Boyfriend watching porm every day!

[GodHelpMeImStressed]

Posting here for traffic, not sure if im blowing this out of proportion in my mind.

For context, he and I have been together 2 years. We are soon moving in together as a blended family. He has 2 kids, and i have 2 of my own.

We've always been very open about sex, whether together or solo, and i knew he wanted a lot but yesterday he mentioned about watching porn every morning. I was shocked, horrified even. I dont mind porn, I watch it myself sometimes which he is aware of and he had given me the impression he watching it 'sometimes' too. But every day?!

So everyday morning while my first thought is of him and message him good morning, his first thought is to seek sexual gratification from other women. Same in the evening I guess. I thought his horniness was something to do with me, or our relationship (how silly), but in fact its just because I have a hole. He doesn't seem to understand the issue that he gets off more frequently on other women than me, the one whose been working this arse off to buy our new house. He thinks im hurt, im not, im disappointed and kind of disgusted.

Am I being OTT?

Thank you. Ive come back to my own place and will have a few days to myself.

Wow lots of incoreect assumptions there. Tell me, is it regular conversation forever you to ask your male friends how often they watch porn? No, didnt think so ;)

Ah yes, maybe this thread is a work of fiction.

OP, there is no objective index of ‘being over the top’ in a situation like this. The only valid factor is how YOU feel about it.

And it disgusts you.

It would me, too.

Ugh the mindless consumption of porn every day.

And if you’re there every day will you be expected to ignore it and let him get on with it? Or replace the porn just to give him his fix?

I would be re-thinking

It would put me off too, OP.

Well done for not blindly entangling yourself further, financially and emotionally, in the hopes it will get better.

No but a partner who you know watches it? I’d have been finding out exactly how much.

He seems to think i was aware and ok with it, which is laughable. He is very apologetic and said he will stop, but from my perspective the damage is done. And while I have always trusted him, I dont know if I believe it can just stop. Something has broken. Ill make my decisions independant of what he says/does.

This is the thing, it was definitely a conversation that led me to believe it was occasional. Occasional can mean different things to different people, but surely occasional does not mean every day or even close to it.

You are not acting OTT.
You are right to be utterly disgusted and disappointed.
Sink your hard earned savings into a home for yourself.
Living with someone you no longer respect is a very grim idea. Your children deserve a porn free home.

That’s quite an assumption!

Do not insinuate my children are exposed to this. I have 50-50 custody and free time to do as I please.

I'm not a watcher of porn but do men really use it as a substitute for sex or use it to watch women being controlled and violated in an 'acceptable' forum as that is what they enjoy?

I didn't.

I simply answered the previous poster's reply.

Oh dear. Well, better that you find out now he’s a rotten egg, rather than after he’s embedded himself further into your life, your home and, more to the point, that of your children too. I think two years is a bit quick personally to be moving in when there’s children involved. I’ve certainly found that the 2/2.5 year mark is where it’s really make or break, you find out the ‘no good’ points there ime. It would be a done deal for me, personally, end of relationship.

I watch porn and don’t mind if my DP watches it.

However, every day is not normal and that is an addiction.

I wouldn’t be with any msn that has an addiction whether that’s alcohol, drugs or porn.
An addiction is an addiction, it’s unhealthy and will put a massive strain on your relationship.

Regardless, don't move this man into your home. Let your children have space.

Don’t move in with him whatever you do it’s got disaster written all over it
your kids deserve better and so do you

You were about to move your children in with someone you clearly don’t know very well, that puts the children at risk. You asked for opinions, therefore you were not confident in the idea that moving your children in with a man with a porn addiction is putting them at risk - which it clearly is. The replies are simply factual citations of the risks to your children that you are not acknowledging.
You don’t like these risks being pointed out to you, but you damn well need them to be - or rather, your children need them to be.

We are soon moving in together as a blended family. He has 2 kids, and i have 2 of my own.

Genuine questions - what’s the point in moving in together?

You’ve only been together 2 years and you only have your DCs 50% of the time - so plenty of time to spend together.

Unless you have a 5 bedroom house, that means DCs sharing.
There is also no decent 1-1 time with their parent/sibling.
Everything is going to have to be shared and sibling fights are going to double.

There is literally no benefit for the DCs to move in together.

Regardless of the porn issue, focus on putting the DCs first and not move in together for another few years at least.

Regardless of whether there's children, regardless of whether the Women in the videos have been trafficked etc etc...Men who watch this much porn are generally AWFUL in bed.

Appreciate the respectful way youve asked that. I suppose many, perhaps not all, see it as a natural progression of a relationship. One thing we discussed was to still have time together alone with our children, activities apart etc and to still have the time alone with parents. As for the house, the kids were all supposed to have their own rooms. But by the minute im thinking the move won't happen so... 🤷‍♀️

With 50-50 custody and a two-year relationship, I'm assuming you've spent many a night together? And if you're only finding out about this now, I'm assuming he's never done it when you've woken up together in the morning? That's a pretty good indication that he means it when he says he'll stop.

It sounds like you're disgusted beyond repair though. Do what's right for you.

Edited to add, I understand your reaction completely - remembering all those lovely intimate times you've shared and thinking 'I could've been anybody!'

I dont think that is fair. Ive found something out in the last 24hrs that has stunned me. Im sure many have moved in with their partners and found things out they wouldnt have imagined. Its like suggesting every woman on the planet should have known their partner was a cheat, or committing fraud, or abusive or in this instance, watching porn every day. How are we to know, until we are shown, told or discover. I would never expose my children to harm, so he repeated accusation on this thread that I would willingly do that is appalling, untrue and incredibly hurtful.

Thank you. Yes, never any indication its happened while im there.