Should I mention parents in my speech to keep the peace?

[snackadoo]

Will try not to drip feed but also keep things short for ease!

I do not have the best relationship with my parents. To put it bluntly they have never prioritised me in life and have made lots of mistakes that they refuse to acknowledge. Where they have failed, their own parents (my lovely grandparents) stepped up. They have done their best to fill in where they shouldn’t have had to and are truly my hero’s.

I am on okay terms with my parents, we speak semi regularly and when I do see them it’s fine. But we’re definitely not close and things are tense at times.

I am due to get married soon (yay!) and am doing a speech which I’m very excited for.

obviously the broad content of the speech is about my lovely soon to be husband and our relationship. However, I’d really like to ‘shout out’ my family and in particular my grandparents, as they’re not often thought of as being so important and I really want everyone to know how much they mean to me and how grateful I am!

the issue lies that if I mention my grandparents and do not mention my parents then my parents will, for want of a better phrase, see their arse. They won’t say anything on the day, they wouldn’t be willing to kick off in public, but would absolutely moan after about how mean it was and how I hurt their feelings.

I therefore don’t know if I should also mention them to keep the peace and avoid the hassle? But equally, they don’t deserve to be mentioned and I want to celebrate my special people and not them!

my AIBU is really, AIBU to not mention them in the speech and then just ignore their complaining afterwards?

or should I be the bigger person and say something for them to avoid conflict and make them happy?

@snackadoo how are your siblings? Do they have much of a relationship with dps?

Thank goodness for those grandparents.

What about the FotB speech and the father-daughter dance? Or maybe those aren't wedding things on your side of the pond?

BTW--I really admire how you are leading with grace instead of nastiness, though they deserve the latter

I was going to say to mention them to keep the peace but after reading this - absolutely not, they’re lucky that they got an invite !

What do your parents or grandparents have to do with your wedding (if you paid for it yourself). What are you thanking them for?

I’d at a push thank them for welcoming your husband to the family like the previous poster did but they wouldn’t be getting more than that. I’ll be in the same boat one day and absolutely will not be bowing down to any of my mothers requests, I don’t have a dad she’d probably assume my stepdad will ‘give me away’ but that also won’t be happening. If my partner pulls his finger out and puts a ring on it while my grandads still in reasonable health he’ll be giving me away. If we’re too late it’ll be my son, it’s a boat that I will absolutely rock on our day.

I agree you shouldn’t mention them in your speech and should just mention your GPs and not your parents.

However I agree with many others saying your parents were abuse and negligent, not just a bit crap. I think the healthiest thing would be no contact at all, as they are clearly using the continued contact with to continue the abuse, eg the promise to pay for the wedding dress then visibly (to you) spending it on a holiday for themselves.

It feels like they feed off abusing you and continue to enjoy this.

I know you love your GPs and they have done a lot for you, but if they are causing you to continue a relationship with these people then they are part of the problem, as pps have said.

I would use the wedding as a time to take stock and end the relationship with your parents.