To not even think to wave my y6 off for camp?

[AnonMama87]

DD10 had her first residential trip last week. She went into school as normal. I gave her a big hug and helped her get her case inside, told her I love her etc and waved her in.

According to the itinerary the coach left about 10am. There was no mention of parents.

I picked her up outside the school yesterday when the coach got back, and I overheard lots of other parents talking about how they'd been there on Monday to wave them off! The thought had never even occurred to me.

I feel guilty that she was watching all these other parents wave their class off and I wasn't there.

It was a big deal for her. She's autistic and I wasn't sure she'd cope with camp but she was a superstar!

She says she didn't mind. I would usually be at work but I had actually taken the morning off to take her in the car (dad doesn't drive) .. so I felt especially bad.

So, AIBU for this to never have crossed my mind?!

I understand how you felt! But most people would expect not to be there again at 10am unless it was explicitly explained.

She enjoyed it. You didn't know. So there's no point in beating yourself up about it! Not every parent has all day to stand about. Dd is presumably secure with your love. It's.a guilt tripper lol but I think you're ok.

It wouldn't have occurred to me either.

It's a nice thing to do, but how are you supposed to know if they don't tell you?

I expect some of the other mums have older DC and know it's what's done at the school. That, or you maybe missed a communication on it.

Nothing to beat yourself up about. Just explain to your DD you had no idea. Great she enjoyed it :)

There was similar at my DD’s first residential. Drop off at usual time but some parents stayed around to wave the bus off, it didn’t enter my mind to do that! I only realised they were staying when some started talking about it. DD didn’t mind and no harm done.

I have never stood about waiting to wave my child off for anything, at any age.

Drop off, kiss, squeeze, "I love you, have fun, bye!"

And off I go.

Don't beat yourself up op.

When I was 6 (not year 6, 6 years old) I was invited to go on a brownie camp even though I wasn’t old enough for brownies at the time. My parents were working so I got myself to the brown owl’s house about a mile away with my duffle bag. I never thought anything of it. It’s good for them to develop independence.

Parents hanging around can make it worse for some nervous children (the hanging around bit is usually more for the adults than the children)

A lot of parents work. Not all parents have been at the school at 10 am.
Your child had a great time. Don't blame yourself.

I'm sure many other parents weren't there too. Don't overthink it.

You are raising her to be independent. It doesn't require a fuss waving them off in this way

Glad she enjoyed the trip. Focus on that.

YANBU, it’s just that a majority of parents at some schools are OTT about this stuff.

I once dropped DC2 off at a school trip leaving at 4am & most parents stayed 30 minutes to wait for the coach to leave and wave. I went with it and stayed too & my DC & most of the DC on the coach didn’t even look or notice. We talked about it later, my DC was bemused!

(Gen Xer here)

Exactly the same scenario when my DD went on her year 6 residential, except I made a specific choice not to hang round school for an hour waiting to "wave her off" as I thought it would make the whole thing into more of a big deal and potentially make both me and DD more emotional. DD was completely happy to be be dropped off at normal time with a normal goodbye without the drama. OP there's absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.

Don't give it a second thought.

Your daughter is okay with it and sounds like she smashed something which could have been quite a challenge for her.

Celebrate the good work you've done together to get her to that point, enjoy her excitement & stories from the trip and ignore the trivia.

You definitely weren't the only parent missing.

When mine went on theirs 20+ years ago! We had parents weeping and wailing in the playground about their 11 year olds going away for a weekend ! I did what you did and left It didn't occur to me to wave the bus off.

You didn't do anything wrong.

Our school actively discouraged that. Quick hug and GO. It was easier for the kids.

Our school mention it, however I’ve never waved them off as I think after saying goodbye to them wave them off an hour later it would upset my DD

I’ve had quite a few of these moments. Turned out I was the only mum not to send my first year uni student an advent calendar and some “Christmas bits” on dec 1st. Would never have occurred to me!

Wouldn't have crossed my mind either.

My primary did similar to your childs i only remember a handful of parents being there. Don't remember getting back.

My kids primary tell the kids to be at school for 9.15 and bus leaves at 9.30. Mainly as a crowd control get the rest of kids into school, then parents can arrive with kids & luggage bit of organising in the hall and off they go. So most parents do hang around for that 15min, but i doubt they would if it was a full hour.

This 👆

I’ve had two go off on various residentials in year 5 and 6 (and then secondary).

I’ve never waved them off.

Each time the schools have asked them to arrive earlier than usual so they can get luggage sorted first.

I know some parents did hang around to wave but I think it makes things worse for the kids.

I am in my late 40s now, but I remember going off for a week in year 6 and everyone being okay until parents started waving and blowing kisses and some children just completely lost it.

I really don’t think it helps children at all.

I waved both of mine off BUT I was a SAHM at the time so I think it was just part and parcel of the daily shiz you do and I spent a lot of time with other SAHM’s so I guess it would have been talked about so these things were always on my radar.

I work full time now and barely have the headspace for most things and am definitely not in that mode of thinking anymore so I’m not sure it would have occurred to me these days!

Not every parent would have made it to wave them off and sounds like your DD was fine which is the main thing. I don’t think my DS’s were particularly bothered about me being there. I probably did it more for me as afterwards a lot of us went for brunch so a nice social event as a SAHM!

Your DD is secure in your love. She doesn't need you to wait until the bus left the school site. Besides we make the best decisions we can with the information we have at the time.

Some parents have to be a bit “extra”. The main thing was she had a great time. I wouldn’t have been there either!

This happened when DS went on his school camp at that age. The parents weren't invited to do so, but some just decided to hang about until the bus left so they could get videos for social media. It's a bit odd imo, treating them like little kids when this is one of the things they do to start getting a little independence and confidence away from their parents.Those parents will get a shock when their children go to high school when this sort of thing would mean social death to many kids!

You won't be the only one who wasnt there, don't worry. Did your DD enjoy the trip?

The school won’t have mentioned it as the teachers won’t want it. It makes the drive off into a much bigger thing than it is. I’m sure the coach driver would prefer all the parked cars to eff off out of the road too before they set off.

ohh I hated the year six leavers nonsense. Some parents made that whole year their whole personality. It was utterly ridiculous, goodbye banners on the trip, sourcing red carpets for the leavers ball. Luckily my kid was not into this kind of over the top nonsense and wasn’t not bothered by any of it. We did it our way, my kid likes going on camps in his own and had already been to a residential in the previous summer by himself where he got dropped off by dad and skipped into that camp with a short wave and a quick goodbye. People wonder why their kids have anxiety, when they do things like cry in the playground because their kid is going for a three day adventure camp with their school, teachers and all their friends.