To not even think to wave my y6 off for camp?

[AnonMama87]

DD10 had her first residential trip last week. She went into school as normal. I gave her a big hug and helped her get her case inside, told her I love her etc and waved her in.

According to the itinerary the coach left about 10am. There was no mention of parents.

I picked her up outside the school yesterday when the coach got back, and I overheard lots of other parents talking about how they'd been there on Monday to wave them off! The thought had never even occurred to me.

I feel guilty that she was watching all these other parents wave their class off and I wasn't there.

It was a big deal for her. She's autistic and I wasn't sure she'd cope with camp but she was a superstar!

She says she didn't mind. I would usually be at work but I had actually taken the morning off to take her in the car (dad doesn't drive) .. so I felt especially bad.

So, AIBU for this to never have crossed my mind?!

Leaving at 4am yes wave. Leaving in school hours definitely not. Did the parents hang around in school or outside the gates for an hour? Weird and probably annoying for staff trying to organise everyone.

I also did this, for all the same reasons and my DC was glad.

I thought the point of waiting an hour or so was to discourage the patents waiting. It makes the children more upset.

For Secondary school trips, mine just walked to school as normal. Exceot the 4am one. (We live 5mins walk from school. The existence of parents is embarrasing)

Agree with all of this.

In my experience the groups of parents waving off are using it as an excuse for a bit of drama / tears / comforting coffee together afterwards. Which is fine of course, it's just not for the kids' sake so don't worry about it.

You can only parent as yourself and if you're the type of parent who hugs at home, drops at school and blows a kiss, if you suddenly became the type who sobs and throws roses after the bus as it leaves you would REALLY freak your dd out.

Mine always specifically ask me not to hang around, not that they actually see it but they know I’m a crier at most things (I used get weepy when I saw them doing nativity plays when little 🙈)
Parents do tend to wave them off here if they aren’t working, so I always ask if I’m free if they want me to.
First day of secondary school and a few parents waited with the ones at the bus stop that were travelling off further afield to grammar schools etc
I asked mine if I could walk with him to the bus stop on his first day, he told me I could go as far as the corner but then had to turn back 😂
There will have been other parents that couldn’t be there for 10, your daughter didn’t mind and you did help her with her case into school.
You said your goodbyes gave her a big hug and went, when my eldest was in their last year some of them had had to attend breakfast club etc before hand so there would have been no chance of parents waving off.

Waving dc off on coach trips from school.was the norm for my dc but if you didn't know you didn't know.

It wouldn’t even have crossed my
mind to wave them off. Bizarre.

At our school those that could always waved the coach off.

I waved both mine off but the coach left 15: minutes after dropping the children in. I'm not sure I'd have bothered to go back at 10 unless my DDs asked me too.
It really doesn't matter though.
She had a great time that's all that matters.

It wouldn’t occur to me to hang around until 10am either if they were at school for normal starting time. Some parents have too much time on their hands!
I did stay and wave my DD off on her last trip but only because they had to be at school by 9am as usual and basically got straight on the coach and left.

If they were leaving from school on a normal school day and well after normal starting time,I would not have expected parents to come back to wave children off. It's a school trip on school time.

Great moment one year was the coach leaving at 12 on a lovely June day and passing 10 or 12 mums on the local wine bar terrace! Coach only went that way because of a diversion…

I went for a three week trip when I was at school, but almost grown up. My df arranged for another parent to take me, then had a re-think and realised all the other parents would be there and he had to go too. But maybe others do these things for show as well.

I empathise OP but as long as you talk to her about it and you usually show up it’ll be ok!

I found as a full time working mum there would often be things I just hadn’t thought of - sending in party clothes for the after-school disco just would never have crossed my overloaded mind. Nor would seeing off the bus unless the school had mentioned this was allowed. If it wasn’t in the checklist of actions needed (I wish so much schools would think this way in their comms) it didn’t happen. It’s a shame but that’s the reality of ft work with kids.

It is really hard but all you can do is let your lo know you’d have done it if you’d known you could/ had to.

😂

It happens to the best of us. I certainly messed up three times during the primary school years. Each time it was for my eldest kid, so I think that when things are ‘new’ to us then it’s bound to happen occasionally. We seem to get our shit together for the next kids that do the same activities - we become experienced. As long as we learn from our mistakes then we have to let them go. Forgive yourself OP.

YANBU, crazy behaviour 😳
I used to work in a secondary school. You had a job to get parents to attend any parental meetings and parents evenings.
Yet when it was prom night they’d take the time to wave their kids off from home, then race them to the venue to see them enter it. Unbelievable😳

Performance parenting at its best. Don’t give it another thought OP.

I wonder why these people smother their children! We could never go to the “open lessons” they do due to work!! I explained we come to what we can eg we would watch Christmas performances , leavers assembly etc. they need to learn to get on with it and be resilient. Those in my sons year smothered struggled at secondary where the parents are mostly cut out.

I can't tell if this is sarcasm or not. OP didn't make a mistake so has nothing to forgive herself for.

They do it at our kids school but I only knew that because we live close and I'd seen older year groups did it. I did stay and wave mine off (because it's so easy for me to do so) but loads of parents didn't - people have to work. At least once my kid didn't even see me.

My DD doesn’t do well with transitions so it’s always been as quick as possible - big hug, wave and I run off. She’d be in bits if I stayed like that!

@AnonMama87 You post took me back 25 years when my Autistic DD (then aged 10) went off to school camp. Her bus was waiting outside the school and we loaded luggage straight on to it while the children were being ticked off the teacher's list. There was a great deal of hugging (and crying) going on around the door, while teachers tried desperately to get the children on the bus. (I was concerned that all the incontinent displays of emotion would have upset my DD). However, I received a quick "bye, Mum", a big smile and she was on the bus. One quick wave when she found a seat and that was that. I heard later that the bus was 20 minutes late leaving 😄

I wouldn't worry, mine (also autistic) told me not to be there because it would be embarrassing, and probably more upsetting for her, it seems like she's happy about the event so I wouldn't dwell on it.