To think it’s obvious which children don’t attend nursery?

[Omgshesaidthat]

I met up with a group of mum friends yesterday and it just got me thinking how to me it’s so obvious when a child doesn’t go to nursery.

From the group, only one mum didn’t go back to work after her maternity leave - at the time I felt quite envious but seeing her boy compared to the rest of the group now they are all 2 has made me think that I’m not actually so sure that being at home is such a good thing.

For example he’s not potty trained yet whereas the rest of the group are well on their way or totally dry and his speech is nowhere near as good as the others - even with things like numbers & alphabet, DD is parroting it all back to me whereas this little boy isn’t yet.

We did an organised activity and all the other children in the group sat nicely & listened and then participated whereas my friend’s boy just did his own thing the whole time.

My friend is a good mum and she does take him to playgroup and sets up little activities for him at home so it’s not like he’s just sat doing nothing all day. But it just felt quite apparent that you can’t recreate that nursery setting at home and the impact of children being in that environment and surrounded by other children is huge for their development.

Mine didn't go to any kind of childcare setting until they went to a school nursery at "rising 4"

All potty trained by 2.5, all lovely children. Those who have done SATs have got greater depths across the board. Plenty of friends.

I think your point also gets the cause and effect the wrong way round for some. My DD1 (now 15) stayed at home partly because she wasn't actually ready to be apart from me at 1 or 2. I think sometimes when people say a kid who has had a SAHP "so they are shy" ignore that often the SAHP has been responding to the DC rather than the other way round.

My two went to full time nursery, I don't think anything they learned at nursery can not be learned at a later date, some people think that under school age children should be just playing and not have to focus on things like alphabets etc. Both of mine went to full time nursery, one loved reading and could read before starting school, the other decided he hated reading and outright refused to learn to read until year 2, when he decided he did want to read and did all the levels to free reader in one year from only just about being able to read the word cat. They both went to full time nursery and both had the same parenting. I do think the potty training is important before starting school, this is for practical reasons.

Loads of 2 year olds in nursery aren't potty trained and have speech delays.

All of the studies that I have seen show a greater nuance in the results. Where there are some benefits but there are also negatives too. And a lot of the benefits vary depending on the actual childcare setting you use and the quality of the setting, staff etc.

I think he sounds a lot like my boy at two (he started nursery at 12 months). Ironically I would go out with my friend (who was a SAHM) with a girl the same age and think nursery was stunting his progress as her girl was much more advanced.

I think by school age you can tell which ones have attended nursery ( they will typically adapt more easily to that environment) but at two I think the massive variety in their development is normal. Most people I know who work with children say the all even our between 3-4 in terms of speech etc.

Sorry but this is nonsense. Actually in my daughter's class, the kids that were at nursery were the worst behaved and 'behind'. I am smart enough to know this isn't generalizable to all children who have been to nursery.

Oh, a "my kids are so much better than yours" thread. Yawn. I mean, all this post really tells me is that you haven't a single clue how child development works at all. Maybe work on that.

I agree.

Its even more noticeable when they start school.

Yeah, no. My son didn’t go to nursery and was talking in full sentences, counting (not just parroting numbers), identifying letter sounds, toilet trained and sitting and playing nicely before the age of two. He was reading by the time he started preschool at 3 and half. So, your sample size of one is completely contradicted by my sample size of one! (Actually 2, because my younger son was the same.) This is no more my achievement than it would have been nursery’s achievement if he had been there - it’s just him and who he is and how well he learns. With the people I know who send their children to nursery, toilet training is incredibly difficult to get them to support properly, whereas it was much easier for me to be consistent with.

There’s lots of research that shows until st least the age of two the best thing for development is being cared for by a caregiver who has a secure attachment to the child. It is only after age two (possibly three, I can’t remember which) that group childcare is beneficial for a child. I say that as a parent who has one child who attended nursery from 20 months and another who didn’t go to preschool until age 3.5 due to Covid. As long as a child is socialising and well looked after nursery has very little impact on development.

Ugh. You're one of those mums. My sisters and I were lucky enough, to have mum at home with us, until I was 10. We're all successful, we were dry at a year old(Terry nappies) we went to play school, only, not nursery. Children develop at different stages.

Is this your first? Enjoy your smugness whilst you can cos you might find your world view changes at some point.

My SIL and her partner were terribly smug about the fact that their oldest was such a genius at a young age, especially compared to our child that has SEND. It was properly shoved down our throats. Roll forward a few years and they now have a child with real issues compared to our youngest who at the same age just gets on with it all without issue.

We rise above it on the one hand by not making comparisons or equally boasting on family WhatsApp groups. However, it does make me mildly consider that people like them, and you, might damn well deserve to reap what they sow if their parenting journey isn't perfect the whole way through

My youngest DD didn't talk until she was two and she was in nursery 4: mornings a, week from 8 months so I don't think your theory holds up. My eldest was similar and didn't potty train until she was 2.5.
These kids are 2! Is it possible you are just focusing on this child to make yourself feel secure about your parenting choices because that's what it sounds like.
You'll be pleased to know both my DDs are fully verbal and potty trained ( at 18 and 20) so I can honestly say starting late hasn't affected them at all.
Might be the case that this time next year your friends little boy will be miles ahead with his development.

This is nonsense. I was a stay at home mum and my dc were very articulate for their age when starting school. They also had all the appropriate skills , learned at home.
They attended weekly forest school sessions and science club, twice weekly swimming and endless day trips in their first 5 years.
A good Nursery can be fantastic and the only choice for many. But it’s not comparable to the one to one attention of a good family member.

He sounds like he may be autistic
But too early to know with the speech delay and lack of interest in other kids.

Some sen kids dont cope with nursey or toddler groups so dont go.
i was at home with both mine and they could speak amazing by 18m but behaviour was an issue (sen). 1 could read chapter books before age 5.
Generally i dont think nursery too young is good for speech

The quality of childcare generally is so variable - I am currently at home with my 20 month old and we go to lots of parks/libraries/children's museums, so see a lot of nursery trips and childminders out with their charges. I've seen childminders sitting on their phones and ignoring their kid completely and I've seen wonderfully engaged and affectionate childminders who I would be delighted to have looking after my child. Last week we saw two nursery workers (I know the nursery) with six two-ish year olds at a children's museum - they took them around and took photographs with the children at various stations, but otherwise barely interacted. Lunch was completely silent - they helped the children with their food but did not offer any conversation or communication. On the flip side, I've also seen incredibly devoted nursery workers. And parents are exactly the same - some make more effort than others.

I imagine it is obvious, in that the nursery kids will be familiar with routine, and presumably navigating relationships with their peers. But there will be benefits to being looked after at home too, which might not be as immediately obvious. You are also disregarding the chance that the kids vary by nature rather than nurture. But ultimately yes, I think there will be differences, some positive, some not.

I think it just goes to show that you cant beat parenting- with a couple of close care givers who give Love, attention and boundaries to their children.
My friend also thinks that the rise in giving children phones/tablets etc to play with has had a big impact on behaviour.
How often does one go out these days and see children on phones/tablets etc, well actually adults not talking or engaging with the people that are 'present'.
Might I add the school she works at is in a 'nice' area.

We looked at a hard to get into private school for our DS and there was a "did your child go to nursery/preschool" box on the form. They also had a verbal section saying that they almost always required it.

I know BBG triplets. At this age the girl was fully toilet trained, could sing nursery rhymes and have a full conversation with you but the boys were nowhere near this.

They all ended up being able to use the toilet and talk though. All kids develop differently even if in the same environment.

Very few children don't attend any type of nursery/pre-school by the time they start school, so those that haven't do often stand out, but the OP is talking about nursery as childcare for babies/toddlers.

Maybe the child has a delay or there's a development issue. DS went to nursery, he had a speech delay and toilet trained late.

YABU and judgey. His development could have nothing at all to do with not being in nursery.

How do you measure it if a child is in nursery part time?

Congrats on feeling smug about having a more advanced child I guess?

Yabu and it sounds like you feel the need to justify going back to work and feelings of guilt around this.
2 year olds learn at different paces. I have worked in reception classes and not always but there is usually a marked difference between boys and girls in readiness for school. It is also easy to see which children have attended pre school nursery settings but I've never heard anyone comment on a baby being advanced through going to full time nursery from a young age

There's no right and no wrong way. Some kids go to nursery at a young age and aren't potty trained at 2, or have alot of language. My son went at 3 and his speech has always been miles ahead of many of his peers. Some kids thrived some kids survive nursery. Some kids aren't at nursery and don't come on as fast, but it levels out at school.

Basically, there's no right way of doing it and using examples you see of kids seemingly behind doesn't then raise your decision to send kids to nursery to the standard right way. Just enjoy ehat your kid can do.