To stand firm on Roblox

[SpangleTwangle]

A year ago I was a parent who had never had a personal device for my kids, now ages 10 and 12. I had all the usual worries that we know about, addiction, inactivity, online grooming, poor quality and even damaging/age inappropriate content.

When my eldest turned 11 her one best friend moved far away to a different country and I wanted her to be able to maintain the relationship. This could not be done on a "dumb phone" due to the high cost. With huge caveats I allowed her a smart phone and whatsapp.

Now. We have mainly managed OK, it has been uneventful. We have tight parental controls, great screen time limits, phones stay in shared social areas at home and never in bedrooms. Apps are all pre-approved. My eldest now seems to have all of her bloody homework on apps- which I don't like... but they both have other hobbies, read plenty and are healthy and active. I check their phones regularly as well, there has been no drama. Eldest is great at the boundaries and just complies.

My 10 year old got her own phone for her birthday recently too. This has been a lot harder, mainly because of her personality. She is much more pro-social and eager to fit in, she is also more pushy, entitled, always seems to feel she is very hard done by. We have had several meltdowns because she wants the apps (some) of her mates have that I deem unsafe/inappropriate. EG tiktok, snapchat, roblox. Roblox seems to be the main one as "Its just a game!!" "Everyone has it!!" etc.

I am worried it is addictive, monetised and unsafe- not least because two mums in my eldest's class had to spend hours deleting bits of content and locking it down after their boys found some wildly inappropriate stuff on the platform back in her y3. The whole parent body at their school was warned afterwards.

However my youngest is adamant I am a horrible person for not letting her have it. She was crying bitterly about not fitting in last night (she has plenty of mates and is popular but apparently felt she couldn't join conversations this week)

I actually feel awful. I remember what it was like being a kid and I was always the weird kid as my parents had lots of odd things I wasnt allowed to do like go trick-or-treating, have barbies, go to McDonalds etc. I don't doubt they were, as I am, doing their best to keep us safe from things they deemed damaging or unsafe, but for me as a kid they made me feel left out. So... am I being unreasonable? Or should I stick to my guns?

We stood firm on Roblox for years too. We allowed it for DS earlier this year (age 12) but only on his PS5 in the living room and not on his phone.

Mine play Roblox on iPads. We monitor closely and play with them sometimes (it's very dull). They don't have phones (they have no need) but we wouldn't allow any sort of social media including WhatsApp. We set rules we are comfortable with and you are right to do the same.

We live in an area that's very anti mobile for kids! However our children will likely get the bus to a from secondary so will have a smart phone for that. A parent looked flabbergasted at me when I stated this but it's what we are comfortable with. Also a younger child has SEN needs and will need one to support those needs (being vague).

I stopped my DDs having Roblox. No discussion ( well there was but it was still a no) my sd was allowed it, by both parents I will add. She was groomed, horrifically, ruined her life, our family life, changed my dh forever and me.
She was embroiled in things at 16 that would horrify most adults.
she’s no life that we last knew of, no final qualifications, no friends, no job, cut off her family. Totally isolated for these men online.

stick to your rules.

edited to say, all parental controls were enabled, the groomers tell them how navigate round them.

My DC are all teens now (19, 18, 15, 13), but I never allowed Roblox. I also banned YouTube several years ago - it's blocked from the WiFi. I don't regret either of those and won't be going back on them until all children are adults.

As a secondary school teacher, I know which kids have had inappropriate access to the internet, social media and games purely from their behaviour. It's actually quite frightening.

My 13 year old is absolutely not allowed Roblox. I told her she can have it when she’s 18 and managing her own phone. Until then, it’s a no. Too many paedos on there.

I don't see anything wrong with it either. Some parents are completely ott.

Internet safety skills are useful, yes, allowing access to inappropriate sites is something we as parents need to use judgement on. Any site where known grooming happens and inappropriate games is something I just wouldn’t risk or support.

I have just watched that Sky documentary linked on page 1, sobering stuff. I knew Discord was unmoderated and open (no parental controls there) and DS14 is a gamer but there would be no chance in hell that I would allow him to download it. He is also vulnerable in terms that his dad (my DH) died almost 4 years ago and I now have a life limiting illness myself. Com 764 who seem to be targeting vulnerable children are just… so insidious. 🤮

DS did play Roblox for a while until he turned 13 then lost interest and now mainly plays Fortnite, still with full parental controls. There were no issues with Roblox, perhaps he was just lucky. But after watching the documentary I am going to put in a request to delete his account.

He got a phone when he finished P7 (we are in Scotland, so that would be last year of primary school). As for other social media, he got WhatsApp when he turned 13 which I cast an eye on from time to time, and a supervised Instagram teen account (what a load of rubbish about teen accounts being more secure, it is just paying a lip service) when he turned 14 for which he has a daily 30-minute time limit. Don’t talk to me about Apple’s stupidly insane “One more minute” button… 😡 And that’s it. He has no direct access to a web browser (it is turned off in contents & privacy restrictions), if he wants to look something up he can use my phone with me sitting next to him or his school iPad. He has a full set of parental controls which he has never managed to bypass (yet). 🤞

No Snapchat,TikTok, YouTube, Facebook or any other nonsensical brain rotting apps. When he starts scrolling on his Instagram feed and I can hear it, I literally feel my brain cells dying away. I also don’t have any of these apps apart from Facebook which I am thinking of deleting as it doesn’t contribute anything to my life.

We have regular conversations about online safety as I am fully aware this is a digital age we live in, I am not a Luddite. But I made a conscious decision to keep him off apps that I think his vulnerable and child self could not cope with for as long as possible.

My 15 year old recently thanked me for not allowing Roblox or Snapchat at age 12. She has seen the stress her friends felt and was able to side step that with an excuse about strict parents.

My DC have Roblox but its got full parental controls, and they've never had a problem. I made my own account and often play with them when they use it so that I can monitor. My eldest also has WhatsApp but only for three specific friends and again we supervise and monitor and we never have problems. She got a text from O2 recently and immediately came to find me as it wasn't something she recognised. I think teaching your children how to use the internet safely is worth more than banning things altogether.
I don't allow Facebook/Tiktok or other forms of social media though - none of her friends use them either. She does like to watch TikTok videos from her Majorettes troupe but she just uses my phone with me to view these, and I have to show her a specific chef account because she really likes his cooking 😂

100% agree with this. Me and DH work in tech and my younger DC who is 12 has no personal smartphone / gaming / social media or WhatsApp. She travels to school alone with a dumb phone.

few years ago when she found Roblox on the family iPad I found that despite all controls and monitoring strangers were able to message her and she was replying in innocence. Luckily I caught it quite early and I felt I can’t keep up with all the ‘latest loopholes’ so I stopped right then and put away the iPad. She asked few times but forgot / gave up. It’s truly a slippery slope and there are much better ways to learn ‘tech’.
she now has a school iPad which is totally locked down but she used all the school software to access homework, comms, learning etc.

DS9 has asked for it a few times. Blanket no, despite some of his friends having it. It see.s horrendous and I am not bothered. I'd rather a socially awkard child than a dead one. I appreciate that is extreme but it does happen and I am not willing to take the risk. I am so glad in my area all secondary schools have banned smart phones until y10. I wasnt planning on giving him one anyway, but at least now he will be the same as his friends.

I grew up relatively popular despite the fact that my parents were over protective and I usually couldnt do what others were doing, etc hanging out late at night, shopping in the next town, holiday abroad at 17. Didnt do me harm and I am determined to protect my children in the same way. I go out of my way to make sure they have cool parties, shoes and clothes etc to make up for their lack of screens/gaming compared to their peers.

DS9 is largely fine, it is DS5 I worry about as he ages, he is much pushier and independenr then his brother...

Maybe I’m wrong/naive but I feel less worried about Roblox than WhatsApp. Dds settings on there mean she can’t chat privately and can only converse with friends. I get a weekly report about her activity on there and there’s a new age verification feature which supposedly means you can only be ‘friends’ with people your own age. I know what games dd is playing and sometimes play them with her. I think the risk is less if you get involved with it and understand what they’re doing on there plus obviously have the right controls set up. In terms of being monetised they can’t do that without my authorisation.

I’ve worked with children and young people damaged mentally to crisis and suicidal ideation by their access to certain platforms including Roblox.

They get around the controls, bullies, the groomers and other dodgy adults can of course get around other controls. It’s a mindfield.

Id say if you can keep your children off anything like this and social media for as long as possible, i would!

Roblox is embroiled in all sorts of litigation in the US, where it is based, for harm to children. Apparently there are currently 180 pending cases against them over child safety, including at the local, state, and federal levels.

Los Angeles County files lawsuit against Roblox

Florida Attorney General targets Roblox over child safety

Arkansas sues Roblox and Discord

Texas sues Roblox over failing to keep children safe

Roblox to pay $23m to Alabama, West Virginia over child safety investigations

Louisiana files lawsuit against Roblox for child exploitation

Roblox agrees to pay $10m to Nevada, implement child safety changes

With so many American government agencies going after them for the same thing I think it’s apparent that there are massive safety issues with the platform.

That worrying, if you live in America.

Everyone gets to decide for their own child. My grandchildren have Roblox, but are in the room with us when on it. They are usually on the phone with their friends, playing together. We've never known anyone who has had issues, but they've all been supervised.

You sound incredibly naive

*minefield

Don't feel awful! But so-and-so's mum said yes, and everyone else is doing it have been complaints from every generation. It is probably true, there have always been bad and lazy parents, or the "cool moms" who are more concerned with being Ana's best friend that being a decent parent, and having the guts to say no.
But it's probably fair to say we (anyone who has had a kid since smartphones/social media existed) have it harder. My generation were safe in their rooms, bar the odd dodgy TV show, and most of us didn't even have our own TV. Now, they're at risk, and while people talk about strangers, phones and games probably hurt more kids.

Regardless of monitoring your children’s use, surely parents do not support using a site known for grooming and dangerous games. Buy age appropriate games on single player only, do not use a site where there’s no monitoring on what games can be uploaded with innocent to children games like ‘stroke the cucumber’.

It’s full of paedophiles. Do not let them have access.

Roblox is horrendous. Children with parental controls set as young as 5 can access sexual content/violent/murder content and can be contacted by unknown people of all ages. There are also as many as 10,000 unregulated games on Roblox. Do not give in it is a cesspit

Mum of two boys and a step daughter. I never let my kids have it, I battled about it. However, fwiw, my step daughters mum let her have it and she’s now 15, predicted 8,9s and seems none the worse.

I think you are quite right and this ‘creep’ is the issue with smartphones. I can see why you made the decision re the friend moving away etc, but once they have the smartphone, it’s natural that requests for greater access begin and you find good reasons to allow more, bit by bit. And much harder to dial back than not to allow access at all. My eldest is coming up 11 and I just allow her access to a couple of WhatsApp groups via my phone.

I am the same, I have said no to my 9 year old and she asks repeatedly. I have seen and heard too many stories to allow her access. I’d rather she be annoyed at me and keep her safe. It’s a hard no from me and I am not budging on it.