Women are the cause of Christmas being stressful....

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Women are to blame for making Christmas a stressful and expensive holiday.

It's women* who are doing all the planning, booking of trips to father Christmas, managing and booking expensive UK Lapland trips/visits to activity farm, booking light trails, making sure the elf delivers a North Pole Breakfast, sorting Christmas Eve boxes trips to the panto/nutcracker, sorting parties, making sure kids Nativity costumes done, doing the stupid elf in the shelf, writing letters etc

All rushing, trying to make everything perfect and everything a "memory"... And then complain it's all too much, toj stressful, too expensive

Nobody is holding a gun to their head.

We all know the kids would be perfectly happy with a few presents on the morning and able to eat chocolate for breakfast.

Nobody will stop loving you because you couldn't be fucking bothered to make bread sauce from scratch using homemade organic breadcrumbs.
If you didn't bother making a starter, who cares?

Nobody would care if the stupid Elf never arrived.

Live by this mantra "Those who matter, don't mind. those who mind, don't matter"

It's stressful because YOU make it stressful.
Just embrace your Inner Man** and stop making the effort.

*Not all women, my husband dies yada yada yada
** Not all men...blah blah blah

My Mum really enjoyed Christmas & now she’s been gone for 3 years I find it difficult as it’s yet another time I feel sad about her really (but try not to show it).

My sister generally enjoys cooking a huge roast so if I’m not working on Xmas day I go over to hers for lunch & there’s always enough for leftovers which is good as I don’t need to worry about evening meals for the next 3 days!

I sadly couldn’t have children but I remember as a 80s child seeing Santa literally once, in a department store aged around 4, & crying as I knew it was just a man dressed up!
We didn’t have the Elf thing (sorry but I find it ugly & annoying lol), Xmas Eve boxes or matching pjs! But no internet or social media existed either.

We did often go to my Mum’s parents for Christmas dinner; they only lived 10 miles away, we were quite a close family on the whole but my Mum & Nan did have a couple of spectacular rows over various years at Christmas!! Then would stop speaking for a few weeks…

Up until last year I enjoyed putting my Christmas tree up but then I got a ragdoll kitten who turned out to be very destructive… so no tree for me & I could only put out decorations which I could blu tac to surfaces for safety & which were not chewable!!
Despite growing older my cat still thinks she’s a kitten so I don’t think I could have a tree this year either unfortunately!

I would like to know what PP’s mean by putting ‘chargers’ under their plates.. a little confused by that. Maybe I need to google.

Shops only sell it because people buy it! The cost of living crisis is a bit of a myth. It is a financial priorities crisis.

My lightbulb moment happened when my son was sitting in the middle of the mountain of presents he had been given, when he was about twenty presents in, he said at last something I asked for. Not being rude or cheeky just factual. It only he had uttered those words years before, we could have saved so much money and stress.

Lord save us from sweeping generalisations…

My stress from Christmas doesnt arise from the activities as we only do the ones we value and enjoy.

It comes from the idea that close relatives shouldnt be alone at Christmas, but my close relations are divorced and estranged and they all have an expectation on me to provide Christmas.

They arent fussed if its a turkey dinner but that i make an event on that day and include them but noone else. They will all sulk, have tantrums and say horrible things, go into depressive decline for weeks make my in laws feel bad for wanting to see us too.

I go over the top with the house decorating but it’s entirely for me, I love doing it. When my DC were children we had a family trip to buy a Christmas tree. We have a lot of people over on Christmas Day but the food is relatively simple and I don’t bother with homemade desserts. I used to be so exhausted by Christmas Day that I didn’t enjoy it at all but now it’s much more pared back.

Counter point - we didn’t do “Elf on the shelf”, my kids are teens and when dc1 was little, Elf on the shelf was just starting to gain popularity. (Yes, it’s that new a tradition in the UK.) both dcs have told me when they were little they felt jealous of the kids who had an elf, and it wasn’t the majority of their classes at all who did it. Now depending on your area, your child really might be the only one who doesn’t have an elf and they do discuss it every day in school.

Of course it’s not necessarily- but also let’s not pretend that a big part of being a parent is not just providing what they need, but also providing the joy.

I'm so glad that my kids are grown up and we missed all the bullshit stuff that parents feel they have to do these days.

I get they must feel pressure to do what they think everyone else is doing but the world has gone bonkers!

Christmas Eve boxes, elf on the shelf, trips here there and everywhere, Lapland, matching PJ's, the house decorated inside and outside with several Christmas trees, Christmas cushion covers and throws and even Christmas oven gloves! Honestly, some of the stuff I see just feels so over the top. But, each to their own I guess. If it makes someone happy then who am I to judge?

My two got a trip to see Santa at the local Garden Centre and our Christmassy trips would be getting in the car to drive round the streets checking out everyone's lights. 😂

Christmas Eve we had a nice tea, watched Muppet Christmas Carol together with the lights off and candles on with a tin of Heroes, tracked Santa online, then put cookies and milk out for the big fella and a carrot for Rudolph then bedtime would be reading 'Twas the Night Before Christmas'. We didn't even do the 'flour on the floor' trick to make footprints because my two were way too smart for that and would have clocked it was flour and then asked 'why has santa dropped flour on the floor and trodden in it'? 😂

Christmas Day was several big presents each, some smaller ones (Books/DVD's) and their Christmas stockings. Selection boxes opened before 10am, Christmas Dinner, a movie, then games. We had a blast and made amazing memories.

I don’t disagree entirely, and we do not do a lot of what’s on your list, like we have never done the elf, North Pole breakfast, Christmas Eve boxes, annual trips to Santa.

However we do do quite a bit normally (lights, Christmas market, church, maybe ice skating) and I think the thing that gets me is that women/ mothers do these things because they love their family. For me it was never a commercial thing, it was that I wanted everyone to have a nice Christmas and my kids to have happy memories.

And yes if I left it to my partner he would do his best but I know it wouldn’t be as good! He’d not book things (lights/ supermarket shop) early enough, he’s a shocking cook, hates Christmas and his family can be a bit mad/ are totally disorganised! So I don’t think that it’s entirely fair to make this another stick to beat women/ mums with because most are doing it with very honourable intentions.

As the "woman" in the house and the mother of 4 now adult children. I've always enjoyed.christmas. we don't decorate early. Just some pointnin December, Tree goes up week before Christmas eve.though i have to admit in later years it has been harder to find a tree then as apparently we now have to have it up in early December (we still dont) i spend a nice Sunday afternoon decorating the tree. And another weekend day baking cookies We occasionally did the father Christmas visit but not every year. Never did Lapland..
Used to drive them around looking for best roads with Christmas lights. They loved that still bring it up and say when they have children they will do that.

We have a Christmas shop delivered 23rd. And I like cooking dont find it stressful. Have usually done the make ahead gravy earlier on and the rest is really not hard.

I think Christmas is as stressful as you make it and some humans (not just women) find it more stressful than others.

I enjoy christmas preparation I accept not everyone does. Male and female

Hmmm. I love Christmas but I’m not a huge fan of mass consumerism. Before we had kids my DH and I sat down and worked out and wrote down what was important to us about Christmas, and we do that. He always used to hate Christmas but now he’s all in, but all in on the parts that we’ve decided are important. No elf on shelf, my daughter figured out Father Christmas wasn’t real when she was pretty young, but we still ham up the stories and the food and the candles and have carefully chosen presents (no pile) and music and host people we love in a house prettified with nostalgic and homemade decorations and we all love it.

Really it’s a festival of light in a dark part of the year, and that’s pretty magical.

They don't, you're right, people absolutely put untold pressure on themselves for no good reason

Marketing of things you don't need- probably from companies or agencies run by men.
Things like the Lapland trips, NYE fireworks, Christmas markets- designed by men.

I don't think you should be singling out women as both sexes are to blame for the overhyping of Christmas. And indeed other occasions.

I think christmas eve boxes and elf on the shelf are nuts and wth is North Pole breakfast delivered by an elf?

Too much overkill lessens the magic imo. Christmas was so magical as a child, the lights, the tree, the nativity (where the most parents provided was a tea towel for their shepherd), crafts on the last day of school...the odd caroller and Christingle then finally Christmas eve where mince pies, brandy and a carrot were carefully put out.

Now lights go up in October and the magic seems reduced to how many opportunities people can invent to give more presents.

And those poor elves must be fit to drop by the time Christmas eve arrives!

I never did, nor did my sons have elf on the shelf

It used to be just at a department store or a garden centre. No one needed to go to Lapland.

In what other contexts do your children need to go see a strange man, of unknown background, to sit on his knee for five minutes while he keeps his face partially covered.

Old Jim down the local pub would love if you let your kids do the same with him, and he won’t even make you pay! He’ll even give them sweets and a gift for the opportunity.

We are quite relaxed about it here. DS and I do go to town on the two trees - it takes a day to decorate those. DH and DS make the Christmas cake. DS and I make our own variation on the Christmas pudding. We both collect the presents but DH does most of that - he’s more in tune with gaming etc than I am - and I wrap. DH does the turkey and roasties and I pre prepare and cook the rest of the veg and gravy.

We have only done one Santa visit that I remember and no elf on the shelf, Christmas Eve boxes or Lapland - we tend to holiday at Easter and summer but not winter. No one gets overloaded with stuff. It’s a pretty even split because there has never been an expectation that I will do the lot.

I was chatting to my daughter (30) recently about the things we did when she and her older brother were little, and she can remember hardly anything! All that stress I had planning and taking them to nice places and experiences etc for nowt! 🤣

Why on eaeth does every child need to go to lapland? Joke or some weird reverse thing?

I agree.

Between Covid and living in a part of the UK that is often badly impacted by winter weather, the things that make it 'magic' for my kids are fairly low key - and now if I suggest doing something more exciting they say 'not in the run up' because that's their ritual.

We like Christmas jigsaws, Christmas pyjama days, making Christmas decorations (not of your insta worthy variety but with the things they like), dark walks with torches, going out in the dark to look at Christmas decorations/lights in the villages and play at judging them.

I think so much of it is for the social pics and not always about the experience. And it's so easy to look at others and think 'oh why aren't we doing that' but it's driven by us rather than the kids.

I love Christmas, this year it will be just me, DH and my 2 kids, now in their early 20s. Yes it’s me that does all the organising and present buying (though that’s got really easy as the kids are now adults) and I enjoy it. We’ve always been fairly relaxed about the whole event and don’t go over the top. The kids decorate and my decorations have been collected over the decades and are quite random, which is part of their charm. I cook, with a bit of help from the DC, and it’s really not that difficult, just a slightly elaborate roast for 4. And we laze about, go for a walk and snack on nice chocs. A lovely family relaxing day.

I was a bit like this when younger, I wanted it to be magical. I have pared it back. So no longer make Christmas cake from scratch or fancy side dishes. But lots from m and s. But because I love them we do still go to a carol concert, nutcracker, Xmas tree festival, Xmas light switch on and a light show. They are not stressful. They are fun. I would go on my own and have went to the local light switch on by myself.
Dp and I have always done our own families presents.

The dog was 'making memories'... 😂

It’s also worth mentioning that as families get smaller, there’s still this media pressure that a “proper” Christmas is lots of people around the table, emergency chairs out, the “we’ve got 14 coming for lunch!” It’s a big family gathering with feast food (catering those numbers, even if it’s something simple, is tough). But this just isn’t the reality for many people, so there’s more pressure to create “magic” another way. To make it different to any other bank holiday lunch once gifts are opened.

Plus December is a bit crap without Christmas themed things. It’s cold, wet, dark as soon as kids get in from school. “Christmas” and advent make December far more enjoyable. If we don’t do Christmas or keep it to just Christmas Day, then December will be too much like January.