To think it’s obvious which children don’t attend nursery?

[Omgshesaidthat]

I met up with a group of mum friends yesterday and it just got me thinking how to me it’s so obvious when a child doesn’t go to nursery.

From the group, only one mum didn’t go back to work after her maternity leave - at the time I felt quite envious but seeing her boy compared to the rest of the group now they are all 2 has made me think that I’m not actually so sure that being at home is such a good thing.

For example he’s not potty trained yet whereas the rest of the group are well on their way or totally dry and his speech is nowhere near as good as the others - even with things like numbers & alphabet, DD is parroting it all back to me whereas this little boy isn’t yet.

We did an organised activity and all the other children in the group sat nicely & listened and then participated whereas my friend’s boy just did his own thing the whole time.

My friend is a good mum and she does take him to playgroup and sets up little activities for him at home so it’s not like he’s just sat doing nothing all day. But it just felt quite apparent that you can’t recreate that nursery setting at home and the impact of children being in that environment and surrounded by other children is huge for their development.

You sound insufferably smug.

I never went to nursery but could read really well before I started school.

Yab ridiculous

Just because your child parrots the alphabet back at you, it doesn't mean they actually understand what they are saying at all. They are just copying sounds.

It's ridiculous and cruel to compare 2 year olds. There are huge extremes in child development at this age. It would be fairer to compare at 3/4 years.

Having worked in childcare I know of many children that have benefitted from nursery and also many children that have not benefitted and just become lost in the system.

One of my dc was reading properly by 3, she didn’t go to nursery .(did go to preschool pt from 3) the other one was a lot slower, dyslexic. Both my dc sat happily listening to instructions at 2 and unlike many dc apparently, both mine sat at the table properly for meals from 6 months and we had no restaurant problems! Every dc is different

This. In spades. Which is a lesson that’s quite hard for me to learn as someone who was academic in school and just assumed my kids would be.

I found the exact opposite tbh. In my experience, a child at home one-to-one with an engaged mother tends to be far ahead in terms of speech and language in particular.

I felt I could tell the kids who'd been full time at busy nurseries since 9/12 months because they tended to be more pushy/grabby, and generally more disengaged with adults.

Bet it's breezy up there on your pedestal at the moment!

YABU!

Every child development stuy has shown that children are better of with a healthy primary carer until 3/3.5years of age.

Childcare before that only benefits the adults- and child in that they have a roof over their heads!

So yes you can see the difference but the opposite to your assumption.

It's absolutely no suprise to me that none of the 5+ nursery workers i know have put their own child into one. Your child will be more institutionalised and less engaged with so yes will probably sit for longer/ better.

What is this new thing with delaying potty training. ? Heard the other day from one of daughters friends that 3.5 year old hasn’t begun training yet as ‘she hasn’t asked and we are lead by baby’ … wtf.. if I had been ‘lead by baby’ my eldest would still be in nappies at 31 🙈

My child has been in nursery since 8 months old and I could not agree less. It's entirely changeable to the child and the parent, you can't just compare one child and assume everyone is the same.

I have SAH friends who's kids excel with pre-school learning. One who's child has never stepped foot in a nursery and her child is hitting the milestones wonderfully. Another who's child is in nursery as much as mine and at the age of nearly 4, her speech is "behind".

Different children develop at different stages. That is not that hard to grasp.

In my experience the exact opposite is true

YABU - it’s impossible to know that those differences are caused by him not going to nursery - you’ve made a huge leap in what I’m guessing is an attempt to shut up your guilt at working and putting your own child in nursery - and yes my kids did go to nursery while I worked .
Kids are all different and developed at different rates.

Agreed, and the amount of parents that expect nursery to potty train their dcs is staggering. Op you've missed that one.

You could even say the nursery babies are just institutionalised earlier

The biggest difference id expect is fir them to have to learn to sit fir long periods of time, hang their coats in a leg etc…
Basically theyve learnt a certain way of behaving in a group setting.
So yes I’m sure teachers are noticing agd finding the ones who went to nursery much easier.

After that? Nursery or not, Theyre not going to kearn more quickly. Theyre not going to mature more quickly etc….

@Omgshesaidthat I really hope that what you’re noticing isn’t actually due for example to some SN. Because imagine how judgemental twat you’d look!

My two both went to nursery from 10 months. DC1 was very articulate at 2, and could do basic addition and subtraction. However, at that age he did 0 sitting-nicely-and-joining-in activities and to be honest still wouldn't really at 4 when his friends starting having birthday party entertainers.

DC2 is a completely normal 2 year old but he is significantly less articulate and biddable than his same-age cousin who does not go to nursery. He can count up to 14ish (and actually count how many items there are rather than just reciting to about 10) but does not find the alphabet very inspiring. He is also far less interested in listening to stories than his older sibling, which is how I realised that there's no point being smug about providing your children with a house full of books because you're such an amazing parent (which I obvs thought the first time round).

I'm 68. NOBODY I went to school with attended nursery (there wasn't one in my village) and we all had stay st home mums. We were all potty trained and some of us could read by the time we started school in the term in which we'd be FIVE (I'm a June baby, so started school after Easter). I could read and write as a result of one-to-one tuition from my mother.

It all depends on what, exactly, happens at home if children are with mum all the time before starting school.

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I didn’t dare putting it like this. But yes.

Does it mean Theres no need for children to learn to sit still or how to behave in a group? Of course not.
But there are many ways to learn that.

I’m assuming this is your first child? Many of us think the way our children are is much more attributable to what we have done, until we have more children and learn that the child’s temperament has a far greater bearing than we realise. Plenty children who haven’t been at nursery will sit nicely like you describe, and plenty who have won’t. I think you just had some envy of her situation as youve admitted, and as a result you’re trying to reassure yourself why your scenario is ‘better’. YABU.

Exactly, the mum may feel that her dc isn't quite ready to go due to some difficulties. Op stop being so judgemental.
Oh and if you decide to have another, I bet they'll be the polar opposite. You can reap what you sew. Those that shout the loudest...

Must say I wasn’t convinced until I saw how much the Gdcs enjoyed it - plus the social skills, learning to take turns and share. And so many activities it wouldn’t be so easy to offer at home. Forest school was just one!

Absolute bollocks. DD wasn't potty trained at 2 and pretty average in terms of speech and other developmental milestones and she'd been at nursery for a year. By secondary school she was absolutely flying socially and academically. Nursery/ childminder/ SAHM makes not one jot of difference in the long run.

Your anecdote is not evidence of anything, however there’s a reason why the government fund preschool childcare and it’s because on average those children do better. As proven by their own proper research.

My dc was in nursery since age 8 months but was behind on most milestones (particularly speech and potty training) later found out they have SEN. So you really are massively mistaking correlation with causation here

What a horrible judgey post - despite your protestations to the contrary 🙄
You met, and are exampling, 1 child who, in your opinion, is behind in your small circle of friends 🤨

Go back 10 years and most children didn’t start nursery until school nursery, aged 3 .. those that came from private care nursery’s/child minders due to parents working, tended to be the most bullyish, bratty natured kids in school. 🤷‍♀️

Things change over the years .. stop being so horribly judgmental towards others. You’ll likely look back and be very sad that you were unable to spend your child’s precious first years with them 24/7. Oh how much you have missed out on.