To make my 19yo son use bathroom on other floor

[UnfilteredMum]

Due to the set up of our house - a 3 storey townhouse - I've let one son share my en-suite bathroom for the past few years, rather than go down to the floor below to use the bathroom.

I'm single and haven't ever been that bothered about having my own space - for most of my kids' lives we had one bathroom and I didn't even have my own bedroom.
However, he's 19 now, often moody, often wanting to be on his own (though telling me not to take that personally); and really insistent that he needs to play music or other audio to get going in the morning.

It has started to really bother me to have him going through my room and then playing music in the ensuite.

He told me he would find it very difficult to use the downstairs bathroom, for various reasons - some of which I sympathised with - so I tried to put up with it, but I have had enough now and want him to switch.

Am I being unreasonable, and more importantly, does anyone have any wisdom or compromises to offer on how to handle this?

Time for him to use the other bathroom.

Personally, I’d swop bedrooms with him. In fact, I would probably have given him that bedroom in the first place.

It depends on the reasons he finds it difficult to use the other bathroom. Difficult to judge without knowing those.

He needs to realise that it’s your house and to give you a bit more respect!

I hate the idea that single parents (or just single people) have less need of privacy and respect for their space than couples do.

You could perhaps give him the choice between using the other bathroom OR playing his music - he must see that coming through your room playing music is not on!

Do not under any circumstances swap bedrooms (before the posters who seem to think single mothers need and deserve nothing come on)

Oh, one has already been whilst I was posting!! Didn’t take long.

Why on earth would the home owner, the parent who is providing, give up the best bedroom with the en suite to one of her children??

i’d let it go for now. It won’t be forever. He’s your lad.

Yes be should use downstairs, but you could frame it as.
He needs to knock first and wait for you to allow him in, (he’d be waiting a long time) and no music in your bathroom.

She can do whatever she likes.

I don’t think that single mothers should have nothing at all. OP asked for ideas, I have suggested a solution. It has nothing to do with being a single parent.

Unless he physically can’t walk down the stairs tell him to use the other bathroom. I wouldn’t dream of going in my parents en-suite when I was a teen and playing music! What a mick take

And it seems like, as she hasn’t done it, that giving up the master bedroom to a teenage boy, is not what she likes.

I agree!

It’s monumentally inconsiderate of him to play music in your bathroom at a level that it disturbs you once he knows that is the case. I can’t believe you have tolerated that.

Apart from that; YANBU.

You have a real chip on your shoulder about single motherhood. You're reading things in posts that aren't there.

Tell him the on-suite is now out of action for him! Jeez OP,, come on he's a 19 year old man for heavens sake.

How can we say if you’re being unreasonable if you’re not going to tell us what his reasons for the bathroom downstairs being ‘difficult’ are?

If you want to be a really unfiltered mum tell him you're sleeping naked due to hot flushes and don't want him coming into your bedroom.

Personally I would just tell him he's not allowed to use your ensuite any more. It's your personal space.

I would also tell him to knock the music on the head if it is disturbing you or anyone else early in the morning or late at night, in case you can still hear it

Wtf?

You know absolutely nothing about me!

This kid is taking the absolute piss.

OP has liked my posts so I’m guessing she agrees!

He told me he would find it very difficult to use the downstairs bathroom, for various reasons - some of which I sympathised with

Well, it really depends on this doesn’t it. If he’s in a wheelchair or has difficulty with movement, or suffers low blood pressure on waking and is prone to collapsing, then YABU. If not, YANBU.

What are the reasons he won't go downstairs? Cold, mouldy or a fuvking monster of a spider big enough to have a saddle?

The kid absolutely is taking the piss.

You also have a massive chip on your shoulder which shines through in your post.

Both things can be true.

What in the name of God prevents his using the loo downstairs?
Assuming it is no disability, since of course you’d already have mentioned it, then telling him you require privacy and quiet now, and that en suite privileges are finis, is a condition which is already way overdue..
(One peep of protest and he gets Wright’s Coal Tar soap to use downstairs, instead of Shag bunny Body Gel or whatever it is he likes to use!)

God almighty, parents ought not to be pussyfooting around an adult son when they make an eminently reasonable new house rule which may cause a trivial inconvenience to him.

Thank you all, it's very helpful to read everyone's thoughts!

I didn't read it as @GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing having chip on shoulder, just looking out for me as a single mum, which I appreciate.

I believe you @GoodGirlFaith when you say she didn't make the suggestion because I'm a single mum, and appreciate your trying to think creatively.

But my singleness has certainly played into my own hesitation to insist on my desire for privacy being important, so it's nice to hear some of you encouraging me otherwise, thank you!

Without knowing the set up and constraints it's hard for us to suggest a compromise. You mention "one son". Do you have another son on the middle floor and would he be interested in a bedroom swap? Would there be grounds for a swap eg other son is away at uni most of the time?

Absolutely reclaim your en suite if the privacy is important to you. If it's just the music that bothers you then address that directly.