To stand firm on Roblox

[SpangleTwangle]

A year ago I was a parent who had never had a personal device for my kids, now ages 10 and 12. I had all the usual worries that we know about, addiction, inactivity, online grooming, poor quality and even damaging/age inappropriate content.

When my eldest turned 11 her one best friend moved far away to a different country and I wanted her to be able to maintain the relationship. This could not be done on a "dumb phone" due to the high cost. With huge caveats I allowed her a smart phone and whatsapp.

Now. We have mainly managed OK, it has been uneventful. We have tight parental controls, great screen time limits, phones stay in shared social areas at home and never in bedrooms. Apps are all pre-approved. My eldest now seems to have all of her bloody homework on apps- which I don't like... but they both have other hobbies, read plenty and are healthy and active. I check their phones regularly as well, there has been no drama. Eldest is great at the boundaries and just complies.

My 10 year old got her own phone for her birthday recently too. This has been a lot harder, mainly because of her personality. She is much more pro-social and eager to fit in, she is also more pushy, entitled, always seems to feel she is very hard done by. We have had several meltdowns because she wants the apps (some) of her mates have that I deem unsafe/inappropriate. EG tiktok, snapchat, roblox. Roblox seems to be the main one as "Its just a game!!" "Everyone has it!!" etc.

I am worried it is addictive, monetised and unsafe- not least because two mums in my eldest's class had to spend hours deleting bits of content and locking it down after their boys found some wildly inappropriate stuff on the platform back in her y3. The whole parent body at their school was warned afterwards.

However my youngest is adamant I am a horrible person for not letting her have it. She was crying bitterly about not fitting in last night (she has plenty of mates and is popular but apparently felt she couldn't join conversations this week)

I actually feel awful. I remember what it was like being a kid and I was always the weird kid as my parents had lots of odd things I wasnt allowed to do like go trick-or-treating, have barbies, go to McDonalds etc. I don't doubt they were, as I am, doing their best to keep us safe from things they deemed damaging or unsafe, but for me as a kid they made me feel left out. So... am I being unreasonable? Or should I stick to my guns?

Having just watched a news report about some of the harmful content available I would say stick to your guns.

Please could you share the news report? Thanks!

https://news.sky.com/story/is-your-child-at-risk-inside-the-sadistic-network-where-kids-pain-is-content-13591863

This is a very upsetting report.

I have absolutely stood firm on Roblox being a “no” for all the reasons you’ve listed. DC is 11 now and hasn’t asked for about a year. It helps her friend group aren’t into it I think. Whatsapp is a different story! She asks for that still daily bit given the state of the parent groups I’ve been on there’s no way I’m opening the door to group chats…

I believe Roblox is dodgy and full of odd types BUT I think it is worth doing your own research and finding out yourself if Roblox is riskier than, say, WhatsApp. Also look at Snapchat and make sure you know why she's not allowed it as long as she has location turned off.

I think your stance is strict but fine, personally, and she will live - but if you are starting to waver because of how you were brought up, it helps to know that you are well informed and doing the right thing. Even better if you be flexible about it if you find out that in fact you have banned something harmless because you're building trust between you and DD and she'll stay to understand that you're not just banning things for the sake of it. Well she will eventually anyway.

My 11 yo Ds isn’t allowed a smart phone or Roblox. He’s quite happy playing Lego Fortnite and talks to friends at school. No way he’d be allowed WhatsApp if he did have a smart phone.

Of all online platforms Roblox is the worst for online grooming as it is targeted as it’s a game that children play a lot. You can make a private server in games like Roblox and Minecraft. But the issue is many parents just have zero idea what is going on and don’t lock down systems properly.

Just like when parents kids spend thousands on in game purchases and expect a refund because they didn’t know what their kids were doing.

The issue is trusting your child but also their friends. I game and have for decades it’s why my children’s consoles were in a family area and never allowed in bedrooms.

Whatsapp is allowed as it allows us to make international calls for free. We don't allow group chats or anyone who they don't know. Or any texts and calls to take place outside of parental supervision. So far this has been adhered to and no push back.

As long as you monitor it it should be fine surely?

Id stick with your rules OP. They sound sensible for someone so young.

Explain to youngest she can give up the phone if she doesn't agree.

They will continue to push boundaries and if you start giving in at 10 you'll have no chance at 14.

I'd much rather mine play roblox with parental controls than do tiktok, what's app, snap chat, insta.

I think smartphones are worse as can be hidden and taken to bed.

Yeah this is what I worry about. I know I need to stand firm to stand a chance with teenagers!!

Yeah that is why ours are charged in their parent's bedrooms every night!

My daughter has used Roblox for years and it’s been fine. If she hadn’t had it she definitely would have been left out - her school friends all get together online and play it together.

The internet is full of dangers, blanket banning isn’t helpful and will drive a wedge between you. Just teach her how to be safe, what to look out for and monitor usage. The internet isn’t going anywhere - you need to teach her skills not avoid it

I think open dialogue and trust are big factors. My two children (now 17 &14) have been using Roblox since they were 9 and I've never had an issue. Obviously, it depends on your child, mine are not rebellious in the slightest and come to me with concerns. They weren't allowed to use chat boxes, add randoms, etc

It hasn't effected them in anyway, both grounded children and going well at school. Screens are our future, so encouraging good habits like self regulation on how much time you are spending online is a healthy habit to get into.

It’s tricky because they are all on these things. Especially Roblox is very popular in my DC school friendship group. They all play it. I don’t want DC falling behind with tech, they need to be tech savvy - it’s like having maths & English skills these days, and setting them up for future. My rule is they can play, but no messages and device is used in the family living room / kitchen so I can keep an eye out. I know all passwords and check things regularly. Not fool proof by a long shot, but I don’t want DC to be excluded from friendships or socially strange for not being up to date with what’s popular. Bad things can happen anywhere.

Out of interest, do you let your child catch the bus alone? Walk to the shops alone? Play outside unsupervised with their friends for hours out of sight?

(all things I think are good for children btw)

It’s an extreme example of when you don’t teach your children internet safety and don’t monitor their usage.

This girl slept in front of her computer, gamed 24/7, had no restrictions on her usage, and no parental controls enabled. If the parents had done their job of parenting properly then this couldn’t happen. Also, the article is largely about Discord not Roblox.

They are 10 and 12. I think you should allow them Roblox . But as you are obviously a sensible parent just set it up properly. You can set the accounts up for their age. If you don't trust them set them up for an even younger age.
You can only chat in games to your own age band and the one above/below and it's heavily filtered so it's almost impossible to swear for example. Or you can turn off chats completely. Only let them play in the family friend. Don't let them accept friend requests. You can set up trusted contacts. So your daughter could talk to her friend that moved away whilst playing but no one else. Roblox has loads of controls if you are willing to set them up.

They will be the weird kids at secondary if they don't have any form of gaming at all.

Eh? She’s 11 of course she does those things. What’s that got to do with the price of fish?

God that is terrifying. I have read similar stuff but not connected to Roblox. Absolutely awful and sinister and exactly why I am scared to let my children have access to this stuff...

It's a slippery slope. Roblox was allowed it without restrictions at their dads house and I allowed it with no chat option and if I was nearby, but I started to hear things I wasn't happy with (not in their gameplay directly, just from other parents/online). I told my kids I was changing my mind, roughly why I was changing it and that I would keep an ear out for changes that would make it playable again. They mentioned it a few times but never pushed it and there's been no mention in months.
There's always things they will want and you have to decide your boundaries and explain if/when things might change and when they won't. Understanding the dangers online is an important lesson we don't want them to learn the hard way.

There’s an interesting phenomenon at the minute where we allow freedom
online for children but not in real life, and I’m interested in what people’s risk approaches are in each of these and whether they align or not! Has she also been doing those things for years?

And I’m not sure the “of course” bit is actually obvious - there was a post on here the other day about where a year seven should catch a bus alone.

Started typing my previous reply before all the other responses. Looks like I could have another look at the restrictions available. My understanding was anyone could say they were in any age group and just have access to it. Also unsuitable visual content was possible. I will review!