Women are the cause of Christmas being stressful....

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Women are to blame for making Christmas a stressful and expensive holiday.

It's women* who are doing all the planning, booking of trips to father Christmas, managing and booking expensive UK Lapland trips/visits to activity farm, booking light trails, making sure the elf delivers a North Pole Breakfast, sorting Christmas Eve boxes trips to the panto/nutcracker, sorting parties, making sure kids Nativity costumes done, doing the stupid elf in the shelf, writing letters etc

All rushing, trying to make everything perfect and everything a "memory"... And then complain it's all too much, toj stressful, too expensive

Nobody is holding a gun to their head.

We all know the kids would be perfectly happy with a few presents on the morning and able to eat chocolate for breakfast.

Nobody will stop loving you because you couldn't be fucking bothered to make bread sauce from scratch using homemade organic breadcrumbs.
If you didn't bother making a starter, who cares?

Nobody would care if the stupid Elf never arrived.

Live by this mantra "Those who matter, don't mind. those who mind, don't matter"

It's stressful because YOU make it stressful.
Just embrace your Inner Man** and stop making the effort.

*Not all women, my husband dies yada yada yada
** Not all men...blah blah blah

I do all of the planning, though admittedly we don't do things like Xmas markets / seeing Santa etc, I do it for the kids, they deserve to have a nice Christmas.

1. Yes, you can ignore it all but that's not realistic and a bit miserable. It's perfectly realistic and not at all miserable. Just a matter of resetting your expectations and learning not to give a toss about what other people think.
2. Men enjoy it all but don't help. Really? What's your evidence that men love Elf on the Shelf, notice and approve of the special place settings on the Christmas dinner table, feel much happier for having six side dishes with the turkey rather than three? Are men's magazines and websites full of tips for making this Christmas extra special? Answer: no.

Who is it showing those "insta worthy" pictures?

Hint: the internet is not full of male influencers promoting perfect table settings, beautiful wrapping, a perfectly laid out North Pole Breakfast, "here's what I'm putting away for Christmas in October", look at this cute tin I found that we can have our homemade cookies in" ....

They'd have a nice Christmas with a stocking, a few toys under the tree (that is decorated with stuff gathered over the years, not following a theme), and chocolate for breakfast 🤷

If it wasnt a Carebear, it would have just been something else though. Your hair colour, or jacket, or something else you had no control over. You can't ever make sure your kids won't be left out because of some arbitrary 'rule' a gang of 7 year old made up on the spot, you're just on a hiding to nothing there. Better trying to speak to kids about how best to deal with that shit, because they're going to get it all the way through school, just slightly different language and scenarios.

As with any celebration, I really think adults should stop giving a fig what others think and just pick a choose what bits they like. And stop acting like it has to be a 6 week long run up thing... so many people seem fed up of Christmas by the time it arrives. I have a mid Dec birthday and the rule in our house growing up was that we didn't decorate until after my birthday. I lived with my parents on and off through adulthood and we kept that tradition, often not getting the box of decs down until 20th December or so. We would have a cosy afternoon decorating and then enjoy them until 6th Jan.

A few years back I went "no presents for adults". I tell people I don't want or expect presents, and I won't be giving them either. It's such a relief. Most adults buy themselves what they want through the year, or want something so expensive it would be out of my budget anyway. People feel pressured to buy each other absolute junk. I don't mind food if it's actually high quality, but too often people gift nasty low quality chocolates that cost too much. Would rather have a jar of nice fancy jam than a tub of Quality Street!

I do agree with this - but at the same time I love doing it! I do a Christmas Eve box for my daughter, a sack from Father Christmas, decorate the house, do a FC visit…but I genuinely enjoy it. Plus I have one child who’s only 4 - when she’s older/less interested I doubt I’ll throw myself into it quite as much. But at the moment I enjoy creating the magic (not that you have to do all that to make things magical)

meant to say that the one thing I have never done and will never do is bloody elf on the shelf. He can get to fuck!

I wasnt allowed barbies as a child or Nike trainers as a teen so I get it, and I have probably over compensated with my own DS.

But, missing out and feeling an outsider is stuff we all experience as adults and experiencing these feelings during childhood is normal too.

Teaching kids that families prioritise different things is an important lesson.

Op. YANBU.

I think some of this stuff is lovely, but creating the perfect Christmas is impossible and creates huge pressure.

Our Christmases as kids in the 60s/early 70s were magical. Taken up to Oxford Street to see the lights. Father Christmas at Selfridges. New winter coat. Upstairs on the bus going back to the station. I suppose we were fortunate. At home we were enthralled by the small tree with coloured fairy lights. The excitement of opening the presents etc. Family coming for Christmas lunch then all the great Christmas Day tv. Billy Smart’s Circus and later Morecambe and Wise. None of that was carefully constructed for Instagram. Nothing was over the top. No extra pressure of Elves and Christmas Eve boxes. Simpler times. Happier times.

Okay.
So it's still women, why are you cleaning the house? That's your fault for not getting him to step up or choosing a man who is oblivious.
it's the WOMEN doing all the house prep and not getting DH to contribute, and then moaning they have to do it all?

It's still women putting pressure on themselves and others to have a clean, tidy house etc.

I do agree with you to a point but coming from an abusive and cold childhood, I am the first to admit I do go overboard at Christmas. I love it, love hosting and do put the effort in. I don’t think I get stressed or worked up though. I pace myself.

I don’t know how to make stuffing or bread sauce from scratch. We have never had a starter. When the dc were little, we’d never heard of the elf or Xmas Eve boxes. We have the same decorations on the tree, no changing colour themes, the same lights for ever.
I love it. Christmas is still magical.

In our house DH does a lot of the planning and organising the events. He really likes Xmas. If it was down to me we would go to the Sun for a week and come home when all over. 🤣 I

I probably fussed and planned more when DC were younger, but once they no longer believe in Father Christmas, it's not quite the same.

Well it's not women per se is it? It's a bit like saying "it's only women that make out childbirth is so difficult". It falls largely to them so they will be the ones complaining.

Like others I do agree to a large extent, but individual women fighting against these pressures does little to change the cultural, patriarchal norms that suggest a good woman is one who can do everything- work, cook, decorate, shop, make everything pretty, keep smiling, etc. Both men and women feed into those stereotypes of what women should be.

I agree with DH when he tells me I’m putting pressure on myself. But I was raised both within my family and my wider cultural groups to feel that my role in a family is to care for the rest via some of these actions around Christmas. And raised to enjoy it! Stereotypical as it is, all my family women in the kitchen, working together, flapping about how long the potatoes will take when the oven is so full, whilst drinking eggnog and talking shite - great memories.

So it’s a complex relationship between individual, culture and society - it’s not completely fair to say to women ‘it’s your fault for acquiescing to it all’. But telling myself much of what youve said helps me manage stress and make sensible choices on a personal level.

I love the christmas tree. Also sparkly lights etc. DH and DC have no interest in my annual search for new bulbs for the 1970's era fairy lights I inherited from my parents, so that falls to me...
I make Christmas cake - used to do quite a few and give them to elderly neighbours of parents, etc. But again, it made me feel good and noone was picky about the outcome!
I like Christmas shopping. Buying just the right thing, and now as DD is older she loves coming along too. I buy for 3 in laws & DH, and not usualy extravagent. DC competes overseas in sport, so this year and last its a stocking and travel for them.
I quite enjoy a bit of festive wankyness - hand embroidering my own napkins were the most ridiculous. I dont imagine anyone GAF about that type of thing, other than me.
DH usually cooks, MIL brings deserts, FIL washes up.
The first time I "did" Christmas was when DM was ill, I was early 20's, and amazed how much work it was when you have to do everything yourself, and how annoying it is when you give someone a task and they dont do it. After that, I learned some people will moan at perfection and some wont care about the biggest disasters.

Sounds grim. What would happen if you tried to point this out to her?

I agree, women do more harm than good to other women with this ‘experience’ nonsense.

Click and collect/ delivery of gifts
Christ dinner is just a dinner
Reuse decorations let kids help instead of building them a Christmas set in the house they can’t touch!

Social media. Totally agree with you. So glad my
kids are now grown up and I'm not sucked into
all of this. Simple pleasures are the best ones.

Anyway it's not stressful for me because I don't buy heaps of tat or try to "make memories". I do things I love doing - put the tree up, make wreaths, do the Christmas baking, and then people come round and I cook a lovely turkey roast. Mostly just lovely.

Too many women feel they have to be martyrs. Internalised misogyny and the patriarchy are to be blame, also capitalism. Christmas is way over the top now, it’s ridiculous

I found images on Facebook on my TV, of autumn scenes (and pretty much any other sort of scenery, AI generated or natural), I like having them on in the darker days. Could you have that sort of thing on?

I think, broadly speaking, the same can be said about weddings

My husband and I alternate organising Christmas..presents, food, decorations everything
It works really well
Since we have been doing this I've realised his approach, which involves a lot less faffing about is actually preferable. And you still have an equally nice time, in many ways more homely and warm
Its so much more relaxed and I wish I done it his way years ago
Yes I do think a lot of women get themselves in a frazzle over having a " perfect" Xmas
I will not be thinking about it till December....which i think in days gone by would have been pretty standard .