“Let’s not bother with the small talk today”

[Jausyn]

AIBU to find the above extremely rude? Corporate company, myself and a manager the job level above from elsewhere in the department were the first two to join. I knew they’d been off with holiday and asked how their half term was going. I think that’s such a rude reply. It became clear as the call went on they were trying to catch up with emails etc from their time off, but I felt a bit silly being told that.

They could simply have answered with, "Very nice, thank you," which is fewer words and far less rude than what they actually said.

Not if they know the OP is a chatterbox - there will be a follow up question

used to drive me mad - even when they could see you and you didn’t look at them

Exactly this. I don’t find small talk particularly enjoyable but that person was being pointlessly rude and unpleasant. I can’t imagine their job is so important that they don’t have time to exchange a few seconds’ chat with colleagues and show a bit of warmth and humanity.

Could be phrased much better but small talk can very easily bleed into the actual meeting. People don’t want to interrupt or cut each other off, anyone joining slightly after then needs to politely smile through another person’s chit chat or catch up and join in or ask a question.

I’m not anti small talk but if you’ve got a small window of time to get a decision from someone senior… you want to be ready to jump straight in without having to finish offf and move away from the holiday topic and avoid every person that joins and catches the end asking “where did you go?”/“what’s this you’re talking about?”

I detest small talk at work. Because of this I make sure to arrive punctually (i.e. not early) for meetings and avoid being caught in communal places where that kind of thing is considered a cultural norm. While it sounds brusque, I would celebrate this as an explicit confirmation that small talk is no longer required, at which announcement I would be over the moon, personally. Provided this person isn’t going to complain when he gets the ‘no small talk’ he’s asked for, then it’s all good imo.

I guess it depends on the context and tone. ‘Oh dear, I’m drowning in work, let’s not do the small talk and jump straight into it’ followed by a friendly laugh might be ok. But I can see how it easily can be rude.

I was on a training course like that. The first half hour of every session was a blow by blow of everyone’s (usually pretty dull) weekends. The trainers would stop the meeting and start cooing every time someone’s kid or cat/dog appeared back of shot. I adore cats and dogs, and don’t dislike kids, but it got really bloody tiresome after a few weeks. I was paying a lot of money for that course and I ended up feeling really resentful.

With the way that everyone sends AI notetakers these days, including ones that don't "join" the meeting, I'd not discuss anything personal at all. You may have been waiting for them to join but they may well still get a full transcript.

I think it's fair enough. I'll often get on with emails while I'm waiting for others to join a meeting. I'd usually switch my camera off and mute myself though to indicate I was doing something else.

I think that both this person and the OP were on an online meeting and waiting for it to start. So that is what they were busy doing.

What is morale like at your company, OP? It may be that this person is just done with pretty much everything and everyone right now - particularly if they had to “quickly jump on a call” during their holiday. Otherwise, yes, they are rude and (possibly) making a point about them being more senior than the OP. Which is quite twatty.

Politeness, courtesy and good manners really have gone out of the window, haven't they?

A lot of people are incredibly rude on MN (if what they say is true) but think it makes them sound brisk and sassy and busier-than-thou.
Unfortunately if makes them look as if they are self-absorbed and rude. That might be considered a positive attribute these days for all I know.
And I don't care what's going on in their lives, yes but, what if etc. Basic manners are a given surely.

I find that so much simpler than asking a question and it being obvious from the reply they can’t be bothered and are placating you. The answer I’d have given would have been a big laugh and a no problem. I’d have happily sat there in silence and made a mental note not to chit chat with that person again.

Yes, it’s rude. It isn’t hard to say “it’s going well thanks, how about you?” Or simply “fine thanks”. It’s basic manners. It is often little daily interactions and small talk that give us a sense of belonging and without any social niceties the world becomes an even lonelier place.

Oh my goodness, not a follow-up question!!!

I think my own problem with small talk is partly its utter insincerity. I’m well aware that when a colleague asks me about my weekend they’re doing it out of social convention rather than genuine interest. I will take steps to avoid these interactions, but I certainly wouldn’t be haughty or disdainful to anyone who did make conversation with me. If someone is in distress, I attempt to comfort them. If someone needs information, or for me to help them, or to move out of their way, I’ll do it if I possibly can. I don’t know if I’m ‘polite’. I think I’m kind, though, which personally I value more. I get that it’s all subjective, though.

I prefer not to talk about my personal life at work, so the person who said that and shut down the random and unnecessary chitchat is my hero or heroine.

Not rude, don't interact until the meeting starts.

Tbh I'd love it if people said that to me

How do you know it’s insincere though? I happen to like most people at work and would genuinely ask them if they had a good weekend or half term. It isn’t a trick question. It’s a way of interacting with somebody that I might be working with every day for years and want to build some kind of a positive relationship with.

This is why I join Teams calls on the dot with colleagues I don't know well.
Not a minute before.

Yes! I was just about to post to say this! I cannot be bothered wiyh chit chat at times, and wish I had the balls to just say it.

I just don’t believe they’re interested, or that they have any obligation to be. I also don’t think they’re obliged (or that they want) to provide me with social connection. I absolutely appreciate that others see this differently, though. Vive la difference.

You mean you wanted to chat about how dark it is now in the evening, or it’s getting chilly and had to put the heating on, or it will be Christmas soon?

This. He was just being horrible. Only on MN do people celebrate this kind of behaviour. And in real life, most people actually value working with people who are nice to each other.

Terrible social skills. If they were busy all they needed to say was 'you'll have to excuse me, I'm trying to get something urgent done, so I'm going on mute till it starts'