating the headspace to reply politely as I'm sure he'd have managed had it been someone he considered important.
I strongly suspect he was performing 'too busy and important for the likes of you' rather than genuinely unable to say 'fine, thanks. How are you?'

How they could have said it police is "do you mind if I go off camera and quickly do something while we wait for others to join us".

How they said it was horribly rude

"There are very good reasons for traditional social rules around etiquette."

What makes you think that constant small talk is a traditional social rule?

I started work 40 years ago and have worked in a number of different industries over that time. Everywhere is different, often even within the same organisation.

For example, I recall when I worked for a very large bank that the atmosphere within departments concerned with data analysis or IT would be very different to that within the marketing department.

Yes, this person does appear to have been quite abrupt but I wouldn't call it rude.

This.

Then an 'all good thanks' wouldve been a much politer short response.

I would LOVE a day where this was true. I was actually excited to open this thread to see if there was a new trend of doing this.

I do small talk because I have to, I do it every day in every meeting. How come I never get one meeting where I can do it my way with no idle chit chat? Why is it always your way?!

Of course you felt silly OP, the arrogant twat swatted you away like an irritating insect.
Of course there are times when people dont really want to talk but there are much politer shorter responses to get messsge across without such rudeness.

No one is talking about “constant small talk” we’re talking about basic social skills and good manners.

You think he'd have answered his boss that way? Or an important client?

Is it really good manners to ask about someone's private life when about to start a business meeting? I don't think so.

She didn't. Asking if someone enjoyed a holiday is a question about their PERSONAL life that is entirely appropriate. Asking if they'd enjoyed a lot of sex on their holiday for example, would be a question about their PRIVATE life, and would be entirely inappropriate.
I do think there's a market for lessons on these things as people seem to have lost the skills and knowledge they once had.

I really don’t see asking how their half term is going is asking about personal life. Did you have a nice half term? It’s in same vein as mentioning the weather.
Don’t want to chat say yes thanks.
My colleagues would reply yes thanks went away to Wales or been on some day trips with the kids. Others would join and meeting start.

He just shut you down. Abrupt - yes. Rude - no.

Rude would have been: 'It's very disruptive when you do this at the start of every meeting.'

It's not business related. It's personal because it's done outside of work and not work related.

But workplace conversations aren’t just strictly business though. In office you’d say did you have a nice weekend etc. A sentence of pleasantry whilst waiting for a meeting to start on teams rather than looking at each other in silence is very normal where I work thankfully.

Ive said things like that in a light hearted way and generally don't cause offense. I'm very jolly at work but known for wanting to get stuck in and save everyone time. If she was curt, not nice. But chit chat is hell for some!

When people say it’s fine and you should say that if you want to, because they don’t like small talk, why should that person get to decide for both people? It’s definitely a power play. If you’re not into power play you try to give and take, if someone asks a polite human question why slap them down? It says more about the responder than op.

Its hardly “constant small talk”.

Its a few seconds polite chat versus being aggressive.

I am absolutely sure you don’t treat all your colleagues and business associates as if they are strangers though, because that would be entirely odd.

Given some of the responses on this thread I am no longer surprised at the number of threads about MNers having trouble with people at work.

Be friendly, be polite, work well with others to get the job done. You are going to spend 30 - 40 years of your life at work, it’s easier if you enjoy it.

Never engaging in anything except strictly business conversations is going to make you lonely and quite dull.

Of course it is.

Its also completely unsustainable if you work in any business which requires direct contact with the public.

If you are a doctor or nurse or teacher or journalist or therapist or flight attendant or hairdresser or personal trainer or work in a cafe or shop or in any kind of call centre role or public relations or any kind of role which requires you to go to people’s homes you won’t last five minutes if you draw this arbitrary line between “work conversations” and “personal conversations”. Pretty much any job in fact apart from one or two deliberately solitary roles.

Its absolutely laughable to claim you shouldn’t talk about anything personal at work.

Of course it’s rude, very ill-mannered and unprofessional.

It's insincere because it forces people to say "yep, great thanks". It really isn't open for anyone to say "actually a bit shit- my kids fought all the time, I spent all my time worrying about the cost of all the activities they wanted to do, and my husband is an idle twat who didn't take a day off over the whole
holiday".

Not everyone has an absolutely fabulous time every weekend and that’s fine, but you can find a way to manage this without trauma dumping.

You can say you are “in the trenches with small children at the moment” without needing to give a window into your marriage.

Again, most people (unless they know you really well) don’t actually care what you did at the weekend, regardless of whether you went snowboarding or had a huge fight with your husband. Its a piece of social theatre which makes the other person feel less like a robot.

On any level op it’s incredibly rude. If he is a manager then I would send a
polire email to that effect - it’s unacceptable. If he is a peer then I would chalk it up to him being an arse and never to anything to help him in future.

people are so weird. Polite, normal human interactions are the social grease that make work a pleasant experience. That kind of comment is wounding but also just rude, and rudeness is unprofessional and needs to be called out.

So the person asking the questions doesn't really give a hoot, and the person answering has to throw out banalities in response? Not sure that makes anyone feel more human. Don't get me wrong- I'm perfectly good at small talk and have to do it all the time at work. But it is a ridiculous pantomime and I often wish I could say what the colleague said to OP. It certainly never makes me feel less of a robot.