“Let’s not bother with the small talk today”

[Jausyn]

AIBU to find the above extremely rude? Corporate company, myself and a manager the job level above from elsewhere in the department were the first two to join. I knew they’d been off with holiday and asked how their half term was going. I think that’s such a rude reply. It became clear as the call went on they were trying to catch up with emails etc from their time off, but I felt a bit silly being told that.

Yes, this would have been a much less antagonistic response.

No 😂 What planet do you live on? It's not normal to start a light conversation or small talk with 'Are you busy?'. And it's not rude to presume that someone would like a little human contact. 🙄

Jesus. People have become so socially illiterate and anti-social in the last few years.

Why wouldn't they just say 'lovely holiday, thanks. I'm going to spend the time before everyone arrives catching up on emails if that's ok, please don't think I'm ignoring you'?

That's what I did recently when I had to join a meeting for a voluntary post I hold which was held over my lunchtime, just apologised for eating and said I'd be cracking on with my marking while we waited.

I am shocked at how many people think this is ok (and also how many think this is a question about whether they like small talk at work! Nobody likes it; that's not the point).

If you join a meeting, from that moment you should be prepared for friendly chit chat before the work chat begins. That is standard workplace etiquette, and shutting down a more junior colleague in this way (rather than saying "sorry just give me a moment; I've got to finish something") suggests very poor judgement / management skills.

To everyone who fell over themselves to quote me, because in the real world, it is rude. Most people with an ounce of social awareness know this. Including, I would guess, those who quoted me.

Let’s not pretend that this person would have been so rude to anyone but an underling.

Most of us who aren’t up for chit-chat have ourselves on mute until the meeting starts.

Incredibly rude and dismissive. If she didn't want to share personal details, she could have replied "fine thanks" or something equally noncommittal.

I think you’re right that there’s a power play involved, actually. I think it’s possible to sympathise with the broader ‘no small talk’ sentiment while also recognising that this person was probably antagonistic and unprofessional.

Correct. Combine that with competitive busyness and self-importance and you have a killing combo.
This is supposed to be progress.

Sorry but its rude and short sighted. Everyone comes to work not to chat but the reality is companies are comprised of people and getting companies to work effectively requires a certain level of communication and morale.

Of course people aren’t interested in what their colleagues get up to at weekends but expressing basic interest is social theatre: its part of the social currency of life. If you signal to peers that they have no time for any discussion that is not transactional you are basically saying “you have no value to me.” That massively depletes morale and therefore willingness to work with other people.

For some reason this kind of social isolation and standoffishness has become very fashionable at the moment but people are being naive if they fail to understand that to do a job you have to show basic courtesy and emotional intelligence.

I’d be delighted if every meeting started with someone saying that! Bloody delighted!

It’s such a bloody drag going through the whole “ how was your weekend?” “ how are you?” When they have absolutely zero interest in any of the answers.
Honestly, it would make me smile inside.

I agree with this, and I agree with pp who said that this person probably wouldn't have said something like that to a more senior person.

You wouldn't walk into a meeting room of real people and sit in complete silence until the chair starts speaking, or say 'lets not do small talk,' so why people think this is acceptable in a virtual meeting baffles me.

Yes, it was rude, OP.

Rude and lazy. Most people who say things like that are on their phones.

Surely you just reply with 'fine thanks' then start talking about work stuff if you want to move the convo away from the chit chat. If the actual meeting hasn't started you could simply say 'fine thanks, you?' then just pretend to listen to the person who might have wanted to share what they did. It's simple politeness and doesn't take much effort I don't think.

This is a good rule and yes it was massively rude bc it’s just as easy to say politely, “holiday was great thx but need to attend to my bursting in-box ” or something similar?

The way your manager said it op, it sounded like a deliberate put down or power play. The best way to deal with this is to sit up tall, look them in the eye and reply “noted” in a deliberately slow and snarky voice, as though you have made a judgement about them.

To be honest, I was going to say kind of the same thing and kind of the opposite thing: that this is the way we're headed with AI - with being urged to 'summarise' emails and presentations. It's basically a way of taking any humanity out of the equation and sticking purely to facts... which I get the idea of, and people who waffle and haver incessantly are challenging; but I don't think it's the kind of world I would personally prefer to live in.

People frame it as respect, but a lot of it's just self-importance and even narcissism. That, and the fact that we don't teach people to say no, and accept no politely in British society.

That's part of the reason, along with heightened neuroticism, is why people in today's workplace get so flustered by someone have the absolute audacity to call a colleague without sending them and agenda first. It used to be that if you called someone and they didn't want to, or couldn't answer, they just didn't answer and then you either left a message, or they called you back or you tried again. There's no need to take a Xanax for it, but in today's environment, people consider it a sin. This is the case even if you call staff that are meant to respond to queries by phone - I feel like I need to apologise for even breathing.

Yeah, that's rude. It takes seconds to go "not too bad thanks, shall we look at those figures from last quarter?" or "pretty quiet, did you have a good one? Great, are we still waiting for Keith or do you want me to pull up the marketing plan?" or "I used the leave for some redecorating so I've had better but at least it's done now. Here's the agenda Kath shared yesterday."

People really have lost the art of peopling haven't they

Mumsnet why did you hide my message???

They have until they expect comfort from someone who actually has some social skills. Then they're quite happy to be the benefactor of them.

I'd say it's more blunt than rude.

I'd be grateful for the request of no small talk, to be honest. I hate chit chat, and my heart sinks when I'm the first one to join a Teams call. As a pp said, if I'm first, I turn off my camera and mic to avoid any awkwardness.

I wonder if it's an AI thing? I've noticed this a few times over the last couple of weeks - random posts getting hidden immediately.

There is a thread on the Holidays board about travelling to Japan and a couple of different posts there have been immediately hidden and then only later reinstated when it appears that an actual person has had a look.

Surely its quicker to say 'good thanks'.
If they are catching up with emails until the meeting starts formally / everyone else joins, they can just join but keep their camera and mic off until they're ready to speak
Also transcription shouldn't start until the meeting starts properly/ AI summary of transcript should exclude small talk.

So yes I think it was rude. There are ways of dealing with being too busy to talk without being rude.

It reminds me of my late mum. She was not a people person - I distinctly remember laughing at her fury when she was reprimanded for repeatedly getting out her laptop and doing other work in the middle of client meetings if it had gone on too long, to waffling or moved into corporate chit chat... She genuinely couldn't understand how it could be seen as rude and felt she was maximising her use of time and any clients should be happy to see her not wasting working hours.

To be fair to her, she was brilliant at her job. They let her get away with all sorts of mad things in regard to her frankly antisocial attitude towards the rest of humanity because she was so brilliant in her role. She was just kept away from people who weren't used to her wherever possible, so they didn't complain. Maybe this person is the same? It's pretty rude, but then some people are. It doesn't really matter a lot of the time though. I'd favour a work environment with a tiny bit of chat but 99% work focused: I'd prefer no chat at all to it peppering my entire day.

Still, perhaps I come across like an arse at work too...

I just say "sorry, back in a minute" and switch my camera off until the meeting starts. Small talk is a waste of my time, I can't be bothered with it, I wish people would just stop. I don't want anyone to bring their whole selves to work fgs 🙄

I’d have laughed and said “are we skipping manners too?”

It’s interesting that so many say they hate small talk or it’s insincere.

Smalltalk has a purpose, it’s how we build connections with people we don’t know well. It is far easier to work with someone you have built a personal rapport with (and no, you don’t have to tell me all your business, but “thanks it was lovely” is hardly top secret.)

Social skills are really important. Getting on with your colleagues makes work easier, more efficient and more productive.

I don’t quite understand why people think asking after your weekend or holiday is insincere? If I ask, I am actually interested. It’s to my benefit if my colleagues are happy and well rested.