To think it’s obvious which children don’t attend nursery?

[Omgshesaidthat]

I met up with a group of mum friends yesterday and it just got me thinking how to me it’s so obvious when a child doesn’t go to nursery.

From the group, only one mum didn’t go back to work after her maternity leave - at the time I felt quite envious but seeing her boy compared to the rest of the group now they are all 2 has made me think that I’m not actually so sure that being at home is such a good thing.

For example he’s not potty trained yet whereas the rest of the group are well on their way or totally dry and his speech is nowhere near as good as the others - even with things like numbers & alphabet, DD is parroting it all back to me whereas this little boy isn’t yet.

We did an organised activity and all the other children in the group sat nicely & listened and then participated whereas my friend’s boy just did his own thing the whole time.

My friend is a good mum and she does take him to playgroup and sets up little activities for him at home so it’s not like he’s just sat doing nothing all day. But it just felt quite apparent that you can’t recreate that nursery setting at home and the impact of children being in that environment and surrounded by other children is huge for their development.

Parroting back numbers and the alphabet at the age of 2 means approximately zero. It doesn’t demonstrate any understanding. Children not being potty trained at 2 is also within the spectrum of normal.

And neither of mine went to nursery, they went to a CM and then preschool. They were both toilet trained within a reasonable time frame, one is now doing a maths degree and the other studying architecture

I do agree with you but YABU to make a judgement based on 1 kid. And also reads mum shaming. Imagine if she read your post she’d be so upset

Just how they are in the setting. How they interact with other children and with adults, how well they play and share, how well they can listen and follow routines and boundaries. My experience is that children who went to nursery do have a slight edge over the children who didn’t when starting school - however i would say that there is no difference on when they start. If they spend a year from 3 or start in the baby room has no advantage!

Hilarious! I'm sorry but you can't base this on one child. Having worked in a preschool for ten years and having seen hundreds of kids, I could often but not always tell the children who had been in a day nursery until joining us age three compared to being at a child minders or looked after by parents and grandparents. And by age three the nursery since young kids often behaved worse than the other kids as they had learnt to fight for themselves. They often craved adult attention a lot more good or bad.

But again this isn't all children just an average.

Don't justify your choices by having a go at someone elses

I can see it making a difference for being used to sitting in groups and following certain instructions like they do in nursery and then school but I get annoyed when people assume things such as lack of language or delay is down to the parents. In some neglect cases I’m sure it is but some children would be delayed no matter what. Also you’re judging a single boy against a group with some girls who in general develop language faster.

Don't count your chickens.....these kids are 2. Come back to me when they're 18. If the non nursery kids are still behind somehow then I might agree with you. For now, I think you're being ridiculously judgy.

What’s wrong with a 2 year old being like a baby? He is a baby!!

I’d argue that children don’t need nursery until they are 3. Before then, it’s best for them to be with a secure adult to build healthy attachment for good brain development rather them having to fight for attention and be in the chaos of a nursery setting at such a young age. Having someone else take care of potty training for you and having kids bleat the alphabet back to you are all superficial things.

You gotta do what you gotta do, if you need nursery then fine, if you want to be at home, fine! I just think you are wrong to make comparisons.

You are being unreasonable to jump to a conclusion using anecdotal evidence which can be used to prove anything.
My experience is the opposite of yours. My three GC didn't go to nursery untill they were 3 and then only part time. They were all way ahead of their peers speech wise. Speaking confidently in full sentences before they were two. And they all love books and learned to read by the time they were four. They are all extremely creative, sociable confident and well rounded individuals.
All children are different DN develop at different rates and unless you do a properly researched survey neither my experience or yours proves anything

That depends on what you do or don't do with them at home before starting school.
Mine didnt attend nursery but they were either with me/husband or their grandparents.
They were actually more advanced than other children as they had been having consistent 1-2-1 time with invested/engaged adults doing interesting stuff, reading, learning colours/numbers/spelling and generally not stuck in front of a TV screen all day.
And they didnt turn up in nappies.

my third child has just turned 2 and hasn’t been to nursery like his older brothers. He’s the most advanced out of the lot- using the parameters you’ve discussed, he’s potty trained day and night the earliest at 20months. Full of chat, conversation and huge vocabulary. I think all the adult 1:1 time vs an institutional setting has been so good for him, and I wish I had been able to stay with the others for a few years aswell.

But it just felt quite apparent that you can’t recreate that nursery setting at home

Please explain why you’d want to. Paid childcare is an alternative to a child being cared for by parents or relatives in their own home. It’s a substitute. It’s loud and structured and full on and there are loads of similar aged babies and children being cared for by a few adults. Why would you want a home to be like that?

It’s an idea that’s promoted by nappy manufacturers. Most children can start learning to use a potty from 18 months, if not younger, waiting until they are ‘ready’ at 3 or 4 is just done to sell more nappies.

I have had 1 boy go to nursery full time, struggles sitting still struggled with potty training and speech
and one I stayed at home with until he went to school academically great potty trained at 18months can happily sit still and do activities

I think it depends on the child as opposed to nursery or not.

There can be reasons for a speech delay. Boys can be lazy or it can be undiagnosed Sen. You are kind of blaming this mum for his speech delay. YABU.

Unless there are special needs everyone ends up toilet trained, and being able to talk and able to sit and do an activity. I can’t see an advantage to being able to do that ‘early’ really.

Nursery probably does make children build certain skills a little faster but I wouldn’t say that’s better it’s just different.

@Omgshesaidthatwhat a rage bait OP.

There is lots of research that states that there are no additional benefits for a child to go to nursery, it isn’t detrimental either for them to go under 3. Basically it’s neither better or worse to keep them at home.

You don’t sound confident in your parenting choice.

My daughter didn’t go to nursery until
she was 3. Her speech was ahead and she is ahead at school. I chose to work shifts and reduce my work hours and my husband works compressed hours to save on paid childcare. All children develop at different rates!!

My own Father 93yrs, could read @ 2, he taught himself from writing on cornflakes packet….
not even sure there were nursery schools back when he was little but his parents were not well off so would never have taken him to such a place.
He’s autistic! from startling beginnings, not everything can stay so perfect.

Should mums feel guilty about staying at home with their kids then because they can’t afford nursery or childcare?

To be honest I have noticed the opposite in my group of friends which is making me delay my second daughter’s nursery start by a further year as I have my youngest at home
with me anyway. Their kids aren’t talking yet and I am shocked at how it is so common. In fact they seem very unresponsive and withdrawn I keep googling what is going on out of fear as it can’t be a coincidence.

When my first went to nursery she was 3 at the time and there were so many kids still in nappies I remember being surprised.
She was also was a chatterbox and had no nappy by 2. Second is at this stage currently, very loud and fierce.

You’re being unreasonable and goady. And wildly unscientific. A sample size of one tells you literally nothing. And pretty unkind to go bitching online about the child of one of your friends.

I speak as someone whose kid was in nursery from the age of one.

Children needs lots of input from lots of people and this is the “village” we often talk about. In modern life, that village is often paid-up childcare. If it’s not that and they’re with a SAHM, it will be a small circle; their siblings and their parents. Yes, even if they go to every Toddler Dance Club going.

I often wish I’d been the stay at home mum, but I wasn’t. If I had been, my kids would have been fairly isolated in terms of the number of people they had daily contact with and who influenced their language and development. I certainly don’t have a lovely big extended family of grandmas and aunts and sisters around 24/7.

As it stands, my kids were influenced by nursery nurses and pre school staff and other attendees, whom they had near daily contact with. This isn’t better or worse, it’s just a fact of modern life.

As long as your friend’s pre school children are cared for and fed and looked after properly, try not to get into the nitty gritty of words and potty training.

Oh, I agree. Hence why I said that if the mum feels guilty then she certainly shouldn't.

A friend of mine is a Primary Head and she says when they first start school it’s usually obvious which did and didn’t go to nursery but within a short space of time you can’t tell.

So it doesn’t matter.

As for the arrogant and judgemental parents, I suspect that lasts a lot longer.

You are literally here judging this child and this mother! 🙄