Women are the cause of Christmas being stressful....

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Women are to blame for making Christmas a stressful and expensive holiday.

It's women* who are doing all the planning, booking of trips to father Christmas, managing and booking expensive UK Lapland trips/visits to activity farm, booking light trails, making sure the elf delivers a North Pole Breakfast, sorting Christmas Eve boxes trips to the panto/nutcracker, sorting parties, making sure kids Nativity costumes done, doing the stupid elf in the shelf, writing letters etc

All rushing, trying to make everything perfect and everything a "memory"... And then complain it's all too much, toj stressful, too expensive

Nobody is holding a gun to their head.

We all know the kids would be perfectly happy with a few presents on the morning and able to eat chocolate for breakfast.

Nobody will stop loving you because you couldn't be fucking bothered to make bread sauce from scratch using homemade organic breadcrumbs.
If you didn't bother making a starter, who cares?

Nobody would care if the stupid Elf never arrived.

Live by this mantra "Those who matter, don't mind. those who mind, don't matter"

It's stressful because YOU make it stressful.
Just embrace your Inner Man** and stop making the effort.

*Not all women, my husband dies yada yada yada
** Not all men...blah blah blah

Agree - this is where I’ve got to. Having a quiet xmas this year as my OutLaws (LOL) too elderly to travel and get overwhelmed, so we are popping up to see them before xmas.

Yesterday I did my annual M&S order and DH asked why - and I said because I love that we have one sit down meal as a family with our favourite foods. Am only buying what people like- beef, chocolate cake a cheeseboard. And totally happy to slob the day on PJs, have a die hard binge and play board games [god, I’ll even have a go at nintendo ) with my 18/21. But the trees and the baubles are for me. It’s lovely to do just what makes us happy and not be under pressure to make it perfect for visitors. God, no cleaning, manic hoovering and dusting, and no laundering and ironing of masses of bedding this year either. That has made my Christmas! Me, the dogs, my trees and a shitload of wine and mine pies. Bliss.

I don't do all that crazy stuff (no xmas eve box, morally disapprove of elf-on-a-shelf, afternoon tea rather than xmas dinner) but the organisation and pressure still all fell on me with my ex.

Schools giving less than a weeks notice on nativiety problems and budgets not allowing for a complete new costume via amazon prime creates work and is not a choice.

Even a basic christmas requires effort and expectation (tree up & down, special meal - even if not fancy, primary school xmas schedule - annoying but not particularly optional etc etc), and evidence is it disproportiantly falls on women.

no they really don’t

Depends what you do as a family, I can honestly day Christmas for me growing up was simple magic, and I have followed that to an extent. We have a huge real tree and decades of collected ornaments for it so make a big deal of that going up with party food and festivity, then we do maybe a farm visit for the Christmas lit up tractor ride near us to a barn looking like Santa's grotto, but we don't do Christmas eve boxes (kiddo gets a new book on Christmas eve to read with us as he's 3) and we do not and shall never do elf on the shelf.

I do alot of the organising at Christmas I suppose, but I love it, and my husband takes up alot of other chores and flack to balance it up, usually unconsciously and sometimes under my direction 😄 but it's not a stressful season to us.

So yeah it depends, but I also don't hear anyone really seriously complaining of stress except light heartedly "bloody elf back again" etc, only real stress is overspending on gifts at Christmas. And being pissed off at family members.

Well, well. Thanks, Pistachio and @HelpMyBlackLabradorVotesReform
I suppose it’s an extra layer of protection if you have particularly splashy eaters, but I’d expect the upper plate to slither all over the lower one and shoot off down the table like a discus. I am a plebeian.

"Buying all the gifts, affording it all, making sure your family don't kill each other"

You don't have to buy loads though, do you? A. Few small gifts is enough for the kids.

.. family don't kill each other? Who's holding a gun to your head and forcing you to have them all together? Who said it's YOUR job to keep the peace?

If your kids are the fighting ones, then a simpler Christmas is probably best anyway, they're not exhausted, over Excited, over whelmed, . there's lower expectations of everything going "just right"... they're probably going to be a bit more chilled anyway.

Look at Easter, an example of a nice celebration where kids get simple gifts (chocolate egg) in the morning, have a nice day, you might have the in-laws round for a meal... who is complaining about the expense, the stress, the run up etc? Nobody. Nobody is trying to juggle a visit to the Easter Bunny, wondering how they can afford to go to a Easter Wonderland, going out for Easter parties with their colleagues, moving a stuffed bunny round the house for all of lent and posing him in funny situations etc

Yet, kids still have found memories of Easter growing up and traditions etc

( Although SM and shops are pushing each year to make this a bigger and bigger affair ... So watch this space...)

It's brainwashing. Your parents did it. Their parents did it and now you do it.
You do it because it's what you've always done
Then thankfully alot of people see the light and think I don't have to do this anymore and they don't .

I wonder why they're all divorced or estranged ... Sympathies. Sounds very tricky.

Agreed.

Men would be happy with the service and going to the pub to celebrate.

Everything else is women.

I was broadly in agreement until this part:
"So it's still women, why are you cleaning the house? That's your fault for not getting him to step up or choosing a man who is oblivious.
it's the WOMEN doing all the house prep and not getting DH to contribute, and then moaning they have to do it all?"

Now, DH does more than his fair share, so I don't have a pony in this game. However, the fault of feckless men lies with the feckless men themselves.

Christmas is too much. We don't do elf on the shelf, or Christmas eve boxes or lapland visits, or any of that stuff. But hosting a celebratory meal, inviting and being close to family and friends is THE major part of the celebration for most families. Why is it the women's fault if their husbands cannot pull their finger out of their arse and help if their wife is doing all the hosting solo. As I said, fecklessness is the fault of the feckless alone.

My kids would be upset if those bloody elves didn't turn up.....(and they're now in their teens 🤣) It's about nostalgia

That’s bollocks. We’re not our husband / partner’s mum or manager. They’re adults.

Lazy men don’t usually show their true lazy colours in the early days of a relationship; often not until they’re married or have children.

Why do YOU clean your house? Why does anyone, ever?

What’s a North Pole breakfast ?

My parents didn't do it and neither did anyone else in the family. There was no money for an expensive Christmas and we are a Scottish family, so New Year was a bigger thing anyway (decades ago, not so sure this is true now). My parents-in-law didn't make a big deal of Christmas either. They were English but born during WW1. Christmas seems to have been a low-key and affordable affair in their families too.

The pressure and brainwashing comes from adverts, magazines, films and the people who fall for it all and make others feel bad about not spending money on useless tat.

Yes, the fault is with them.

But also the women martyring themselves over it all.

If you didn't hoover the spare rooms, decorate the bedside table with a festive candle and dust the picture rail before a visit from someone... Who are the only people who would care? (Hint; not the men.)

Women do unfortunately create and facilitate and feed the pressure.

A couple of years ago I “let go” of the Christmas decorations- just let the DC decorate the tree however they wanted - SO liberating (they chose colourful lights, horrors, but who cares really).
I also just stopped writing all the Christmas cards, DH now does his side of the family. I don’t remind him, don’t even make sure there are enough cards. He knows where shops are.

I think it came from losing a few loved ones in quick succession (one quite unexpected so traumatic). It makes you realise none of this stuff is important, it’s just about having a lovely time together.

This year it’s just going to be me, DH and DC and I’m just looking forward to having a nice day. No rules, making the meal as easy as possible. DC don’t “believe” anymore which reduces the stress a lot.
We’re going to the panto which we will all enjoy.

I never went to see Santa as a child unless he turned up at school (and everyone knew it was so and so’s grandad anyway). It didn’t make actual Christmas less magical.

I did do elf on the shelf and some kind of Christmas outing when my DC were little tbf but i don’t think it’s essential. Have never done Christmas Eve boxes.
Christmas illuminations are absolute bollocks, I went to one once, it was raining and windy.

I think everyone (yes mostly women) need to dial it down.

Thing is it's not just families who go mad at Christmas, the DC also have loads on at school, brownies, Church, music groups etc and are often blooming exhausted.

People have a "special" breakfast for the kids on First December. Often linked with the arrival of EotS.

Father Christmas pancakes, themed decorations etc a few photos...

Please take note of the person in the picture.... Surprise surprise, it's a woman....

I have had a shocker of a year this year, I can't wait to see the back of 2026.

However, it has made me rethink Christmas. I am not running around buying extra shite we don't need. We have enough Christmas decorations, I'm just going to buy a Turkey when they come out in shops and put it in the freezer.

If the kids want presents they can write me a list and I will get it all in the Black fridays sales.

The worst year was the year we did Elf on the Shelf. Bloody awful idea.

Entirely agree. The fact that this is even a conversation topic in October, with two months before Christmas is a marker of just how overblown and competitive it has all become. Bigger and better every year, all for the memories photos.

👏👏👏 I’ve never agreed more with a post well done 🙌🙌🙌 absolutely 💯 correct.

I'm in my 40s and I did lots of stuff on that list ie trips to see father Christmas (I thought Santas were ubiqtuous in department stores up and down the country in the 80s), pantos, writing letters to Santa etc

My husband cleans the house, he fricking loves it. 😁

My late parents were teenagers during WW2 and used to say that a satsuma in a stocking was a treat at Christmas time. They never made a big thing of Christmas or new year. It was something to be endured most of the time with minimum fuss and a roast and few chocolates . My in laws were even worse and used to tut if you spent money on a few toys for my own children.
The war time generation rarely made a big deal of it from my experience anyway!

But did you do light trails, winter wonderland fun fairs, Christmas markets, elf on the shelf, north pole breakfast etc?