Women are the cause of Christmas being stressful....

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Women are to blame for making Christmas a stressful and expensive holiday.

It's women* who are doing all the planning, booking of trips to father Christmas, managing and booking expensive UK Lapland trips/visits to activity farm, booking light trails, making sure the elf delivers a North Pole Breakfast, sorting Christmas Eve boxes trips to the panto/nutcracker, sorting parties, making sure kids Nativity costumes done, doing the stupid elf in the shelf, writing letters etc

All rushing, trying to make everything perfect and everything a "memory"... And then complain it's all too much, toj stressful, too expensive

Nobody is holding a gun to their head.

We all know the kids would be perfectly happy with a few presents on the morning and able to eat chocolate for breakfast.

Nobody will stop loving you because you couldn't be fucking bothered to make bread sauce from scratch using homemade organic breadcrumbs.
If you didn't bother making a starter, who cares?

Nobody would care if the stupid Elf never arrived.

Live by this mantra "Those who matter, don't mind. those who mind, don't matter"

It's stressful because YOU make it stressful.
Just embrace your Inner Man** and stop making the effort.

*Not all women, my husband dies yada yada yada
** Not all men...blah blah blah

Why would you indulge this behaviour? Let them.

To a certain extent I agree.
I never did the Elf bullshit or Christmas eve boxes etc.
I make a lovely lunch, with shortcuts, a few lovely desserts.
I have reduced my decorations by half, and the house still looks nice.
I don't go overboard with the food shop as it puts me under pressure to cook food and people are out etc.
So yes I definitely agree that a simpler Christmas is as enjoyable.

However when my children were younger I definitely did more buying of gifts etc. Now it's largely a decent gift of money and a stocking ofva few bits.

I agree OP, but I hope you've got your hard hat on!

The Elf winds me up the most - the number of people I know who spend December bitching about "having to get up again at midnight and create an elaborate scene for the elf cos I forgot before bed" 🙄

It's entirely your own fault for doing it in the first place! We have never done it and guess what, the kids don't care! They even join me in the Elf slating! 🤣

One friend hates hers and wouldn't have done it but apparently her husband introduced it - so why the fuck are you pissing about every night with it? It's 100% not your problem if you didn't want it in the first place, let him do it!

Can you tell I absolutely hate the little twat?! 🤣

I agree to am extent but also social media and some people feeling the pressure to have an insta worthy December filled with happy family shots in matching pjs, out at Xmas markets, grottos plus original elf ideas and all the other things. We never did any of that as kids and it was still a special time

Christmas varies from year to year for us depending on who is where and with which in-laws etc etc etc. But at the end of the day it is a 🌲'spruced' 🌲up Sunday roast!
If DH and I are on our own after visiting GCs then we nibble on our favourite bits of Christmassy beige food with a Guinness or glass of wine and don't even bother with cooking dinner.
In the past, we have hosted (where the spruced up roast has been a moveable feast because the timings were not quite right) and guested (and washed up or stayed out of the way as appropriate) and had a lovely time wherever and whatever happens. Go with the flow and enjoy the time with family and friends - it's far more relaxing and fun.

100% since when did doin eve boxes become a thing just more spoiling. We put out a carrot, mince pie and Brandy and that was it. Spending £100 on one days dinner that half of it doesnt get eaten. Last year I bought a tree on 1st Dec, had christmas eve by myself which I lived and did a simple roast dinner for my family when they turned up and played games in the eve.

No they don’t. Mine were freaked out. Had to tell them at a very young age that Santa and tooth fairy are not real as they found the idea of people in their room terrifying.

And we go to nutcracker in January. You need some fun things in January

When they ask why you didn't provide home made mince pies, ask them the same back... why didn't they bring their homemade mince pies if it means so much to them, and they've just volunteered to bring them next time.

I do agree but just as an example, if your own kids don't get the Elf but all their friends do and they end up feeling they can't join in with Elf chat at school, it's such a horrible isolating feeling.

After 40 years, I can still remember the gut wrenching feeling of being told I wasn't allowed in my classmates breaktime group that day as only children with a Carebear were allowed and I was left wandering round the playground on my own.

I could never inflict that on my own kids.

I agree - I only do the stuff that suits me. It’s a religious celebration that has somehow morphed into the ultimate consumer fest.
I like the food, the parties, the decorations brighten a bleak dark winter, the excitement when the kids were little, but the knots people turn worrying about presents given/received is madness - loads of unhappy present buyers/receivers threads on here already and its still October! All when most of us only go to church for weddings and funerals…

I think companies and social media are a big part of it but I agree to a certain extent, it's mostly the women that are taken in by it. People seem to think men are lazy because they're not doing it all or carrying the 'mental load' but if you left them to it they'd pull off a good day, just not to the standard some women expect.
I'm a woman, there's no Christmas eve boxes in my house, we have a tradition of new PJs and a hot chocolate set but we don't need fancy boxes or new toothbrushes, I've never stressed about matching PJs, Christmas dinner is just a Sunday dinner with pigs in blankets (joint effort from DH and I). I've booked activities if I like the look of them but that's because it's something we'd enjoy, not a must. I couldn't be bothered putting up the tree on 1st Dec one year so DH took it upon himself to do it.
There's no need to be putting ourselves through extra stress to keep up with the Jones's and have the picture perfect Christmas for Instagram.

Love this!

Yes, it’s possible to overdo it.

But no, because the ‘basics’ of hosting family and catering for them is a massive task and most men don’t pull their weight.

So sure, if men planned, shopped for and cooked dinner, cleaned the house, changed the beds, then folded and put away the laundry, then we’d be about even and could choose to add or reject ‘extras’. But while many men sit on their arses expecting to be served, even a ‘basic’ Christmas does place a massive demand upon women.

It's selling to women who don't have money too

Neighbours next door, low income, using credit cards to buy their 4 boys a PS5 each, designer trainers etc then they moan about "having" to take them to a winter wonderland and ice skating!!

EXPECTATIONS are what can make Christmas stressful, whether they are your own or other people's.

If they're your own, let go of some. Don't expect everything to be perfect Enjoy the bits that are good.

If they are other people's... Well you have to manage those too. Set a budget. Say what you are prepared to do. Don't let other people guilt -trip you into doing more than you can manage or spending more than you can spend. If they want to have those things they can do them/pay for them and make the arrangements and put the effort in.

I absolutely love Christmas but I don't have unrealistic expectations either of myself or of other people. I'm going to the Christmas Eve service in the Cathedral because I want to and my grandson is singing, but I don't expect my DH to go with me... He probably will but he doesn't have to. We're not having a big Christmas dinner because we're having a 'picnic' lunch with the Cathedral Choir family. We will have a post-Christmas celebration with yummy food some time around the New Year, to which all our nearby family are invited but not all of them will come. It will be the equivalent of Boxing Day lunch with cold turkey, home-cooked ham, cold sausages, baked potatoes, salad etc., followed by cheese and biscuits, fruit and sherry trifle. Everything prepared in advance, nothing left to do last minute. We did it last year and it was a lovely relaxed day with lots of laughter.

I also do as much as I can in the months before Christmas. I start buying stocking presents (very small) in August and then the one main present for everyone is usually bought a couple of months beforehand. I cook and freeze whatever I can in advance. I food-shop in advance as much as I can. My children are adults with their own children now so I don't have to deal with all that elf on the shelf, visit to Santa, Christmas Eve box rubbish but I never did, and apart from a visit to Santa (maybe) I don't think my children do either. I do arrange to go to the panto with my daughter and her family, but that is because I want to. It's not an expectation.

Well YES! OP well said

I am guilty of over booking all the things and everything (except laplands which I did feel guilty about at one point- which is ridiculous) I totally overcompensated for what I did not have growing up and for having no family near us.

Now, I’m almost at Idgaf. Kids are older and I’ve cut back and changed what I book over recent years. This year nothing is booked we are back to basics of TV, Food, hosting some casual Game nights worth local friends. We may trot up the road to the locally held Xmas Fayre (not chatsworth Christmas Fayre for example which requires mission HQ level planning and effort)

Whoever said Xmas is a spruced up Sunday dinner is so true But I refuse to buy MnS anymore after a spell have having annual left over red cabbage. I will not be setting an alarm to get a Tesco delivery slot either. I will order a frozen turkey crown in the next couple of weeks and that is it.

Gifts will be some obvious stuff plus gift cards and kept v simple.

And who exactly is setting this expectation? it comes down to domestic labour being still firmly in the female realm. Xmas is at its heart a religious festival where people gather together to celebrate. Food is at the heart of it and for some reason men are still not expected to take on any of the responsibilities. And there is a pressure for it to be 'perfect'. Just as there is a pressure in all areas of life to keep up with the jones'. Yes, you can ignore it all but that's not realistic and a bit miserable. So I don't think you can simply say women are to blame. Men enjoy it all but don't help and society is putting pressure on people. I find a bit sad that you think women choose to do this to themselves

But if they pared it right down, the stresses just wouldn't exist in the way they do now.

The separate issue if division of labour could perhaps be more easily resolved. But if it's one person in the family leading/planning a dozen activities leading up to the day, the blame lays with them.

They feel the need to do these things, when deep down we all know everyone would be happy with a simple Christmas. Who is telling women that Christmas has to be this magical memory making time? Other women. Social Media (look at how many men run SM accounts about how to have the perfect Christmas.... ), shops (look at how many people (read: women) talk about and bet excited for the fucking John Lewis advert and it being part of Christmas. Mums talking at the school gates about how they've booked Santa Grotto, visits to winter wonderland.... The dads aren't doing this, they're going "oh I dunno, you'd have to ask the wife, I just turn up lol"

It's sad. One of the reasons January is a difficult month for many is the stress of realising how much money was splurged on Christmas.

Agree, I remember going to see Father Christmas and hating it. And one of our funniest family photos was one of my Dad and his brother sat on Father Christmas's knee years ago, and my Dad is clearly howling and hating it. Not all kids like or want to do it.

Women can't blame social media and 'pressure' because they cant say no, own it

Women are setting the expectations.
Who is setting the pressure for a 'perfect' Christmas?

Hint: it's not the men.

Men wouldn't give a shiny shit if none of that happened. They really wouldn't care if they didn't go to the lights trail. If they never went to a grotto again with the kids, would they protest?

We have never done any of that. The children always got taken to somewhere to see Santa (usually a garden centre) and my eldest is 40 so that isn't a "new" thing. I never get the tree until Xmas week, in fact we often buy a hugely reduced one on Xmas Eve. Our budget for presents has always been in the region of £20pp

What makes Xmas stressful is having to always take other people into account. My adult kids live all over the place and my mother is an hour away. What I would love to do is just stay in my house in my PJs in front of the TV for the day and do absolutely nothing, but we always have to involve my mother because my sibling gets to opt out and she'd be on her own. She makes everything highly stressful. I have to buy the food because either she can't or she doesn't get enough - she thought one bag of potatoes, one 500g bag of carrots and a cauliflower was enough for 6 adults for 2 days last year. Then I get stuck in the kitchen most of the day cooking dinner and making tea, which I do not enjoy or appreciate.

DH works somewhere that only gives him Christmas day off so it's a mad dash to get back if we go anywhere, which makes it not worth the effort.

So YABVU in your sweeping generalisations.